[firefoxy]

My father was just diagnosed with colon cancer. Not sure which stage yet. He's going in for more tests soon.

I feel like I was doing pretty good these past few weeks with eating, but then of course things like this happen and all I want to do is eat unhealthy sweets. I know all the 'experts' say to find another form of emotional relief, but it's honestly just a lot easier to have a few cupcakes instead of dealing with the issue.

Does anyone have advice or experience with similar problems? How to curb emotional eating in an emotional crisis?

I feel selfish even thinking about my weight (so petty) right now.

[bargoo]

Emotional eating will not help your dad. Aim at being healthy, physically and emotionally so you can be there for your dad.

[alaskanlaughter]

oh wowww so very sorry about your dad....i dont have much advice for you, i havent conquered the emotional eating...i know when im worried or stressed i tend to clean instead of eat though....but regardless, lots of hugs and good thoughts for your family

[xxkaleidoscopic]

I'm so sorry to hear about your father. I hope he has a full recovery. All I can say is, it's not wrong at all to still care about yourself. Your father is sick, but that does not mean that you have to just abandon your own needs immediately, especially since they don't conflict with his.

Hang in there.

[darius]

Very sorry to hear about your father. I hope he responds well to treatment. I hope you'll be OK.

[paperdollme]

Sending good energy your way...that is terribly difficult. Try finding other ways to relieve your stress and anxiety and sadness...go for a long walk, talk to your dad, be there for him. I think when you look back at this time in your life you'd rather reflect and think, "yeah, I was really there when my dad needed me!" vs, "man, I wish I wouldn't have eaten my emotions..."

Prayers and hugs your way.

[seabiscuit]

How scary Firefoxy, all my support to you! Don't beat yourself up if you eat emotionally. What can you do to take care of yourself without the food?

[joyfulloser]

First... I lost my dad to colon cancer in 1997.

That said...when I first started my weight loss journey on September 6, 2010, my health was starting to fail (high cholesterol, blood pressure, etc.). I was doing soooo great with my new way of eating and then on October 22, 2010, my brother died unexpectedly. It was tragic. Absolutely earth shattering for me. It actually felt worse than when my dad died, because I knew he was dying for 18 months...my brother was only 10 yrs older than me and looked in GREAT SHAPE.

I totally understand what you mean about feeling bad to even be thinking about your weight. I felt exactly the same way. At first I felt like "nothing matters anyway...certainly not food, I could be dead tomorrow like my brother" and just plain "guilty" for even thinking about myself.

But then I decided to channel those "negative" thoughts into positive ones. I decided to become ULTRA focused on my health, realizing just how uncertain and short life can be. I decided to show more appreciation for this GIFT of life and realize that it is, in fact, a GIFT and not a GIVEN. So, I started to RUN. It was the best thing I ever did. Can't really describe to you how it helped me to cope with all those extreme feelings of sadness...but it did. It really did!

Death/sickness can make a person feel so helpless. To overcome that feeling of complete and utter helplessness...I focused on the fact that I can EFFECT my life, and very possibly how long I live....but most certainly I can effect the QUALITY of my life.

So...while every situation is difference, and we all have different methods of coping with stress...this method was both helpful (kept me busy and my mind focused on something other than grief), and positive for my health (my blood pressure, cholesterol, etc are all normal now). I look and feel great. Something good came out of something bad.

My hope is for you to cope with whatever comes your way with some kind of positive outcome for you and your loved ones. Take care.

[firefoxy]

Thank you for your support, everyone! It means a lot to me.

joyfulloser -- Thank you for the inspiring story. What a great way to create a positive outcome from a sad situation! I've never been much of a runner, but I should get back into yoga. Always made me feel great, but I just haven't been doing it much for a while now. That will have to change.

[saef]

I thought about your post for hours after reading it. Sometimes when I read a post like that, which really speaks to me, I have to go off & collect myself before coming back to reply.

I lost my father to stomach cancer in November 2008, just a few days before Thanksgiving.

On some days, though I'm pretty gabby when it comes to writing down my thoughts & feelings, it takes a lot of effort for me to talk about this.

Today is such a day, as I just came home from buying a sympathy card for a close friend whose mother has died.

So I'll refer to you to another post in which I talked about how I coped.

http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/3899462-post6.html

There is very little more disorienting than seeing a parent in danger or to feel that parent's mortality. The whole world shakes. I thought constantly: This is the person who protected me, who was my rock for years, an unshakeable constant presence. And now he's going to be gone.

[firefoxy]

saef -- Thank you for your reply. The post you linked was very powerful. I know it must have been hard to write your reply, so thank you again. It's hard dealing with that guilt over wanting to be healthy and have a better future, when someone you love might not be a part of that future. I know exercise has always helped me relieve stress in the past, so I will try and do as you did and up the exercise, no matter what.

[saef]

Got your PM, Firefoxy. Thanks, I hadn't looked at the thread since posting.

Please stay in touch here with us. The thing about cancer is that it's so common that it's touched so many peoples' lives. It is so pervasive, it's hard to find someone who hasn't watched someone go through it. (Particularly when you get a bit older.) More people have been through what you're dealing with than you know. That can be hard to believe, when the rest of the world seems to be going on about the most trivial stuff while your world has gone completely black & stopped turning temporarily (or so it seems). It feels like you're the only one with problems. But that is not so.

And also, you need to reach out to your friends. Your world may start getting very small, contracting inward, and focusing very much on your father. Sometimes it will help to look out from the bubble, just for a few minutes, and say something to a friend. They want to help. A lot of them won't know how. A lot of them will say things that sound really cliched. They're trying. Listen to the intention rather than to what they actually say.

If you search the site you'll find a lot of people have dealt with a family member having cancer or something just as (or even more) disastrous. Nobody has it all figured out, but a lot of them are still here or are restarting efforts that they began before the illness disrupted their lives.

[KeenJoy]

My dad died of brain and lung cancer last summer. I gained 50 pounds.

It was so hard to have ANOTHER member of the family pass away from cancer (my brother died of colon cancer at 36) and my Nana had JUST recently went into remission for breast cancer. I became overwhelmed and ate for comfort.

I am feeling better (still stressed!) but I have IDENTIFIED that I eat when I am depressed so I am actively trying to do other things instead. My father and brother would want me to be healthy and not end up like my 600 pound mother.

BTW My mom breeds Shiba Inu's so I grew up with a GAGGLE of puppies.

KJ