I'm falling apart and losing this battle. I don't even know what I weigh. Actually, I'm going to go check right now. Oh my gosh, it's 187 lbs. I'm putting back all the weight that I had lost. Not that long ago, I weighed in at 164. Then, I started to have many life problems that are beyond my control (I have a son with special needs who has severe problems). I started eating to numb the pain. I also suffer from chronic daily migraines. No medication or alternative therapy has done anything at all (I have had an abnormal MRI that shows the migraine on it actually). When I start eating well, and I have pain or I haven't slept well or my son is doing worse, I start to binge. It used to be just at night that I'd binge, but now, I'm overeating all day long. The times when I binge are when I'm trying to do it in secret. I buy off limits foods and hide them so I can binge in secret.
When my husband is out of town, I eat mass quantities of food all day long. It actually makes my migraines worse. It is causing me to have much worse depression and anxiety issues.
I feel my goal slipping away from me. I'm feeling completely out of control. Every day, I have good intentions but ever day, I fail miserably. I'm ashamed and disgusted. I woke up very early for no reason and I feel like vomiting from all the junk I consumed last night.
I have sought therapy for this before but nothing has helped. I feel lost in my addiction to food. I know I need to get back on track. I can either face this head-on now or 20 lbs. from now....or 100 lbs. from now. I see no end to how much weight I can gain if I continue this horrible cycle. But most of the time, I don't even care.....or I do care, but I care more about getting the food. All I can think about is what I"m going to eat next.
The migraine pain always sends me over the edge. I have to take care of my kids and it's really hard through constant daily never ending pain.
I know that nobody here can help me with the pain or the depression I feel right now. I just wanted to reach out because nobody really understands what I'm going through. I have been watching a new show on OWN called Addicted to Food and I would say that I really relate to some of the women on that show. I feel like I need that type of help....a treatment center. But there is no way I could leave my kids since my special son needs me all the time. I also cannot afford to spend the money. So I feel like I'm stuck and can't get out.
Sorry this is so long. Thanks for reading.
Last edited by luckymommy; 04-13-2011 at 09:36 AM.
I'm hopeful that there IS someone out there that can understand what you are going through. Your post is so humbling to me because my reasons for binging are just so insignificant in comparison. I'm embarressed just to admit my reasons for binging. Heck, if I wanted sunshine but got rain I binged. It took me 3 months (Oct - Dec) to handle stress differently. What better time than the holiday's, right? For me, it was buying an elliptical for my house and using it everytime I had the urge to binge. With the amount of money I saved on binge foods the elliptical pretty much paid for itself.
Do you have room for a treadmill or elliptical? Are there any local OA meetings in your area? Sometimes they have volunteers who will watch your children on-site while you attend. And best of all, it's free.
Just wanted to let you know I read this.. and we are all here for you. Migraines are awful from what I hear. You sound like such a strong mommy though, taking care of your kids when your in such awful pain. I hope that you can find the help or answers that you are searching for. And in the meantime just know that we are all here to listen. *hugs*
I have no words; my heart goes out to you and how selfless and strong you are being for your son and family. I hope you can find support from someone local who may understand your struggles; just knowing that you're not the only one can be incredibly comforting.
This is a little bit of tough love, but step one is to stop saying "I can't." Because, then you really won't. Maybe "I struggle with" instead?
And, anyway, you're not falling apart! You're here. You're struggling, but not falling apart. If you were falling apart you wouldn't even realize the struggle. So, today is a good day because you made a step in the right direction.
As far as the migraines... I don't know. It could be SO many things. Exercise would probably help, but you can't exercise if you're having a migraine. When you're headache free, though, maybe start there? Drinking more water would probably help. Maybe it's stress induced migraines? There are free meditation aides online you can download. It coaches you on breathing exercises and clearing your mind. Maybe do that when your son is asleep. It could help your stress.
Finally, what about journaling? You start out by writing all the things that are going wrong, but by the end you find yourself coming up with solutions and pep talking yourself. And... that's free!
Regardless - You CAN! Step 1, believe in yourself!
First of all, I'm sending you a huge hug! You have a lot going on right now. But you need to stop your eating. It will not help your son or your emotional help. I'm very stressed right now and I ate a piece of cake yesterday. It didn't help my stress. Find other things to do instead of eating. For me, it's taking a long shower and pampering my body: nice lotion, doing my nails, etc. But you NEED to stop emotional eating, it makes your life miserable. I don't want to sound harsh but people telling me the facts straight up helped me get my act together. I get migraines, too, but it's been better since I went on Topamax. It decreases my appetite (win) and stops my migraines (double win). See your doctor about that? Yoga also helps me. Also, going to free OA meetings might be helpful. I really hope I helped. My thoughts are with you!
Hi - all my love to you. Good job on coming here for support.
I also suffer migraines. I used to take topomax - I found it did help take the edge off. My doctor also sent me for allergy/ food sensitivity tests. Maybe that's something you can look into? I know sometimes gluten / wheat or MSG can trigger migraines.
Have you ever been to a TOPS meeting? They say a little creed at each meeting and one of the lines is:
"even though I overeat in private, my excess poundage is there for all the world to see, what a fool I've been" It helps me to keep it in mind when I want to eat where no one sees or judges me. They may not see or judge my actions, but they will see the results. Some of the tops members even post the creed on their fridge/cupboard - wherever their hiding spot is. If you don't feel like you can eat it out in the open then you are probably going to feel guilty about eating it at all.
Keep trudging along with us. We all feel like we've failed at points, but you can't fail if you never give up!
Thanks so much for all of your thoughts, advice and support. I'm still trying to figure things out. I have tried Topomax and it just made me very depressed and the pain stayed exactly the same. Oh well. I've tried eliminating foods and that didn't help either....although I know eating highly processed foods does make me worse. Sorry to be such a bore! I just wanted to drop by and thank my fellow chicks.
I understand how hard it is having a special needs child, and I believe that was one of the many many reasons I ended up morbidly obese (not her fault but due to the stress and emotional rollarcoaster),
I don't often have migraines but I do know how deliberating they are when I do and though I cannot offer you the answers I can let you know you can get through this. For me it took learning to put myself back in the equation, my life for years was all about my children and my disabled daughter, It was as if I was just a robot, her to look after her and make her life as less comlicated as I could make it. I used to be suicidal, and very depressed as I saw myself as NOT having a life, and looked at a future with no hope. I had no dreams, no plans, no nothing, it was just me and my daughter and getting through each day.
Take some of that back, you children will love you no less, but you do have a right to be YOU and have dreams and have your own life! and happiness! find some time and write down goals, your future, any little thing you think you may want, desire, or do. And then see what you can start doing to move towards those, even if its one tiny step at a time.
Have you tried to find out what may be causing the migraines? food? diet? light? getting your eyes checked? scans? ruling out any possible causes?
If they are stress based migraines you need to see how you can reduce that, maybe by seeking help, joining a support group, or finding something you love (hobby) that you can do for yourself.
Hi -- i, too, wanted to let you know you have been "heard" and that we are all here for you for support. An OA meeting is a great suggestion -- sharing and talking really does help, but it might not be the only answer. you WILL have this under control in due time with different approaches, trial and errors, etc. sometimes you'll fall, but you WILL pick yourself right back up. no hurry...slow and steady wins the race. try to learn what you can from that show, which i have been watching and think it is a good eye-opener. perhaps you can implement some of their tactics.
as for the migraines...not sure if you have tried acupuncture. my mother used to suffer from debilitating migraines where she could not get out of bed days on end. she was unable to move, and was extremely sensitive to light and sound. she started weekly acupuncture treatmens which went on for about a year...migraines lessened in frequency and intensity. this was 20 years ago -- she has NEVER had a migraine since. if you have insurance, perhaps it is worth looking into. i am sure your family doctor (or any other doctor) would gladly make the case for you so that it is covered.
wishing you much strength and patience.
In desperate need to help/support
