Anybody else experience this? My boyfriend sabotages me. He makes fun of me when I weigh and measure my food, in fact, he gets mad at me because I am dirtying up a measuring cup. So, he deliberately eats part of the food that I weighed or measured so that I don't know how much is in there. He also "force-feeds" me by giving me food off of his plate, then acting hurt when I don't want it. I have tried to tell him that one bite here and one bite there isn't good for weight loss, and, when I am counting calories, it is crucial to weigh and measure, but it falls on deaf ears. He feels that I am too obsessive, I guess, but I feel that I have to be a bit obsessive to make it work.
He also tells me that my problem is that I snack. He says that if I quit snacking I would lose the weight. I have tried to explain to him the value of snacking, because I tend to get low-blood sugar, but he thinks that my low-blood sugar is just an excuse to snack. My snacks consist of almonds or greek yogurt or an organic greens bar, but, in his eyes, I might as well be snacking on Cheetos.
Not sure if there is a way to change his thought process, but if anybody else has experienced this and were successful in making their mate see things more clearly, I would surely appreciate it.
I have this policy in life, I don't discuss things with people that I don't want their opinion on. What I choose to eat or not eat is one of those things that I don't want anyone's input on.
Wow. I'm really sorry that he's doing those things.
Doesn't he realize that HE'S part of the problem? Touching your food to mess with your measurements is definitely the worst of it, though. That's not cute at all. Not amusing, and definitely rude.
He can "think" that cutting out snacking will help all he wants. Fact is, that there's not a one-size-fits-all program. Maybe if he cut out snacks he'd lose weight, but you know what's working.
Edit to add: I agree with others are saying. You are certainly capable of telling him that this one area is none of his business, so his opinions on the matter aren't wanted whatsoever.
I don't know if anything will convince him that you're doing the right thing. But maybe you can convince him to butt out. Tell him that in order for you to do this at all, you have to do it your way. He can't make you do things his way. It just doesn't work.
Time to put your foot down. He is NOT to touch your food, or give you food off his plate. or make comments about what or how you eat. Tell him once and for all to stay out of your eating habits. This is important to you and what is important to you should be important to him.
Many options here (I'm obviously PMS-ing today, so bear with me):
* Ask him if he's worried you're eating too little, why is he taking what you are eating?
* Or just stab his hand with your fork when he tries to do it. That'll teach him.
* When he puts food on your plate, put it back on his.
* Do you do the dishes? Then what you dirty up is your business. Even if not, tell him you'll dirty up whatever measuring cups you want and will wash them when you're done.
* He gets hurt when you don't eat the food he forces on you? Serve him a hankie with his dinner and tell him to get over it.
* He comments on your snacking choices? Tell him to let you worry about what you eat.
It seems as though he's worried about you, and this is his annoying way of showing it. Do you really need to stab him with the fork? Probably not. DO you need to sit him down and have a serious, heart-to-heart talk with him over all this, since it's causing trouble in your relationship? I think so.
Tell him thank you for worrying about you, but that you have it entirely under control. Him trying to force-feed you isn't doing anything but causing tension. Tell him he can express his concerns verbally, and not with food, and the two of you can talk through them.
Location: Home of the Pirates, Steelers and Penguins
Posts: 12,395
S/C/G: 217/179/142
Height: 5'2
Quote:
Originally Posted by jillianfan
Anybody else experience this? My boyfriend sabotages me. Not sure if there is a way to change his thought process, but if anybody else has experienced this and were successful in making their mate see things more clearly, I would surely appreciate it.
Oh, I could write a book on satotage. Your boyfriend knows exactly what he's doing. And he's doing it because it works. My husband is the same way. If he wants to stop for ice cream and I say I don't want any, he won't stop, but he will say "I wanted ice cream but I'm not going to stop just for myself if you don't want any." He will make himself something to eat in the evening and try to get me to eat some. If I say No, he says "If I had known you weren't going to eat any I wouldn't have made so much." If he stops for a hamburger, he buys 2, then when he can't finish it he give it to me. The only thing I do is try very hard not to give in, because if I do, he will only do it more. Eventually, he will stop doing these things because it's not working. I know it's very hard not to give in, but it's the only way to make them stop, and every time you "win" you become stronger.
At first I thought your boyfriend was just being a jerk, but then I remembered that my husband did some of these things (maybe not to the same extent) when I first committed to losing weight. I was just very firm with him - I didn't accept food he offered/pushed on me and if he took some of my measured food I told him not to and replaced it so I was eating what I had planned. Over time the behavior stopped and he became very supportive and even interested in counting/weighing his own food. I think the change came in seeing how committed I was to my methods and that I was getting results. So I say just stick with it and don't let his behavior affect what you're eating. Keep explaining the rationale behind what you're doing.
* Ask him if he's worried you're eating too little, why is he taking what you are eating?
* Or just stab his hand with your fork when he tries to do it. That'll teach him.
* When he puts food on your plate, put it back on his.
* Do you do the dishes? Then what you dirty up is your business. Even if not, tell him you'll dirty up whatever measuring cups you want and will wash them when you're done.
* He gets hurt when you don't eat the food he forces on you? Serve him a hankie with his dinner and tell him to get over it.
* He comments on your snacking choices? Tell him to let you worry about what you eat.
Love this! PMS'ing or not!
But really, something seems to be going on with him. Is he an insecure man? Is he worried that you will lose weight and kick him to the curb? And you know what..... that IS a possibility. I say that because it's obvious he is not being the supportive and understanding boyfriend you need him to be. Why can't he embrace the fact that this journey is about your health and happiness?
I wish I had advice for you as to how to handle these types of situations. I have been lucky enough to not have to be in one. I would just flat out ask him, "Why is me losing weight and becoming healthier not something you can support?".
Some men like overweight women. We call them chubby chasers ... Other men are insecure and are afraid of attention you might get at a smaller size. Either one of these types of men will never change and you either need to except it or move on. Good luck.
But really, something seems to be going on with him. Is he an insecure man? Is he worried that you will lose weight and kick him to the curb? And you know what..... that IS a possibility. I say that because it's obvious he is not being the supportive and understanding boyfriend you need him to be. Why can't he embrace the fact that this journey is about your health and happiness?
I wish I had advice for you as to how to handle these types of situations. I have been lucky enough to not have to be in one. I would just flat out ask him, "Why is me losing weight and becoming healthier not something you can support?".
Good luck sweetie.
Funny you should say this, but he is insecure. He is drop-dead gorgeous and slim, yet he "jokes" that he thinks that I will leave him if I get to my old weight. Not sure why he is like this, but he is. So, that is probably part of it, if not most of it. Just wish that I had the skills to deal with it better.
Thanks to everybody for your comments, too. I know that I should let it all roll off my back, and I will certainly try that.
What you just said is key. He is probably not joking. He is worried if you lose weight that you will leave him. You need to discuss this with him and explain that your weight makes you unhappy and that you need his support. Assure him that you care about him and don't intend to leave as soon as you reach your goal.
Maybe try telling him "NO! - my PROBLEM is a boyfriend who doesn't have a CLUE how to be SUPPORTIVE of his girlfriend in her weight loss efforts!!!!"
I'm sure he has many other wonderful qualities.
But seriously... You could try explaining to him what YOU consider supportive. "Honey, you know what would really help me? If you wouldn't make fun of my efforts, and don't force food on me that I don't want, and don't take food away from my pre-measured foods. Could you do that... FOR ME?" then give him a little eye-flutter & a hip-swing & STRUT away! (I'm big on strutting! )
Oh, I could write a book on satotage. Your boyfriend knows exactly what he's doing. And he's doing it because it works. My husband is the same way. If he wants to stop for ice cream and I say I don't want any, he won't stop, but he will say "I wanted ice cream but I'm not going to stop just for myself if you don't want any." He will make himself something to eat in the evening and try to get me to eat some. If I say No, he says "If I had known you weren't going to eat any I wouldn't have made so much." If he stops for a hamburger, he buys 2, then when he can't finish it he give it to me. The only thing I do is try very hard not to give in, because if I do, he will only do it more. Eventually, he will stop doing these things because it's not working. I know it's very hard not to give in, but it's the only way to make them stop, and every time you "win" you become stronger.
Carol
Oh, my ---You mean my husband has a personality twin out there?! My husband does some of the same things. His big thing is always wanting to go out to eat. I told him yesterday that I think he has an addiction to it (if I could only find a term for that addiction, I would level it at him all the time). He has never had a weight problem. He eats exactly what he wants, when he wants and often wants me to join him. Actually, he's sweet in that he doesn't give two hoots about my weight. He loves me and is attracted to me regardless of my size. However, what he sometimes has failed to realize is that losing weight is important to ME. He's gotten better over the years, though.
To the OP, your boyfriend seems as if he's going out of his way to make losing weight as difficult as possible for you. At this point, I would have to get angry and have some harsh words for him. Even though my husband has practiced sabotage in the past, it's nothing to the extent that you described. I can't candy coat this: He's being a jerk, and you need to make him aware of it. Tell him that where your weight is concerned to BUTT OUT! Hopefully, he'll get the picture. Good luck!
Diet Sabotage?
PMS'ing or not! 
Other men are insecure and are afraid of attention you might get at a smaller size. Either one of these types of men will never change and you either need to except it or move on. Good luck.
