[Heleninedinburgh]

Hey, I'm just wondering if anyone can offer advice on how to feel good/positive about yourself, even with the extra weight, and how not to just feel like a blob? I think if I had more self-esteem my weightloss would be quicker, but as things are it's a viscious cycle! Thanks...

[Larry H]

Originally Posted by Heleninedinburgh

Hey, I'm just wondering if anyone can offer advice on how to feel good/positive about yourself, even with the extra weight, and how not to just feel like a blob? I think if I had more self-esteem my weightloss would be quicker, but as things are it's a viscious cycle! Thanks...

Self-esteem is all in our minds. We need to eliminate the negatative thinking and replace it with positive thinking. Google "Positive Affirmations" to see how this is done. Basicly we start acting and talking as we would with a positive self-esteem even if we do not feel that way. Over time our minds make what we say and do into our new reality.

Check out this article from The Mayo Health Clinic:

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/self-esteem/MH00129

It is titled "Self-esteem: Boost your self-image with these 5 steps"

Try it, you will like it!! What do you have to lose?

Larry,

[raebeaR]

Hi, Helen,

First, welcome to the forum!

I know what you're saying, and I, too, struggle with this. I decided that this time, since I have so much weight to lose and must accept that it will be a long slog, I needed to find ways to feel good about my appearance long before I reach my goal. Mostly I decided to focus on the things I could change with less effort. Here are some things I have done:

1) Lifted my hair color with a slightly new shade;

2) Ordered some new makeup to play with;

3) Began to learn how to sew, and have made several easy, inexpensive skirts one size smaller than I am now. I figure I accomplish 3 things with this new endeavor. First, I learn a new skill! Second, it keeps my hands and mind busy instead of noodling around in the kitchen, which is another hobby but one that yields less desirable results. And third, I provide some incentive to keep going with my weight loss efforts to get into those skirts I gave my blood, sweat and tears to make!

I've always been a fairly self-confident person, but I hate how I look right now, and these are things that are working for me. I hope the suggestions are helpful to you, too!

Best, Rae

[JessLess]

I am a total believer in accepting yourself at any size and making the most of what you have. For me that means wearing flattering and comfortable clothing and nice makeup, getting manicures and pedicures, and keeping my hair cut and colored in a way that's flattering.

I also take a lot of pictures of myself and look at them, even if I think I look too fat, to get myself used to seeing how I look and desensitize myself from stigma about my size.

I always feel better after a workout or massage, too.

I've got a lot of living to do, and I'm not waiting for a number on the scale to start!

[bronzeager]

Get a good, flattering haircut from a talented hairdresser, and maintain it -- no more than 2 months or so between cuts if it is a shorter cut. None of those $10 cheapo cuts. And possibly a brow wax. (I grew up in a low-maintenance household, and was not introduced to the value of well-groomed brows until a roommate took me in hand in college.)

Thinking about my students and acquaintances that have a good attitude about themselves no matter what their size .... Dressing nicely to go out of the house. This will involve supportive, properly fitting bras and a few quality, well-fitting outfits rather than things you are just settling for. Standing up straight, smiling at people, looking them in the eye.

Getting exercise, whatever appropriate to your ability. The people in my little neighborhood gym are a great bunch for demonstrating this. They range in age from 16 to probably in their 70s, all sizes from scrawny to large, uncoordinated beginner to semi-professional rugby player, and they're all doing something that's good for them in some way.

[MzJuicyD]

I use to be so depressed because of my weight. I dressed like a tom boy, never did my hair, refused to wear makeup, and didn't do anything girly. One day I decided to change all that. I started wearing make up everyday, getting my hair done, bought cute clothes that fit MY body shape, and started hanging around positive people. You have to find the beauty within yourself and bring it out. I LOVE my curves!

[Kasey87]

Along with these ideas, which are great, I think exercise can be especially helpful for good self esteem and positive body image.. if you have time to volunteer somewhere or help a friend or neighbor with something, small acts of kindness..

Don't focus solely on your physical appearance, try to be a better person every day, while still being assertive when needed and confident. This can help you feel like a more well-rounded person and can attract positive people into your life.

[shannonmb]

I totally agree that we need to start feeling good about ourselves no matter the size we happen to wear! However, that was really really hard for me. At 350 lbs, I was not feeling pretty - ever.

While I did and do believe that the better you feel about yourself, the more you will want to take good care of yourself, I found it worked fine the opposite way for myself. I felt pretty bad about myself, knew I didn't look good, didn't feel good, and most of all felt like "I've failed so many times before, this time is doomed to failure, too". But despite all the negative thoughts creeping around, I was determined to get on a plan and hold on tight. Nowadays I'm feeling pretty dang good about myself. I'm getting pretty wrinkly these days with the loss and the fact that I'm 40 now, but there are days I genuinely feel pretty. I have started wearing makeup regularly, which was a gradual progression as I started feeling better. Now there is almost never that nagging voice that "this time will be the same as all the others", and when it does whisper to me, I tell it to shut the heck up because there's no way I'm NOT doing it.

Don't let not being able to find that positive self worth stop you - just hold on tight to your plan and it will come!

[Beach Patrol]

Repeat the mantra: "My body image & my self image are two different things" over & over & over until you understand it in your mind, heart & soul. You are MORE than just a number on a scale. You are MORE than just a BMI. You are MORE than just a measurement on a tape, or a size on the pair of jeans you're wearing!!! You are a PERSON, real flesh & blood - with talents, friends, interests, a sense of humor, hobbies, a job or school or volunteer work - YOU MAKE A DIFFERENCE IN THE WORLD. Don't ever sell yourself short! OK?

[JohnP]

Overweight, underweight or perfect weight - it's easy to feel insecure in the world we live in. I'm not going to address the specific question because I think that confidence is attractive regardless of the weight of an individual.

So how can you become more confident? Set goals for yourself. Start small. They can be about weight loss, exercise, relationships, volunteerism, or anything you want. You start doing things you set out to do and guess what? You're going to feel better about yourself.

Finally - I wouldn't suggest going out and buying new clothes. This weight loss thing isn't that tough when you've at this web site. With the resources you'll find here and support of people who have been there and can relate? Any clothes you buy today won't be fitting very soon - this I can assure you.

[Nola Celeste]

With or without extra weight, feeling good about yourself is all a state of mind. There is no magical weight at which someone who doesn't like her appearance suddenly starts loving it; that feeling of acceptance and eventual love of self comes gradually and with work.

It's like fractal geometry. Every part of a fractal contains smaller versions of the same pattern within it. If you're dissatisfied with your body on a large scale, you can shrink your body down and you'll still be left with the same pattern of dissatisfaction, discomfort, or even dislike. Love yourself now, at any weight, and you'll be set for life.

Some of the things that make me feel good when I'm down:

- Looking at images of gorgeous big people
- Banishing "Vogue," "Cosmopolitan," and anything else full of Photoshop from my sight
- Treating myself well
- Doing something that plays up a feature I like (a new manicure, for example)
- Trying on the clothes that used to be tight on me, but now feel loose
- Doing some yoga
- Going for a walk

And remember that you're going to feel a lot better about yourself DURING your weight loss, too, not just once you're finished losing all that you want to lose. Even at my biggest weight, I felt sexy; twenty pounds in, I really felt awesome, and now that I'm forty pounds down, I am freakin' gorgeous. I won't be able to stand myself at 150 if I feel this great at 190ish.

[gardenerjoy]

Give yourself credit for what you are doing right now, for posting here, for reading posts, for every little thing that you do to support your weight loss journey. This stuff is hard! So make sure that you are giving yourself every bit of credit that you deserve for making the effort day by day and moment by moment. Giving yourself credit for doing these things will raise your self esteem and provide positive reinforcement for continuing. Go you!

[dragonwoman64]

lots of great advice here. one other thought I'd like to offer, in terms of our every day experience, we can spend the time picking at our faults and limitations (and yep, I'm guilty of this too!) or we can spend the time appreciating our good aspects -- and believe me, it's much easier to be motivated to do and enjoy more in life once we select option 2.

[Heleninedinburgh]

Thankyou everyone. You've made me feel a lot better. I walked back from work today....only two miles, but you know, it's something. I think positive thinking will definitely help me lose weight as opposed to punishing myself by keeping myself fat (something which I am sure I do on a subconscious level.) Thankyou!

[krampus]

Helen, Edinburgh is the first foreign city I ever visited. It's a beautiful city and you're lucky to be there!

It is really easy to get sucked into the "when I lose weight I'll do X or feel X" mind trap, but time is ticking and life is too short and precious to put off until you reach some number pulled out of a hat.

I think it's important to have non-weight/appearance related goals to work toward. What are some things you've always wanted to learn how to do? Did you play an instrument or do a hobby when you were younger that you miss doing? Is there somewhere you'd like to travel to? Working on these sorts of goals is a way to make you feel like you are doing something productive, and since the focus is not on looks you will hopefully not be thinking about weight all the time.