[Linsy]

I'm staying at a friend's house for two weeks, and he lives with his parents (I'm 19, he's 22). During the week when his parents are at work and I'm the only one here I feel comfortable but on the weekends when his mom is home I do NOT want to leave his room. It's 1PM and I want to shower, but I can hear his mom busy around the house and for some weird reason I'm almost afraid to go upstairs to take a shower. Logically I know this is stupid because she can't expect me to stay at their house for 2 weeks and not shower and there's nothing embarrassing about showering, but I feel kinda like I'm getting in the way or being a nuisance or something. It's so weird!

I really need to suck it up and go shower before my friend gets home from work, LOL.

Is this normal or am I being dramatic?

[wibblewobble]

Hey! I wouldn't say it's "normal" lol...but totally understandable and something I do too. I rent a room in a house. The owner is really nice and he works the night shift. I work in the mornings. So I don't really see him unless its a weekend. Well needless to say I end up either locked in my room all day/night (and feeling like a creeper)-esp if he has friends over or running out the door and wandering around just so I'm not there. I'll even avoid going to the bathroom for as long as possible...just because I feel awkward. I don't know why ...and I'm paying to live here. So I definitely feel you. Hope you got your shower!

[tiffany0809]

I can relate. I've been in similar situations. But honestly, the best thing to do is make an appearance. It won't be as bad as you think! I've had people mistake my shyness for being a b**** and I hate being so misunderstood like that.

[Linsy]

Yeah, his mom is actually incredibly nice. She invited me yesterday to come up and be around the house, I think she wants to get to know me better. I had a conversation with her last night and she invites me to watch movies and stuff. I still can't help but feel awkward though lol. I did take a shower actually and it was a very pain-free experience.

I think my shyness has been mistaken for b****yness as well. I didn't have many friends throughout school because I'd make awkward conversation to get things over with and people would probably be like "uhh...okay." and think I was being rude haha.

[junebug41]

You know, some people just aren't cut out for small talk. And with people you don't know very well it can be difficult to navigate that because all you really have at that point is small talk.

I have a coworker who is very, very shy. It was only recently when I was able to be around him enough to realize that he wasn't stuck-up or didn't like me, he was just really shy! In reality, he's a really nice person who I can even picture being friends with.

You seem like a lovely person and I'm sure his mom sees that and just wants to get to know you better

[pinkflower]

Linsy- I totally know what you're going through. Although as an adult, it's way better, I used to be painfully shy, like I remember in like 5th grade being so shy, I couldn't even tell someone my friend was introducing me to my name lol. But my close friends and family, I never was shy, I always was able to function when it mattered...

I'm glad you were able to get your shower! I have found that the more I face situations and people that make me uncomfortable, the less painful and difficult it is. I mean especially for my graduate program, I had to do so many speeches & presentations in front of large groups. The first few times I got up there, I got so nervous, I almost hyperventilated and my face got red, I almost threw up etc etc. But the more I did it, the better it got and by the end of the program, although I still got butterflies, it wasn't a huge tragic event.

So my whole point of telling you this is that it doesn't have to always be like this. The more you face your fears, the less horrible they'll be. I just have to remind myself even in the face of anxiety of a new situation, to relax my body, take my time, and just be in the moment. I turn off all negative thoughts, what I have to do, what I'm worried about and just focus on this one conversation. Works like a charm, and I know that no one would ever guess I'm shy or naturally awkward in new social situations. In fact, I even go out of my way now to practice my skills and strike up conversations with strangers and workers in places etc. It's still not comfortable, but it reminds me that it's not so bad, and I can't tell you what a relief it is to realize that I do have some control over the anxiety by just facing it and not giving it the power to stop me from doing things I need to do. But I still struggle a little

Maybe you can check out a book on cognitive behavioral therapy from the library. It will do wonders once you realize the thoughts you constantly tell yourself subconsciously affect you and what you're feeling