[sassypants]

Alright I'm starting my first topic on here. I'm always leery of starting new topics on boards where I'm new. (I co-own/run a community as well, and I hate cleaning up dupe topics.)

My parents made two mighty nice offers to me this past weekend. My mother offered to pay my registration and meeting costs for Weight Watchers. My father offered to pay for a year's membership at a local Bally's. Nice offers, right? But I'm having trouble with whether or not to accept them.

I get on fine with my parents. They're great people and the money it would cost them is nothing to them. They said as much. But the $315 for the gym membership (that's 1 year--Pops gets a deal for family through his work) and the $15 registration and however much for meetings for WW is a lot of money to me. And I'm 27 years old. I feel like sooner or later, I really need to just take financial responsibility for myself and not accept these sorts of gifts anymore. I know my parents are only offering because they know that I can't afford it, and they know it will help me lose the weight and thereby become a happier person (because right now--wreck city, hoooooboy!) but I feel guilty about even thinking about accepting these gifts because what if I fail? Then they've essentially wasted all that money.

Am I insane? Should I just shut the **** up and take them up on their kindness?

Thoughts? Kick in the ***? Anyone?

[flower]

I say, take them up on the offer but repay their kindness in another way. But only take it IF you are ready to make it work. If they are offering in hopes you are gonna loose, don't do it. But if you ARE ready to rework your life, Do IT!!!! What have you got to loose but pounds? I assume they aren't the kind of people who slap every inch of kindness back in your face.

My parents bought me a new computer this week. I don't see me ever repaying them $ back, but I do watch their pets, house and get their mail every time they go out of town. And that is all the time. A trip every 2 weeks at least. Or I accompany them on trips to help with the driving ect... It isn't always about the money. Lets face it, parents can be good people sometimes! ~flower

[mauvaisroux]

I agree with flower, you should only accept these gifts if you are going to make the commitment to use them.

When my parents offer things like this I accept on the condition that they count as a gift -say a birthday or Christmas gift- even if the occasion is months away. I tell the giver that on the actually day of the occasion they can just get me a card and nothing else (although my mom tries to sneak an extra thing in "just to have something to open" )

Instead of thinking "what if I fail" maybe you could use that as a motivation factor " they helped me to try to help myself so I will stay committed and prove to myself that I can do this! "

Good luck whatever you decide

[Punkinseed]

Sassy, I've been there...

In '92 my stepfather offered to pay me $1 per pound that I lost, then when I reached goal, another $1 per pound that I'd lost total - I'd already been going to WW so his offer wasn't to get me to go, but maybe to get me to keep going??? So, I lost 56 pounds ($56 over 6 mos.) then he paid me another $60 after I finished maintenance. I spent this money on my honeymoon.

Fast forward 11 years - I'm divorced and regained all the weight plus some (oh, but I'm a happier gal than I was then!). Does he feel like it was money wasted? No, not at all. Does he hold it against me that he paid all that money and then..... nope. It was a gift given with nothing else expected in return - well, he did ask me nutrition questions now and then, but he expected nothing back monitarily.

I agree with mauvais and flower - take them up if you're ready to make the change for yourself. I also think it's a great idea to do something for them relating to their gift to you. Maybe make them a wonderful healthy dinner from a WW cookbook to show them what you're doing. I'm sure they're more concerned with you being healthy and happy than they're worried about you ever paying them back or the posibility of regaining weight in the far future (stay here, we won't let you!).

I hope this helps...
Terri

[Eventualmente]

If that sort of moolah means nothing to your parents, and they are the generous type... then think of it this way:

Would you rather have them give you a gift that you need and want, or someTHING that will just sit around unused?

One thing I've learned from my generous mother's gift-giving habits is that she is going to give me stuff no matter how much I protest. So I might as well encourage her to spend her money on things that I will use.

It sounds like if your parents didn't spend the money on a weight-loss program for you, they would spend it on something else... for you. Why not take the useful gift?

[ilovemyluckycat]

You should take them up on the offer if you are ready to make some changes for you.

You call yourself a wreck...that is not because of weight or money I presume...there is something else. Do you want to make changes in your life?

I accepted $ 100 from my mother to join the Y. I was talking about doing it in FEb. and she offered me the money in Dec. I'm so glad she did because I got started then. Now 6 weeks later I am 13 pounds lighter and so much more fit. No, it is not the cure of all my problems, but exercising and eating right are all a part of a bigger goal of improving the quality of my life. Exercise and food are two ways to become healthier and they lead to comtemplating other facets of my life which I can improve.

Anyway, it's about what you need. Don't feel guilt about it. They love you.


Sandi

[sabrina]

I have to agree with everyone else ... accept the offer graciously, then "give back" by making the most of it! Let us know how it goes.

Sabrina

[sassypants]

You chicks rock my socks. (And I have some darn cute socks.)

Thanks for your advice. I'm taking my father up on the offer. We're going over to the local Bally's (which is where he gets the deal) tonight to sign me up. I'm actually pretty excited to get back into my morning workouts. Two years ago, I went to the gym every morning to beat the traffic--I was in the best shape of my life. I want to get back there, and I know I can. So I'm biting my money-issues in the *** and taking Pops up on the gym membership. I know I'll go. It's addicting.

Punkinseed, funny you should mention paying per pound. My father made that deal with me as well. Except he really upped the ante! He's offered to pay me $10 per pound I lose with a minimum of 25 pounds (meaning, he won't pay out for less), and a maximum of 50 pounds (I can keep losing, but he pays up to $500 and that's it). It's a definite motivator cos the money would be nice for new clothes and such. But I'm also thinking that if he'd take it (and knowing my dad, he wouldn't), I could pay him back the $315 with that money. I figure, I still come out ahead that way.

Wreck-wise.... I hit a wall over the weekend and had myself a wee little fit. (Though it seemed major at the time.) So the wreck-wise thing was me, mentally, being an abusive prick to myself. I'm working on that. Got me a kickass therapist (who isn't afraid to kick my *** when I need it) and I'm doing my best.

As for the Weight Watchers thing--I'm holding off on that for now. Not because I don't want to, but because I think I might have another deal going with another program that might wind up being a more lucrative deal for all parties involved. (Once everything is a done deal, I'll explain it in detail.) But for now, I'm basically doing the WW program without going to the meetings. I make my mom tell me what happened at her meetings though. I think it gets her excited as well, which is a win-win.

So far as wanting to repay my parents, I make some mean desserts, but that's kinda counterproductive. So I'm probably going to break out the massage table and moosh and squoosh them till they're both jello. And hey--that could probably count as exercise too!

Anyway, thanks for the kind words, the voices of reason, and just generally being there. I really appreciate it!!

[mauvaisroux]

Good decision Sassy!

Good luck with the gym and WOE plan