I have started the healthy lifestyle journey again and was wondering about TOPS. Has anyone joined this?
I don't mind discussing the mechanics of weight loss and what I am doing, but I have a very hard time discussing the emotional piece of weight loss. I am a very private person and have a hard time opening up to complete strangers. I am not a touchy feeling type of person.
What are the TOPS meeting like? Is it more the mechanics of weight loss or the emotional journey?
It all depends on the chapter of TOPS that you join. I know some people who have had great experiences with it, including a number on these forums. However, the experiences I have had with it, have not been too great. I've gone to two different chapters over the years (one with a large member base, and one with maybe a 8 to 12 regulars), I found TOPS to be very intrusive. Calling if you haven't been in a few weeks. Some may see this as a good thing, but I quit going due to a family crisis, and I found it very annoying to have them call.
I agree, it all depends on the chapter you join. I've heard of great successes at some, but the one I joined everyone had been at it for years and years and all were well over 200 lbs. and it was a socializing event, not a venue for losing weight. There were some discussions, but nothing too deep. I know what it's like to not want to air your dirty laundry in front of a group of strangers, but if I've learned anything by my success this time around - that emotional baggage MUST be dealt with in some way. Whether a friend, a group, a therapist, whatever - once you do the emotional work and rip the scab off everything, it gets a LOT better (and the baggage isn't always awful, just stuff you're not dealing with)
I used to attend. We used to be weighed in a private area, and we used to go around the table and announce how much we lost, gained, or if our weight did not change. Our individual weights were not disclosed; there was a weight recorder who was required to keep members' weights confidential.
Our chapter also held contests with nice prizes as incentives. There was no talk about emotional or other private issues, however, at least not at my chapter. We shared weight loss information and sometimes we had guest speakers, such as nutritionists or public health nurses. We paid monthly dues, and we paid fines if we gained. It was nice, but people lost interest and the chapter just died out in my community.
I am friends with a woman who said her mother did TOPS and after weighing in they would go and eat dessert! For her mom it was a social thing talking and eating pie with others. I am not saying it's a bad thing. There is one locally near me that I was interested in but I never went. It is true that the emotionally damage should be dealt with. I suffered for years with depression over my son being autistic and me thinking it was my fault. That haunted me for a long time and I noticed that after his diagnosis I just blew up. The lowest weight I had ever been after that was 260 which is ridiculous because I was not that big when I was pregnant even!! I am still going through counseling and even now I still struggle with it but I am getting over it and taking back my life to get healthy. Good luck with whatever you do!!
I can't tell you how it is, but I can also say that I've been contemplating joining it for awhile. What I like about it is that it's not affiliated with any specific weight loss program. I did try weight watchers and I just couldn't do the points thing. But my other problem with weight watchers, after diligently watching points for a week, gained a few pounds. And while the woman was very nice she said something like 'oh don't worry some people gain and then lose next week' but said it like I'd done something wrong. Plus she was really skinny which made it harder to take. So I discouraged myself from going back. I'm worried about weight accountability. Part of me wants it but part of me is worried that it can be discouraging. I'm still working on getting up the nerve to go. I would like to have an in person support group. Hopefully this week I'll get up the courage.
TOPS is a not-for-profit organization and while there are national guidelines that all chapters have to follow, individual chapters are self-governing and so every chapter is run a little differently.
Anyone can start a TOPS chapter, so long as there are at least 4 members. Some chapters are closed to outside membership (for example a family or group of friends may decide to create their own chapter and only involve friends and/or families).
So if you don't like any of the local groups in your area, you can start your own group if you can find three other people who have the same views and values as yourself. The group can be anything you want it to be (so long as you don't violate the national bylaws).
For example, chapters are allowed only two food events a year (most chapters I've been in have done a Christmas party and a summer picnic or potluck).
I have been in groups where it was customary (but always voluntary) to go out to dinner after the meeting. Of those who chose to go (usually about half the group, though not always the same half), some members would be very careful to make healthy choices, and others would use it as their "splurge meal" for the week. I usually went about half the time, and if I had a good loss it sometimes was a splurge meal, and if I had a gain it was usually a very careful meal. I lost 65 lbs in the group withing about eight months. I would have kept it off, if I hadn't moved 60 miles away. I didn't like any of the groups in my new area (and in hindsight I wish I would have driven the hour and ten minutes every week).
Most groups do have a policy of calling members who stop attending, but it's not meant as a high-pressure or punishing tactic. For example our group sends get well cards to members who are in the hospital, members offer rides to other members who don't have transportation... it's a close knit group, so members treat each other like friends (because we are).
If you don't want to be called - you can state that preference and the other members will respect it. I've never heard of anyone getting calls, letters, or cards if they've asked not to receive them.
I've also never heard of a person being pressured to share anything they didn't want to share.
Most groups do go around the room and share whether they've lost, gained, or stayed the same. Some groups share the exact number of pounds lost or gained (my current group does), others just list what they did, not how much (for example "I gained").
When I first joined my current group I did not like that everyone shared the specific poundage involved. Now, I love it. For the first time, I got a very good understanding of what "real" weight loss looked like. I discovered that it's extremely common (even for members much, much smaller than me) to gain fairly large amounts occasionally, and almost everyone had at least one gain a month (the only reason I know that, is that we have a contest every month where the people who didn't have a gain during a month to share a $10 prize - rarely do more than 2 people out of the almost 30 members get to share this prize - meaning that almost every month, almost everyone has at least one gain per month). I wasn't the "freak" I thought I was.
I love TOPS, but like most small organization, you get out of it, only what you and the other members put into it. Some groups are essentially weigh-in groups only. Their are four chapters in my area close enough to attend. I've visited three of them, and I chose the one that best fit my personality and my schedule. One group is within walk-in distance, but it's primarily a weigh-in only group. The group has only 7 or 8 members and only 3 or 4 stay to chat, and they don't do any motivational contests, nor any fines for gains.
I find the motivational contests and even the fines helpful. In my current chapter the fines are only a dime per pound (in one group I joined the fines were a quarter no matter how much you gained, and in another they were a nickle per pound with a maximum fine of a quarter).
You can visit any open chapter at least once for free, and many groups will let you sit in on a couple meetings before joining (you just can't weigh in until you join). If there are several groups in your area, I'd encourage you to visit them all before deciding which one to join. One may fit your personality better than another.
I've talked to my husband about joining my TOPS chapter with me, but he's violently opposed.
Why?
Because the group sings silly "diet songs" at the beginning of each meeting, and sings TO members on their birthdays, anniversaries, and for weight loss milestones (such as being the person who lost the most weight for the week, month, or year).
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