[InsideMe]

So I had an ephiphany today. As I get closer to 200 I'm getting terrified....scared of being thin, not physically but what I feel like being "SMALL"

So I googled it and guess what? Wow there are lots of reasons why people regain the weight they have lost and how they continue that vicious cycle...which leads me to emotionally eat, become depressed etc etc etc...you know the drill...

As I'm reading this article they talk about this cycle:

1. You get sick of being overweight and decide to change things
2. For awhile you drop a few pounds
3. Then without warning you lose control and being to gain again to point some people feel possessed by a drive to eat that you can't stop (OMG THIS HAPPENS TO ME IF I DON'T WATCH IT!!!) You know your regaining the weight you worked so hard to lose
4. You then hate and blame yourself and even feel a little crazy (YUP!)
5. You eventually either go back to dieting or back to your old way
6. The cycle happens again and eventually even if you hit goal, while maintaining the same cycle continues....

Nothing has changed.

Well this article talks about that if you follow this cycle (me to a tee!) you have a deep seated fear of being thin. And these are the reasons why:

1.You may fear your sexual energy. Many individuals fear that they will lose control sexually if they lose weight.
2.You may have been raped and fat protects you from men: “If I stay obese men will not pursue me and I will be safe.”
3.Your self-esteem may be very low and you might actually feel undeserving of weight loss.
4.Your fat may be a way of resisting the growing-up process (baby fat), because adulthood seems frightening.
5.You may believe that losing weight might require you to make other scary or painful choices and changes (divorce, change jobs, lose friends).
6.Weight loss may require you to accept more challenges or responsibilities. Staying fat then becomes a form of safety.
7.You may fear being seen and therefore judged.
8.You may fear the loss of food as a drug and a hiding place from the difficulties of your life.
9.You may fear your own power: “Who and what will I be if I drop these pounds?”


I hit 7 of these!!! And I know it's from my truama and self esteem, being small I feel insecure. The weight made me unattractive, I felt big, stronger somehow...being small I don't have the cushion....

Anyways, I wanted to share. I really felt that I had an AH-HA moment of why I continued this cycle of binging, depression, overeating, emotional eating....it all stems from my self esteem and self worth and my fear of being thin....being fat I can keep the cycle going...being thin brings a new way of life I have never known, that unknown scares me...but I think it's time to look at the fear!

I hope this made sense and helps others too Cheers!

[Andynoo]

i found this amaizing to read... i dont know why i feel the need to start this crazy cycle over and over again... but a few of the above mentioned do sound familiar. think ill need to start working on my own issues aswell and losign weight

Thank you for posting this

[bexwild]

A fear is a fear - if it's rational or not! Kudos to you for TALKING about this fear, that's one of the first steps to fighting it... get it girl!
My cousin had to realie it was part of her cycle:
1. She's not ready to stop over eating (for various reasons)
2. She was afraid for YEARS that her husband wouldn't love her as much if she lost weight. He fell in love with her, so why would he want her any other way.

Of course she felt terrible for admitting that fear (because on the surface it sounds like she doesn't have faith in her man), but once they were able to talk about it @ least THAT portion of fear is gone!

[GreatPerhaps]

Thank you for posting this! I can DEFINITELY relate. I actually lost about 50 pounds last year, and I felt like a toddler whose safety blanket had been taken away...I remember posting on the boards that I couldn't handle all the attention I was getting, and I regained the weight shortly thereafter.

I guess the important thing for those of us struggling with this is learning how to break the cycle...

[InsideMe]

Yeah breaking the cycle is so hard. I remember the feeling of my arms not rubbing against my waist, I got really scared. I was abused since I was 2 so this is very deep seated with me. My weight made me feel strong, bigger, it was my many physical layers that kept me safe...but as I dug deeper into my issues, going to counselling for my trauma etc. and the weight started to come off it retriggered those insecure feelings.....especially attention from men...men scare me lol I don't hate men, I just don't like the attention. Its so funny while I was 35lbs heavier I was super sexy I had no problem showing a little cleavage etc...now I'm getting even more insecure??? I want to cover up more. That makes so sense to me but it's something I think I need to journal about or work through.

If you google fear of being thin lots of things pop up, it really made me think about my own patterns. Glad it helped you ladies! Knowledge is power right? You can't change what you don't acknowledge

[DezziePS]

I wish more of these were true than they are for me. They are really deep, psychological issues that would make me feel a lot better about being fat than just that I like to eat, I like to eat for fun, and I reward myself with food. I don't mean it's like that with everyone AT ALL, I am sure a lot of people have these problems that are contributing to their gain, and that must really be terrible- I can't imagine.

I read an essay by Gloria Steinem a few years ago where she was talking about how she had started working out (she's always looked pretty fit IMHO) and she said that seeing the muscle definition in her arms was empowering to her, it made her feel physically strong and capable. I always liked that. Thinking of working out as a feminist issue! Now if I can just channel that!

[Blankies]

I agree with you girls 100%, thank for posting this 'InsideMe'. I've tried to share with my sister that I was afraid of losing weight because of unwanted attention from men. She said I was bonkers & that it was just an excuse to keep on eating. But to see you all discussing this point makes my fear a reality & not a joke. I've lost so much weight in higschool & never really had a boyfriend before then. So after school I was taken a back when I suddenly had all this attention & also learned how many sharks there are amongst men.

Now, being married, I'm afraid of losing weight because I'm not sure if I'll be able to handle the attention. I truelly don't like being looked at while I'm with my husband. But I'll just need to learn to acknowledge the attention, think of it as a compliment & just let it go!

Thanks girls!!

[lilcrazy]

Tbank You So Much For Posting This.

[lilcrazy]

thank you so much for posting this my weight has always been a security blanket for me. my excuse for why i am not who i was meant to be. my lie. fat ppl cant achieve this therefore this is why i fail.. on purpose. i don't want to have to try.. i now have to stare this in the face. thank you so much for bringing it to me

[cherrypie]

do you have a link to the article?

[InsideMe]

Yup, I copied and pasted most of it in my OP cause I didn't think we could post links here???? But here it is:

http://www.dietriffic.com/2007/10/20...o-you-fear-it/

[christine123]

Thank you so much for posting this. I hit many of these points and thoughts and feelings in the article. I tend to go from feeling thin and more confident, to hating and loathing how I look more NOW than when I was obese at my heaviest known weight. I think I am afraid that when it doesn't work out with a relationship, I won't be able to blame it on being heavy... it will actually be because of a flaw and defect in ME...which is also cruddy, stinkin' thinkin.' But it was easier to blame the weight. My mom always said "you have such a pretty face but..." so there's an expectation that being thin makes life better and makes one bulletproof from heartache and pain. I still believe my thin friends have a better life and are less likely to get abandoned. This irrational thinking is something that years of therapy has only slightly improved. And it's funny but I get so annoyed when I get male attention but when I was obese, I was so sad that I didn't get it. Crazy, huh??

[Sunshine73]

What an interesting article and a lot of food for thought.

I know that the thought of being thin makes me a little nervous but I couldn't ever really pin point the 'why' of that. Even when I think/talk about a goal weight, the number I choose always still places me in the 'overweight' category. It's like it's too much to expect, want or even be comfortable at less than overweight.

I just thought it was most likely because I've always been fat so losing the fat would be like losing a part of my identity. However, lot listed there makes sense to me and my journey as well.

[kyalpn]

I have long thought this about myself. I think some of the reason I haven't always taken care of myself is because being overweight protects me from having to be vulnerable.

I was hurt very badly by a guy I loved with my whole heart (it wasn't his or anyone's fault. It was just one of those things), and I've always thought that perhaps I am trying to protect myself from that kind of pain. I never wanted to be rejected again, so on some level, I made myself unattractive to men so they would reject me. I'm my own self fulfilling prophecy.

[Chocolate Wonderland]

Wow this article was very timely as I'm sitting in my living room wondering when will it click for me to lose all this dirty weight.I hit all points and this is very eye opening..knowing this will help me handle my emotions.