I'm in the midst of a health . . . issue? concern? scare? . . . whatever it is, I thought I was managing my feelings over it. But today I got some inconclusive test results back from the doctor, which means I need to go see another doctor next week. In the meantime, I don't feel like I can trust my own body. I alternate telling myself that this is normal, and I'm going to be fine, with feeling really scared and anxious.
After getting the phone call today, I came home and (over the course of a couple of hours) ate over 2000 calories. By any definition, a binge. I haven't binged like that in over a couple of years. YEARS.
And I kind of don't care. I mean, part of me does, because I feel like a failure and a weight loss imposter and like an overconfident fool for thinking that all my techniques and tools meant that binging was in my past forever. And I feel sick to my stomach, but also like I could keep on eating forever. Is this what it always felt like?
But the apathy about this binge also scares me. I can't go down that road again, and I have this paranoid feeling I'm going to wake up tomorrow back at 200 pounds.
Ugh. I'm sorry for the whine and moan, but I really needed to get this out. I think what I really need is a good cry, but I can't get any tears to come right now.
I am going to say - good for you. You recognized your behaviour, and that is step 1. We are never going to be perfect at every moment of our lives. You had an emotion, and it triggered a binge. Write it down. You may feel apathetic about the binge, but don't let your emotions rule your life. Leave the heart out of it, and let your logical mind rule your behaviours. Don't throw away years of "sobriety" because you slipped once. Stop the slip before it becomes a slide. AND, know that you CAN do it. Haven't you done it successfully all the way until know?
Be kind to yourself, but be firm in your resolve. It is not the end of your journey, just a difficult step in it.
I went through a health scare a few years ago and I definitely put on some weight during that time (it didn't help my exercise was restricted but no body told me to eat all that chocolate! ). Do you have family around who can be there to support you during this time? I know when something major like this happens I start getting extremely anxious and have to do SOMETHING (normally my first thought is fridge ).
It's great that you are recognizing this. My thought would be DON'T stay home if you can (at least for me I'm much more prone to eating junk at home), get out of your house and do something to distract yourself. If you have the time/money, go buy yourself a cute outfit or a book you've been dying to read. Just something! Good luck and I hope this blows over quickly!!!
Huge hugs! You recognized the behavior which is one big step as others have said. Don't think less of yourself, everyone is entitled to make a mistake once in a while. And look at everything you've accomplished!
Go get a massage - it is a comfort thing, it is healing to have hands on you, even if you don't "know" the hands, it will get you out of the house and away from the temptation.
If you are still struggling, see if your doctor could prescribe you something in the short term to help lessen the anxiety.
And in the meantime, big hugs from South Texas. You got a huge extended online family who knows what you are going through and will support you all the way.
Not to worry, one bad decision of 2000 cal binge won't negate the good decision of taking off the 294,000 cals you've already ditched. Seriously, it's a fraction of 1 percent of what you've already lost. Don't beat yourself up over it. Sounds like you have enough going on already.
I agree with the others. What can you do to comfort yourself in a positive way?
You are not a failure girl- you are amazing and whatever this is you'll get through it! So you binged- it's OKAY just move forward and Keep positive thoughts!
Think of it in terms of how long you went without binging. There will be setbacks, sometimes scary ones, but you beat the binge monster and you will beat it again. In the meanwhile, here's a big e-hug <e-hug> and hopes that your health scare turns out to be not-so-bad.
I really just want a hug
). Do you have family around who can be there to support you during this time? I know when something major like this happens I start getting extremely anxious and have to do SOMETHING (normally my first thought is fridge 
). 
