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Old 09-08-2011, 05:38 PM   #1  
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So my boyfriend and I have been together for over a year and I know he is the one and he loves me just the way I am, but I don't love me just the way I am.... I know you ladies out there must have the same problem. How do you get them to understand that you need to exercise and eat better even, if they think you are perfect just the way you are??
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Old 09-08-2011, 06:58 PM   #2  
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Hmm...

I guess I don't quite understand the problem fully...

My husband loves me at any weight or size, but he's happy for me when I'm exercising and eating healthier. NOT because of weight loss, but because doing healthy things not only makes me healthier in general, but puts me in a better mood and mindset.

Who wouldn't want their partner to benefit from all the good that exercise and eating healthier provides regardless of their size?

Even if I did have a partner that didn't understand fully, it wouldn't keep me from my goals.

Perhaps your boyfriend thinks that you're only concerned about the way you look, so he's assuring you that you don't need to change. Maybe your emphasis needs to be on the health aspect of those changes. How you want to focus on being fit. Not just being thinner.

Then maybe he'll get it. It's for health. Not for the fact that you don't like yourself.
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Old 09-08-2011, 08:08 PM   #3  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lovely View Post
Perhaps your boyfriend thinks that you're only concerned about the way you look, so he's assuring you that you don't need to change.
This.

In my experience, as soon as you say the words "I'm fat," the guy will try to assure you that you're beautiful at your size. If you keep going on about it, they'll probably get annoyed. If you always do this, then he may be worried about you taking an unhealthy approach to weight loss like starving yourself or over exercising.

Assure him that you also want to be healthier too. Then he'll encourage you because he'll know that you're going to do this for the better.
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Old 09-08-2011, 08:28 PM   #4  
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All of the above, both posts.
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Old 09-08-2011, 09:01 PM   #5  
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I've come to realize that my husband doesn't need to understand all of my needs and desires, and I don't have to understand all of his.

I don't need my husband to see me as imperfect - I don't even have to see myself as imperfect. My husband can love me exactly as I am - and even I can love me exactly as I am.

In fact, I had to learn to love myself exactly as I was in order to change.

I look at it this way. If you love someone, you want to do everything you can to help that person. If you hate someone, you don't feel like going out of your way to help that person.

When I hated myself, I didn't want to help me. I wanted to hurt myself. And when I hurt myself, I felt bad and wanted to comfort myself. The only way I could hurt myself and be comforted at the same time, was to overeat. The bully-me got to hurt the victim-me, and the victim-me got her comforting with the food.

Now that I love myself, exactly as I am, I want to do great things for myself - and the most important thing I can do for myself, is take care of my health.

I'm succeeding this time because my diet and exercise is not a way to punish the bad-me; it's a way to pamper the wonderful-me.

And I have to say that I experience a lot more success and a lot more motivation for future success by seeing this journey as a way to take care of, and pamper the wonderful me.

I realize now that all my previous weight loss attempts failed, because I always eventually got tired of punishing myself - and the overeating and the gaining would return.

Since I stopped punishing myself, I haven't been seriously tempted to quit - because I don't get tired of rewarding myself.

I can make eating well rewarding, easily. I imagine myself a chef at a fancy weight loss resort (the one I'd love to go to, but can't afford). When I go to the farmer's market I decide that I'm going to treat myself to the most delicious looking fruit and vegetables I can find, and maybe make it an extra-special treat by trying something I've never tried before.

It has not been as easy for me to see exercise as anything but punishment (except swimming, which I've always loved).

But recently my husband and I joined the YMCA, and I've been using a little notebook to write down what I've done at the gym. Usually I do treadmill and then the pool. I write down my treadmill time, distance, and speed. And I write down what I did in the pool - how many pool lengths in how much time - how many minutes treading water - how many minutes using the water dumb bells. And then when I'm done, I sit in the hot tub. The hot tub is my main reward for doing the workout, but the biggest kick I get is beating my previous gym record. I try to always improve at least one of my numbers. My speed, distance, or time on the treadmill, my speed, distance, or time in the pool. So far, I've been able to improve at least two numbers every time I've gone.

And when I brag to my husband (the same one who loves me, exactly as I am) that I beat my last record, says, "That's great, good for you."


If I say to this man, "I'm miserable, I'm fat, lazy, and ugly and I don't love me this way."

He is going to say "I love you, exactly as you are," not "I agree. You're fat, lazy, and ugly and I don't love you this way."

You don't need your bf's understanding, or even his cooperation to do good things for yourself, but I do think that if you don't love yourself now exactly as you are, you're going to find it much harder to do nice things for yourself, this person you don't like very much.

Last edited by kaplods; 09-08-2011 at 09:03 PM.
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Old 09-08-2011, 09:17 PM   #6  
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I never discussed getting into better shape with my DH and we've been together for 20 years. I just started my journey and he was supportive. He did say that he loved me before and he loves me now. When you fall in love with someone, you fall in love with the whole person - mind, body and soul. At least that's how it was for me. Looks fade but someone's spirit is ageless. The package may look a bit different but the inside remains the same IMO.
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