sensualappeal, I looked at your starting weight of 139 pounds, your loss, and feel sad that you have a negative body image. This makes your feelings about how you feel no less valid but perhaps you are being just too hard on yourself. From what you write it seems he fancies you or he would not want to make love to you, perhaps you can take some positivity from him.
You are caught in a vicious cycle here, feeding negativity from all angles, eating and intimacy. Perhaps you can stand back a little and try to see a different perspective.
You say he is an amazing guy, clearly he fancies you. If you keep cancelling dates you will lose him, you know this, and perhaps taking a leap of faith with this clearly gorgeous fella and just talking to him about how you feel, honestly and openly, may just take you guys to a new level.
If he backs off then at least you have been true to yourself and respected him by crediting him with the gift of truth, rather than forcing him off because you feel you cannot reach his standard (which, by the way, is another excuse for self-desctruction).
I do empathise, I have been in this situation though it was many years ago. I weighed less than you ... in fact I was skinny, but I felt I was fat. This is not a reasonable self image.
Try to see yourself as he sees you, someone he wants to date and make love with. Give him that much credit and then perhaps you will start to see yourself as desirable.
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