Problem isnt losing weight..problem is not sticking with it :(
For years i have tried many diets. Since i was 15 ive been on some kind of diet thanks to my mother..(she has a mini obsession with dieting and weight loss even though she is thin enough IMO)
Each time i would go on a diet, i would lose weight..but then i would gain it back..I would manage to lose weight and the first few weeks would work out..especially this one.. In fact, the first time i tried IP Alternatives, i lost alomst 30 pounds..which is the highest amount i have ever lost..however.. what happend? i went off it and i gained it all back...
See, im starting to see the picture now..Its not that i cant lose weight, because i can..losing 30 pounds is proof..My issue is : sticking to it..I dont know how to? How do you stick to it?
I really get sick of people saying "oh if you want it bad enough, you will do it.."...
Trust me i want it bad enough, ive wanted the madness to end since i was a teenager...but it hasnt.. in fact i want it so bad...that even though i was supposed get married in may, i postponed my wedding date, because i said i wanted to lose weight.. i didnt want to be a fat bride..so trust me..i want it bad enough..
However, regardless of how bad i want it..i have issues sticking to it..Someone help me out here..how come that is? Trust me, its a good diet.. i mean..every diet ive tried has had some degree of weight loss..so it has nothing to do with it not being the right type of diet.. i know that i need a restricted calorie low fat high protein diet that significantly reduces carbs.. i know how my body handles carbs...which is why it makes this diet optimal..however...i cant seem to go more than a few weeks without feeling discouraged..
Its like.. i weigh myself every week..am happy with the results, and then ask my hunny how i look and his response is "the same" And then i get discouraged..its like..someone needs to create a complimentary robot or something that can compliment you day and night to make you feel better...im beginning to think that even if someone were to lie to me every single day and say "wow you look hot! or "damn you look beautiful"...then perhaps just perhaps i might feel more encouraged and stick to it...
What do you think about that? Do you think if someone convincingly lied to you every single day and told you that you looked great and have "lost weight" do you think you would do better on your diet??
Cause my only theory i can come up with for not sticking to my diet, is that i get discouraged by feeling like no one else can see the results of my diet and then i feel discouraged and much more like a failure and then hopeless and quit...
I have the exact opposite happening in my home. Hubby tells me how thin I look and how skinny I am getting and honestly I have only lost a tiny amount of weight and have about 40lbs more to go. So anyhoo, he tells me this and then I think oh what the ****, a chocolate brownie will be okay because i look skinny. I wish my hubby was like yours and then I would keep wanting to go go go on this diet. No cheats. I don't have an answer for you other than a question? Are you doing this for yourself or for him? If doing for you then who cares what he says, keep going and stay OP and you will feel amazing. Good luck to you on your plan.
I'm not on IP but I've read your posts elsewhere. Here are my thoughts:
My highest weight was 320. When I began losing it no one (not even my husband) noticed until I had lost over 50 lbs. Did it suck? Yep. I wanted that encouragement. But I had to realize that I was doing this for other reasons and the compliments would come in time.
This time I'm doing it with virtually no support system (aside from 3fc). No one is around to see the change and you know what? It's okay. I see it and I acknowledge it daily. I give myself rewards for each mini goal, I treat myself every once and awhile, I don't get down on myself if I have an off day but I get back on the wagon immediately afterwards.
I know it's a cliche but you have to do this for you. You're the only person that can make the daily decision to stay on plan and not gain the weight back. Other people will notice eventually but until then you have to be your biggest fan.
I think the biggest issue is you are looking for validation from others. Look within yourself and find the strength. Even people we love and who love us will at times let us down, but that doesn't mean they are right or that we aren't important enough. If you fail because you feel they aren't acknowledging you then it's like it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy when you fall off of the wagon.
I've lost just about 35 pounds so far and not too many people are even noticing yet. Does that mean I stop and start eating off plan? No, because I know I feel better and I can tell. Eventually they will start to notice and I'll enjoy it when it comes. Do this for you and when someone else starts to notice, well then that's a bonus. If you want to get married now and so does your boyfriend, then get married. Believe me, the wedding gown is just something that truthfully is only on for about 4 to 5 hours and the photos don't really get looked at very much as the years go bye. Your marriage is hopefully for a lifetime, and that's the most important part.
its true. i want validation. I dont know if its because thats what i always got from my mom when i lost the smallest amount of weight or what? I want to say that im losing weight for myself, but on one hand i feel like im losing weight in part due to my parents un-acceptance of my body my entire life. In turn, i have never had an acceptance of my body for many many years...
While i agree with the poster who said that a wedding dress is only for a few hours, if i cant bare to look at myself in my wedding photos how sad is that? i know its short lived, i just never imagined myself walking down the isle at 300 pounds...
All i know is..my weight has gotten out of control...seriously out of control and its not good...in fact, if i dont do something now im going to probably die of a heart attack...its scary to think about but true.. i just dont know how to motivate and encourage myself..?
Is not dying from a weight related illness not enough encouragement? Is feeling better not enough? Breathing easier? Being more comfortable? Being less self conscious? Moving faster (or at all)? Feeling more confident?
You're a grown up (I assume). No one is going to coddle you through this. No one is going to pat you on the back or throw you a party for every ounce you lose. And if your self esteem and mommy/daddy issues run that deep seek counseling for that aspect of things.
First of all, you're not alone. Know that. Secondly, hugs to you.
From your post it sounds like you've been on many diets (like may others here at 3FC) and they work to a point. Heck, any less consumption will result in a weight loss, and that is the bottom like of any diet or program. That you, and others (me too) have gained it all back speaks volumes of our mindset and way we think about dieting. That has to change.
In the past, I would diet to lose the weight--that is change my eating habits, the types of food I ate, the amounts of food I ate, be it low carb, no carb, Weight Watchers, Herbalife (mixed drinks), SlimFast, exchange program (old WW), etc. You know how many diets are available...heck, just take a look here at 3FC to find out who is following what and having success (or not) on their program of choice. So, yes, we know that cutting back our intake and eating a certain way conforming to a certain plan will cause weight loss.
The missing VOILA however is maintenance. I never learned to maintain. Neither have you, neither have lots of us serial repeat dieters. THIS TIME, I know that maintenance has to be a part of my life, or I'm doomed to yo yo for the rest of my life.
So IP works for you to lose the weight...and I'm not on IP and don't know anything about it so I'm asking others on it to state...what happens to you when you reach goal? Do you continue to eat/drink foods particular to the IP plan or do you "eat normal foods"? I really don't know. The answer to that question is pivotal.
You know you can lose weight--you just need to learn to maintain the weight loss.
Getting back to IP. It works, clearly. BUT, maybe its not the plan for you ? Perhaps it is the plan in the short run, but not the long run? I can't even begin to suggest to anyone what plan, program or method of weight loss to choose....but either you're doing something drastic to lose the weight--which is meant for weight loss only and maintenance is something completely different....or you're adapting your way of eating for the remainder of your life. Maintenance. That is the elusive prize at the end of our dieting efforts. It doesn't have to be a notion. We need to lose the weight and get to maintenance, or we continue the madness.
As to wanting compliments to validate your efforts--you're setting yourself up for disaster.
As to no one noticing, here's a wonderful illustration:
This was posted by someone else on the forum, and its amazing. To find it for you, I searched "paper towels" and found it. Rather than linking it, I'm pasting it. It makes a lot of sense. Maybe it will give you some perspective. However I want to add that we are our own worst critics. You see yourself every day...its hard to see the difference. Maybe you are still wearing some of your old clothes, which are too big now, but were way snug then? So here it goes, and I hope it helps you:
Paper Towel Theory by Bob White
Let's assume you go out and buy two rolls of paper towels, each with only 84 paper towels on it (one for each day of the challenge). You put one aside, and keep it for future reference (your before/ picture).
The other one represents you (I'll call your paper towel you "Ed"). The core represents the lean Ed. The towels represent the fat that is covering the lean Ed. For sake of argument, let's say that Ed wants to lose 21 pounds of fat, so (84/21) each sheet represents a quarter-pound of fat lost. Let's also assume that Ed loses his fat equally during each day of the challenge.
Each day during the first week, you tear a sheet off of Ed, representing the fat he has lost for the day. Next, you put Ed next to the full roll ("Big Al") for comparison. No noticeable difference!!! Even at the end of the week! This can't be working for me!
But, being a good Ed, you continue to follow Body-for-LIFE. At the end of weeks two and three, you continue to compare Ed to Big Al, and still notice very little difference. That stinkin' Bill Phillips MUST be a liar!
But Ed is determined! He works hard! Three more weeks go by, the sheets peeling off day after day, before Ed gets up the courage to stand next to Big Al again. Holy Myoplex! Ed is skinny! OK, not skinny, but less huge!!!
By the end of the 12-week Body-for-LIFE program, Ed is down to his lean dream, or somewhere near it. Ed is happy. We are happy. Big Al - well he's not so happy.
The lesson to be learned is that fat, like paper towels, comes off in sheets. When you are heavy, you are big around. And when you are big around,that fat is spread over a MUCH larger area - just like that outside towel sheet. The closer you get to the lean you, the more each lost pound of fat shows, because it is spread over a smaller area.
While the outside sheet may only cover 1 layer of the roll, the inside sheet may go around 4 times. That last sheet looks like it gives you 4 times the results of the first sheet, but in reality, the results are the same - your perception is just different! And you'll never see the inside, if you aren't patient while the outside is coming off! - Bob White
I hope you stick with your efforts...you want to. Find a way to make it happen and diet smart, not hard. Good luck.
Last edited by 124chicksinger; 11-19-2011 at 09:10 PM.
Up to 98% of weight loss efforts fail, and I think it's because we're TAUGHT to fail.
We're taught that the appropriate response to a gain on the scale, even when we KNOW it's water weight or TOM or a perfectly logical, temporary event - the "appropriate" response is to get upset, discouraged, and to binge.
We're taught that weight loss is temporary, just by the way everyone responds to it:
Are you still dieting? Why, you look great.
Aren't you DONE yet?
Oh, come on, just a little treat won't hurt, once in a while.....
There are thousands of diet books written every year, and almost none deal with weight maintenance, and only a couple have been written exclusively about maintaining weight loss (Refuse to Regain, is a good one).
Most of us believe that weight loss has to be unpleasant, boring, discouraging, and even unpleasant. Who wants to sign up for that, forever?
I've struggled for my whole life trying to lose weight and do it permanently, and I discovered that I wasn't failing because I was lazy, crazy, or stupid, but because I was following "the rules." I was doing weight loss, the way I saw EVERYONE else doing weight loss... temporarily.
We know that "Do as I say, not as I do," is terrible parenting... well it's terrible social behavior as well. We don't follow the "written rules" we follow the social rules that say "do what everyone else does." And we don't see very many effective role models for weight loss.
It's like the "employee handbook" that everyone has to read on a new job. There are always rules that everyone learnd to disobey, because "no one follows that rule." The "real" rule in the workplace is "do what everyone does, or the poop will hit the fan." The people who follow the written rules when no one else does, often ends up being scorned (even by the bosses).
To succeed at weight loss, you have to learn to break all the unwritten rules that keep us following the unsuccessful, but popular pattern.
There are a lot of ways to break the ineffective unwritten rules, you just have to find out which work best for you.
For me, weighing daily (and learning to be happy with that, and learning to be motivated or uneffected (rather than the "rule" which is to be discouraged) in response to normal weight fluctuations.
For me, it (at least initially) meant making it about something other than weight loss. For me, weight loss was so important, than when it seemed that my behavior wasn't resulting in weight loss (or at least not the amount of weight loss I expected) I threw out the behavior - even though I knew the behavior would have been healthy even without weight loss (and probably would have eventually resulted in weight loss - but I though that slow weight loss was nearly as much failure as no weight loss - another belief I was "taught" when instead of praise, I would get consolation or commiseration when I failed to lose at the speed considered appropriate).
For me, deciding to commit to healthy changes "forever" whether or not weight loss resulted, meant that when I did lose weight, it was the "reward" not the goal (at which I could fail even when I did "everything else" right).
When I expected weight loss to occur at a specific speed, I could feel like a failure, even when I did everything "right." I would think "what I'm doing isn't working," when it was working, it just wasn't working at the speed I expected it to. I quit not because I was failing, but because my success didn't feel like success.
And I learned that largely my success didn't feel like success, because I was told and taught that it wasn't success. I couldn't lose weight at the speed that I was taught to expect, so I gave up, because I was convinced that I was "doing it wrong, and that I'd never be able to do it right."
It's hard to succeed at anything that feels like failure far, far more often than it feels like success. We don't have to feel success "all of the time," but we do have to feel it a lot of the time, or the natural, and logicla thing is to give up.
How long would you stay at a job, if your paychecks kept getting smaller and smaller, and coming less and less reliably than you expected?
Which job would you stay at longer, a job at which your paychecks meeted or exceeded your needs and expectations, or one in which the paychecks never meeted your needs and expectations.
To some degree, we're expected to "never be satisfied" with weight loss, it makes weight loss one of th things that few people succeed at.
Those who succeed either find ways to acheive the success they want/expect, or learn to expect/want the success they can achieve.
It's rather ironic that lowering my expectations and definition of success allowed me to succeed in ways that nearly 35 years of setting impossibly high standards did not.
For me, joining a group like TOPS (taking off pounds sensibly) was incredibly helpful. It allowed me to see what "normal" weight loss really is. I was judging myself as having failed, while I was actually succeeding.
For most of my 40 years of dieting, I defined success in a way that made it virtually impossible to achieve. I was dooming myself to failure, by defining success in an unachievable way. I was never getting the paycheck I not only felt I deserved, but that I thought that everyone but me was receiving.
It finally hit home, when I complained to my doctor (at the time I was only losing 1 lb per month, for a lot of complicated reasons, physical and emotional), that I should at least be losing 2 lbs per week "like a normal person," and my doctor scoled me for thinking that "everyone" was losing 2 lbs per week. He reminded me that losing anything was better than normal, that just "sticking with it" was exceptional.
We treat weight loss like an imaginary marathon. We see a thousand people ahead of us, so we think we must be in last place, only because we don't see the 25,000 people behind us.
In the past, I never would have considered slow weight loss as success, so in a real way, I've "failed off" nearly 100 lbs, only because I redefined success in a way that I could acheive often enough to feel "too successful to quit."
You have to find a way to feel enough success to keep going. And unrealistic expectations may be the single biggest obstacle to success.
You can work harder to acheive a success you can be proud of, or you can work to be proud of the success you can acheive (and you can do a bit of both), but SEEING success is key.
But we're taught to see failure out of some sense that only perfectionists win in the end. You don't have to be perfect (which is good, because perfect is usually impossible), you just have to be better (and keep getting better until you're satisfied with your results... and it is ok to be satisfied with your results).
Port instead of focusing on the weight loss focus on a healthier you. Look for validation on how you feel and how you move. Focus on how clothing fit you. The weight didn't come on over night and it will not be gone over night.
Instead of looking for validation that you are "skinny" look at the numbers that you are losing. Set small goals like a small award when you lose 31 pounds then when you get to 41 and 51 so that you keep yourself motivated.
A good way to see how much you are changing is take pictures of yourself and then wait a month or two or say 50 pounds and take pictures in the same clothes and poses. Keep doing that and compare the photos you'll see the differences, you might not see it in your body much because it takes a while but your face will show it. That should help motivate yourself.
Kaplods..."too sucessful to quit" really rang with me as I read your post. I too am a member of TOPS (in fact, I'm my chapter's leader) which will be part of my maintenance phase and will be part of my life always.
Port - find your spot and keep with it. No one really gushed about me until I lost 56 pounds...but I saw it in myself and that's what matters most (as cliche as that sounds it's absolutely the truth!). I had someone on my facebook say "wow, you've lost weight, being in love agrees with you"....I didn't like that, this isn't about a boy...this is about me getting focused on my health...which in turn made me think "wow, this is TOTALLY about me, not anyone else"
Try something like calorie counting. You can eat all your favorite foods but have to learn how to manage them (i.e. small portions, as a treat etc) and you learn about nutrition too. Stick to mostly healthy but tasty food and re-learn how to eat normal portions. I think that is the way to go for a long term solution.
It is a way slower approach to losing weight but in my experience you learn a lot about yourself, your cravings and habits, your body and nutrition. Your mind and body needs to catch up with the new lifestyle. If you go slow you can adjust. One reason why it will stick better I guess. They say the slower you lose the better you can hold the lower weight.
Also, add some exercising to your new life. I found it tough in the beginning to find time and energy but slowly you will start enjoying it. And you will miss it when you don't workout! Start with walking for example. And later maybe running. Add some weight exercises (bodyweight or free weights). You can all do it for cheap and at home.
I don't think I would be where I am without adding exercise. It just fits into the new lifestyle and feels less like a diet. People tell me all the time that they wouldn't know that I am losing weight when they see me eat. Most people don't realize you can eat "normal" food (even eat out) and still lose weight.
I started in January and have lost 69 lbs. I am close to goal and don't feel like this year was hardship. I takes some dedication and discipline but you know, you choose to do it and it becomes normal life. I don't deprive myself, I make it work. Lots of planning but it is worth it.
It was one of the best years I have had I think. At least I feel like it lived it in a better way. Enjoyed it more.
And I can't wait until next year. I am close to goal and decided I will make 2012 my fitness year. I signed up for a capoeira class and want to intensify my fitness program to get toned and in good shape. I have so many ideas on what I want to achieve. I never had any wish to do sports but now I love it. You just need to get to base level of fitness to really feel the difference I guess.
I am 49 years old and believe me i have done countless diets and have always gained the weight back. Nutri system, weight watchers, jenny craig, atkins diet, low gi diet. I gained every single pound back and then some. This diet, IP, is finally about IMO, resetting your pancreas, stopping the carb addiction which i think it does. Craving carbs is a serious problem, i used to crave them especially at night, chips, popcorn, cookies. Since i have been on IP, i havent had those cravings. When you stick to this diet, the cravings for me have completely stopped and i have been doing it for 6 months.
You have a goal of losing weight for your wedding. But i think the reason for starting to lose weight must be more than that. You have to want to do it for yourself and to feel healthy and to feel good about yourself. It is so easy to pop something in your mouth and say oh well, i can put the wedding off by a month. Uh uh, not gonna work. Be committed to getting yourself healthy and to feel good about yourself. You have to make a huge but temporary committment to lose the weight. Then after you have reached your weight loss goal, then you have to be committed to changing the way you eat. You cannot go back to eating the way you ate that got you where you(and all of us) are. I am still in phase 1 but i worry about that part of it, the maintenance. Remember, the weight loss is only a small portion of your life, you said you can do it. So stick out your chest girl and get doing it. Worry about the gaining it back once you hit maitenance. I think if you follow IP you will learn to change your eating habits as alot of people who are in phase 4 and beyond. At the end of the day, it is a lifestyle change and the only one that can derail you is you!!!!
First of all is your dependence on someone else to validate your efforts, your appearance, your overall self-importance. You absolutely MUST do this for yourself. My husband told me once I would *never* be a size 8. Guess what. He was right--I wasn't an 8 long--I went on down to a 2/4.
You have to make the connection between the food and your being. For me I had to come to the vast realization that the food CEASED working for me. At some point I came to understand that it just wasn't doing the trick for me anymore. I had to find something else that would give me that high because food was just making me miserable ultimately.
I think I became overweight because I finally had POWER over all my food choices. At some point though it crossed the line and took my power away from me. I allowed food to control me, my body, my choices, my self-esteem and lifestyle. I decided I wanted my power again.
Well said Thighs be Gone - Control is the key word. Food had such control over me, i was always focused on food and now i dont. I have my life back , food doesnt own me anymore!!!
Problem isnt losing weight..problem is not sticking with it :(
