Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Wausau, WI
Posts: 13,383
S/C/G: SW:394/310/180
Height: 5'6"
|
I've come to realize that my husband doesn't need to understand all of my needs and desires, and I don't have to understand all of his.
I don't need my husband to see me as imperfect - I don't even have to see myself as imperfect. My husband can love me exactly as I am - and even I can love me exactly as I am.
In fact, I had to learn to love myself exactly as I was in order to change.
I look at it this way. If you love someone, you want to do everything you can to help that person. If you hate someone, you don't feel like going out of your way to help that person.
When I hated myself, I didn't want to help me. I wanted to hurt myself. And when I hurt myself, I felt bad and wanted to comfort myself. The only way I could hurt myself and be comforted at the same time, was to overeat. The bully-me got to hurt the victim-me, and the victim-me got her comforting with the food.
Now that I love myself, exactly as I am, I want to do great things for myself - and the most important thing I can do for myself, is take care of my health.
I'm succeeding this time because my diet and exercise is not a way to punish the bad-me; it's a way to pamper the wonderful-me.
And I have to say that I experience a lot more success and a lot more motivation for future success by seeing this journey as a way to take care of, and pamper the wonderful me.
I realize now that all my previous weight loss attempts failed, because I always eventually got tired of punishing myself - and the overeating and the gaining would return.
Since I stopped punishing myself, I haven't been seriously tempted to quit - because I don't get tired of rewarding myself.
I can make eating well rewarding, easily. I imagine myself a chef at a fancy weight loss resort (the one I'd love to go to, but can't afford). When I go to the farmer's market I decide that I'm going to treat myself to the most delicious looking fruit and vegetables I can find, and maybe make it an extra-special treat by trying something I've never tried before.
It has not been as easy for me to see exercise as anything but punishment (except swimming, which I've always loved).
But recently my husband and I joined the YMCA, and I've been using a little notebook to write down what I've done at the gym. Usually I do treadmill and then the pool. I write down my treadmill time, distance, and speed. And I write down what I did in the pool - how many pool lengths in how much time - how many minutes treading water - how many minutes using the water dumb bells. And then when I'm done, I sit in the hot tub. The hot tub is my main reward for doing the workout, but the biggest kick I get is beating my previous gym record. I try to always improve at least one of my numbers. My speed, distance, or time on the treadmill, my speed, distance, or time in the pool. So far, I've been able to improve at least two numbers every time I've gone.
And when I brag to my husband (the same one who loves me, exactly as I am) that I beat my last record, says, "That's great, good for you."
If I say to this man, "I'm miserable, I'm fat, lazy, and ugly and I don't love me this way."
He is going to say "I love you, exactly as you are," not "I agree. You're fat, lazy, and ugly and I don't love you this way."
You don't need your bf's understanding, or even his cooperation to do good things for yourself, but I do think that if you don't love yourself now exactly as you are, you're going to find it much harder to do nice things for yourself, this person you don't like very much.
Last edited by kaplods; 09-08-2011 at 09:03 PM.
|