Depression and Weight IssuesHave you been diagnosed with depression, are possibly on depression medication, and find it affects your weight loss efforts? Post here for support!
Today, was not my day. I've been crying ever since I woke up. I can't stop crying. I feel very alone and depressed. I've been with my girlfriend for a year and not once have we "done it." When we first started going out, I was already in my weight loss journey. I use to weight 215 lbs. I am now in my 150s. I thought she would love me for who I am and be supportive. Instead, she doesn't touch me because I "disgust her." I've lost soo much weight and I still get excuses. I don't think it's fair. I try my hardest to get her to be attractive to me. I've lost so much weight people compliment me all the time. If she doesn't feel attractive to me, why did she ask me out in the first place? Well she says it's because she wants to be there when I'm finished. In other words, she will only do me when I'm finally skinny!
I want to break up with her, but I live with her in another city away from my hometown where I have no one else. I don't have a job right now. I go to college. I'm stuck. I feel so depressed. Eventhough I'm almost at my goal (130 lbs) I feel like quitting. Like giving up period. Her response when I told her it wasn't fair, "Life is not fair I can't help who I am & what I like."
I feel worthless, ugly, & completely alone. No one has supported me in this journey no one. Not even my obese family.
P.S. I'm a girl too.
Last edited by whatadiaryisfor; 10-21-2011 at 12:44 AM.
This may not help, and I hope I'm not saying something that will make you feel worse, but my thought is that no one should ever chase love, affection, or attention. If it isn't given freely by another person, it isn't worth having.
You are not worthless or ugly. If this girl doesn't want you now, why would you even entertain the idea that you'll be thrilled and happy when she decides to come around? No one should have ever the ability in your life to make you feel ugly, worthless or depressed. Life is too short. Find someone who makes you feel worthy and beautiful. Everyone deserves that. Good luck.
Honey this "relationship" is not healthy. I'm not saying that physical relations are everything in a relationship but they are a part of it.
Don't lose weight for her, lose it for yourself. If you want to lose weight to feel better about yourself that's good motivation, but don't lose it just so a particular person will sleep with you.
Don't let her emotional abuse stop you from making positive changes. If you are happy with your body and health at your current weight, great, switch over into maintenance mode, up your calories a little bit or whatever and enjoy life.
I get that being alone is scary but its not all bad. I'm single, I have time for my job, I get to work out every night after work and no one is there to complain I don't have enough time for them. I have time to watch my favorite TV shows. I have time to play my guitar, and even time to spend with my few friends that I've eventually made over the years. I can wear what I want, and look how I want to look.
Single winds hands down over being in any relationship where I am not respected and cared for.
Your girlfriend sounds absolutely awful. Conditional love is not love at all, and she seems to be open to offering her "love" (and I use that term very loosely) only when the conditions are right for her. And who's to say she'll even make good on that statement when you get down to goal weight? You need to be with someone who will be attracted to you and want you ALL THE TIME, not just when you fit into a mold that they want you to fit into. So, let's say you get down to your goal weight, what then? Even if she decided then that you're good enough, it will all feel hollow.
My opinion (and my apologies if this sounds harsh, but people like that really anger me)? DUMP THE *****. Go it alone for a little bit. Get right with yourself. And when you feel like the time is right, you can open yourself up to someone who will want you no matter what size you're at. Conditional love is not love at all.
I've been stuck living with someone who made me feel worthless before too. I had a job, but I also had 2 kids and I couldn't make ends meet without this other person. I hate that someone you love and is supposed to love you back is being such a negative Nelly. We can't help who we fall in love with. I fell in love with a guy who expected ME to be what made him happy when he needed to be doing that on his own.
Don't depend on someone else for your self worth sweetie. You may be stuck living with her, but you don't have to be stuck with her forever. You pcik yourself up out of that bed (which I know is VERY hard when you feel this sad), but you get up, you leave the house and go anywhere else. The bookstore, the mall, whatever. Let her know with your actions that you don't need her to survive. YOU are a worthy person, who is beautiful and wonderful and deserves to be loved for real, not because you're skin and bones.
Are there any groups at your school? I never went to college (with an actual campus, just online classes), so I don't know if such a thing exists, but you never know... There are also a lot of young singles groups at churches (well, down here in the South anyway)... Maybe you could find one? That will be a little tricky as some churches are very judgemental about same-sex partners, but I know there are other churches and people who don't judge others.
We can't help who we love, but we can gather the strength and encouragement to stand up for ourselves, and move forward in spite of some people's best efforts to hold us back. My favorit quote (that I shared on another thread alread) is:
"It's not who you are that holds you back. It's who you think you're not."
When you start thinking about what you think you are not, you get on here and tell someone. PM someone here if you need to talk or need encouragement. Everyone here knows what its like trying to get healthy. But getting healthy is not just physical, it is mental too.
Keep your chin up and go out and make some new friends. Find someone from school who needs a roommate. I think you can get a student loan with a stipend (where they give you extra money to live on). It sucks once you have to pay it back, but if it makes you healthier and free from a heartless witch, well... it's worth the extra money down the road. Talk to someone in Financial Aid about your options.
1. Those who help you
2. Those who stay away from you
3. Those who hurt you
Those who help you love you and support you. They want the best for you at no cost to them. Stay with these people
Those who stay away from you either can't handle something in themselves to be close by and they are self preserving (we all do this)
Those who hurt you simply don't want things to change. They have their best interest at heart and don't want you to better yourself, cause that would mean change. They like things to remain stagnant and the same.
If your girlfriend is hurting you and not helping you then it's time to do what's BEST FOR YOU! Yes you love her but you have to take care of you and love you before you can fully give. If she isn't supporting you and putting you down then she simply doesn't want you better yourself, you deserve better than that. You have made huge strides in losing weight, now you need to FEEL it inside, do it for you and love you. If she can't see that or support you in that, then you need to decide what's best for you.
Thank you very much for your words of encouragement! I feel a lot better today. I feel more motivated to move forward on my own. & I've decided not to give up on my weight loss journey I need 27 lbs more, that is nothing compared to when I started. I will lose weight and look hot and if my girlfriend doesn't do me as I am right now she is sure not having me when I get to my goal.
I will lose weight and look hot and if my girlfriend doesn't do me as I am right now she is sure not having me when I get to my goal.
I personally really respect this opinion. If someone doesn't think you're worthwhile when you're fat, then why in the **** should they think they deserve you when you're thin? I've been through this with men before, and it's just as true with a girlfriend.
What is that Marilyn Monroe quote I've heard..."If you can't handle me at my worst, then you don't deserve me at my best."
Your girlfriend is a manipulator. She wants you to meet her requirements and then you will be "good enough for her ". You will never be good enough in her eyes she will always have something you must do to be worthy of her. You are better than that. Start making a plan to get out of this sick situation. Somewhere there is someone who will love you just as you are.
I have to agree with the others. This woman you are dating is not good for you. It sounds like she is using you, and if you're only 20 lbs away from goal weight you probably look great. Plus, if she ever actually said you "disgust her" then you should be kicking her to the curb. She makes you feel bad about yourself, and that is the exact opposite of what a partner should do for you.
Thank you everyone. Today I woke up, still sad, but with motivation to move on with my life. I put on makeup and dressed up a little just to try and feel better about myself and my looks. I've come a long way since I started losing weight I refuse to let myself go because of my gf jerk ways. & while she always says it's my fault not hers (because I'm fat) I refuse to believe that! She's a jerk, period.
I second the abusive comment. It's time to let this girl go and focus on allowing yourself to become the best version of yourself that you can. She's making your life worse, not better.
Personal anecdote, for comparison: I've been with my partner for eons. When we first met, I was slim and gorgeous. He loved me. Then I gained a bunch of weight. He loved me. Then I lost a bunch of weight and was super-slim and gorgeous. He loved me. Then I regained even more weight and am fat and unslightly. He loves me.
For those of us who struggle with our weight, it is a NON-STARTER to get into relationships with people whose love is contingent. The person has to be willing to love you (and do you!) fat or thin or young or old. You deserve better.
And I second the comment about counselling. I am a college professor and I know that if you were a student of mine, I would be very very happy to point you in the direction of people on campus who could help you.
I agree and then some with the posters above me. This women is using mental abuse and you need to get out. If she can't love you and want you physically while you have some extra flesh on you then she doesn't deserve you without it. Honestly even after you hit "HER" goal I bet she finds something else to control you with.
You are worth so much more than that.
I feel like quitting my weight loss journey
I feel worthless, ugly, & completely alone. No one has supported me in this journey no one. Not even my obese family.
