Aaargh! Saying hi and needing help
Um hi?
Ive been lurking for a long time. Im not overweight, and in fact have had a history of restricting (of about 20 years). Im not underweight either though. In fact most of the time Im perfectly healthy. but 8 years ago, I moved overseas, alone, for the first time in my life, and since then, to a greater or lesser extent, Ive binged. Ive never purged
At the moment I am ten weeks from finishing my thesis. I have a deadline at the end of the week that is feeling pretty tignt. The last few months have been stressful.
Heres the thing. If I binge a bit, im finding that at the moment it helps me write. Firstly, Im pretty easily distracted when Im in a good mood. I want to get out and chat to people. I want to see whats going on on Facebook. But binging makes me feel bad enough that I dont want to actually exist. Not wanting to think about having binged is good motivation to keep my mind on my work.
Secondly, I guess, sitting at the computer all day and trying to say something hard is not that much fun, in the short term. And eating something delicious is. So I know Im doign it, I tell myself today is a writing day, and in return I can eat what I want.
My binges arent as bad as they used to be. I stop when Im just uncomfortably full. They are still big enough that Ive put on about 5 pounds in a month. They still involve that mindless, frantic eating.
The main thing is, its just another couple of months till I finish, and its tempting to say I will deal with it then. I dont want anything to distract me from doing as well as I can . At the same time I dont want to get into the habit of doing this. Firstly, I like how I look now. More importantly, Im actually quite good at what Im doing, and if I do well enough, I will quite probably be offered a grant to keep going next year. I enjoy what Im researching, its really interesting. I want to find a better way to deal with difficult deadlines, so that I can kee enjoying it.
I think thats all. Its hard to explain everything in a couple of paragraphs. But its good to be able to write it down. I would love any support or advice
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