I am going to try really hard not to rant and keep this as brief as possible!
I am almost 28, mother of a toddler, married to a great man, and a work at home mom. I have worked from home for almost 2 years and live in my husband's home town that I had never been to before I met him. We moved to his parents house to have less bills while we got our new bussiness started. I was pregnant at the time and had a lot of complications and ended up on bed-rest and not really able to work, so our business dreams burned before they were off the ground. So we started working for another company as a contractor and all was great.
Let me stress that I LOVE my husband and he is great and I am happy in all aspects except what I am about to explain. So, this new contracting job was fine, he and I can work all the while keeping our 19 month old at home. Money was okay, but not great, so when his old friend comes up with a business idea, my husband is super excited. At this point, money is barely coming in from our self-employment and my days are busier with the increased activities of a toddler, so I can't work as much. I had been dropping hints about a "regular" job, but they have been brushed off. So, with no money in the bank, we get loans on the cars to pay off bills and with income tax we were to going to leave that money in the bank to cover other expenses.
So this business idea "friend" has a good idea, problem is... he has NO MONEY and can't even keep his utilities on! What's better, his wife is about to leave him and he is always having to care for his 7 month old because of his wife's post pardem depression. So...my husband wants to go into business with someone who doesn't have the time or money and only 1 vehicle in a family of 4 drivers.
I expressed my feelings and the cons over and over. I don't even like this guy personally! We all used to work at the same company and he would fudge people's SSN to get them approved for credit! Also, his credit and debts are soooo bad, they can't even get a bank account for the business using this guys info!
So, my husband signs a partnership agreement and sinks 2000 dollars of OUR money into this business! He bought the inventory, the business cards, the toll free number and other things. Atleast this other guy works on the website, but my husband has to edit and redo EVERYTHING the guys does because of all the typos!
I am sooo furious! I am trying to be supportive but they haven't made any progress and have left our bank account empty! Whats worse is I have no one to talk to! We live with his parents...and they drive me up the wall (but I love them and am so grateful to have them help us out)! Also, working from home doesn't allow for making new friends! So, I am lonely, stressed, and mad as heck!
My husband and I were supposed to have OUR own thing and now he has spent all of our money with a partner I don't trust and it seems they are sitting on their thumbs and not even doing anything! I try to help out and make suggestions (I had a business in San Fransisco) but, the "partner" insists business with spouses is horrible and nothing good can come from it! When in reality I think he knows I don't trust him and see through him, unlike my husband who is so trusting of everyone.
I know I just wrote waaaay too much, but any words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated. I am left feeling like a lowly housewife who doesn't need to meddle in the business of her husband and I am terrified we just lost 2000 dollars for no good reason at all. Thanks all!
Hmm, isn't fudging SSNs a federal crime? Ask your DH if he wants to be involved with someone who may end up in federal court. Total dealbreaker!
You need to get your husband alone, out of the house, away from the toddler, go to a Starbucks or something and hash out exactly what you wrote here. Good luck!
People are less responsive if you come at them as though you are attacking them or you are making them seem like the villian. The situation definintely needs to be approached immediately. If all the negative aspects are presented to him in the way you've written them him, then, logically speaking, it should be clear to him too. Make it like an equation....if the input isn't going to make a profitable output, then why even risk following through what we all know isn't going to end well.
We have had this conversation so many times! I want so badly to be supportive and not be the person(like his family) to hold him back and tell him to get a ""real" job! I was a business owner and I know the business he is currently in could do well, but they have already signed an agreement and there isn't anything I can do as of now. I just hate how we (my husband) technically own it but the has a binding non-disclosure with this partner. Honestly, I am about to be a real big pain in his booty! If they don't get there act together I am going to have to get involved. You see, they are the ONLY distributor of a product for Texas, which is huge....but, if they don't start moving inventory the company will start giving Texas territory to other people. It just burns my biscuit that the other guy thinks I shouldn't be involved. GRRRR! I am so laid back and easy going and love to give my husband space to do what he wants, but he is hurting the whole family with this crap and it's making me really stressed! I just got back on the diet bandwagon and being stressed doesn't help that at all! It's all I can do to keep myself from going to Wendy's and raiding the Reese's eggs in the Easter Aisle at Wal-Mart! I do feel better laying out here! About the only other people I talk to is his family, and they are already not supportive of his entrepreneurial spirit. I guess the big question is: How do you support your loved one's dreams if you don't believe in them?
I really appreciate you guys listening to my sob story! I think I am just feeling hormonal and needing an outlet that won't argue back! Thanks again!
You know this isnt the first time i have heard this before.. I had an old friend who was married to a man who could never hold down a job. He went on paternal leave to "help" his wife take care of the baby, but actually did nothing..then he had to go out and find a job..and decided "hey i will start my own business up"..He starts its up..but never carries it through, he has the vision but cant fullfill it. He burns out on a frequent basis and his time with his family is spent fighting over lack of finances and about 20,000$ worth of debt that he is in from previous visa expenses that they had due to having a kid while on a fixed income. They ended up finding out they were having another kid..He goes to look for a job..gets a job and quits the job..and on and on the cycle of getting jobs and quitting jobs happen..then she has the baby and he goes back onto paternal leave for another year, raising two kids on one income that comes from the government... This man was told that he needed to get his act together and get a job and keep a job to support his family, and he did nothing..Absoloutly nothing..He never listened..and now he has his family in debt, and a wife who is unhappy because they cant afford anything for anyone..and he still sits on his butt doing nothing..
Guys can be so dense at times..I dont know why they are so stubborn and want to do as they please instead of listening to sound counsel. Guys want to fufill vision and want to be the hero in the stories..but being a hero requires wisdom and knowledge...
I cant really say how to handle it , since i, myself am not in a relationship like that..although, my friend gave her husband an ultimatum and said "get it together, or we are going to leave"..because she knew that he needed to know that she was serious, that he needs to man up and provide for the family". I dont know if this is how your supposed to handle it..but..i hope it works out..and i belive that it will..for the best..one way or another..
So, my husband signs a partnership agreement and sinks 2000 dollars of OUR money into this business! I am sooo furious! I am trying to be supportive but they haven't made any progress and have left our bank account empty!
I don't know what to say. To me that's a deal breaker. I'm just in shock that he made such a life altering decision WITHOUT you on board with the plan.
I'd print the post and show it to him and try to have a talk.
And if he's not hearing you... you may have to rethink this whole thing out. You say you love him. But how long can you keep on loving someone who does this kind of stuff?
Quote:
I am so laid back and easy going and love to give my husband space to do what he wants, but he is hurting the whole family with this crap and it's making me really stressed! About the only other people I talk to is his family, and they are already not supportive of his entrepreneurial spirit. I guess the big question is: How do you support your loved one's dreams if you don't believe in them?
Exactly. You can support the entrepreneurial spirit... but it has to be sensible too! You can have the legal stuff straight and a business plan, and not exclude your spouse's input. You don't have to hurt the whole family while doing it either.
[QUOTE=yomamathehun;3742191] You see, they are the ONLY distributor of a product for Texas, which is huge....but, if they don't start moving inventory the company will start giving Texas territory to other people. QUOTE]
There you have it.
Contact the company and ask them if you can also be a distributor when their current one fails to deliver.
Then start your own company. Leave your husband out of it, like he left you out of his.
What is good for the Goose is good for the Gander.
Your husband is mooching off his parents....and he will mooch off you too.
As long as momma and daddy supply him with room and board, and you throw in a few bucks too, he will forever be a mooch and a failure.
He captured YOUR $2000 and blew it on a failed venture. He and his partner are actually 2 peas out of the same pod...taking advantage of people.
A friend of mine went through what you are going through. She loved her husband dearly too. Only he moved his momma mooch into her home too. Then he quit his job at 35. She had a good job and now had 2 mooches and 2 nice kids to support on her paycheck. He got abusive.
She divorced him, and he and momma mooch ended up living in a cheap motel on mommas social security.
They asked my friend for support! The judge laughed.
He would not pay child support. Mooches don't. His wages were garnisheed.
Don't ever lend him money. He will declare bankruptcy and you won't get back a dime.
Keep him out of your future business. He is keeping you out of his.
Don't ever lend him any money if you get fed up and get divorced.
I may have omitted some information, based on replies! My husband has ALWAYS had a job and made good money! This is the first big Business idea and the first one I don't entirely approve of! I agree with the business...just not the partner! I feel that by partnering with this person that he may be dooming the business, and he didn't heed my concerns, but defending his partner. We had a business together that didn't get along well because he worked full time and I was on strict bedrest while I was pregnant! Trust me, if this was an all the time thing, I would never have had a baby with him! Before they signed the non-disclosure and partnership agreement, I wanted him to jsut do it by himself and not include his partner... but he is a man of his word and he swears its not what I think, and that the business will do good.
I still don't like the partner but the inventory has been paid for... so, I guess I will do what I can to help. He knows that he has a limited amount of time to make this work or he has to move on to his back up plan (one is already in place).
I feel so bad to place my husband in a bad light! I really was just wanting reassurance I wasn't blowing things out of proportion! I guess in my bad mood I didn't give enough positive. Fingers crossed this works out well, and it should if they manage it properly! Over all I am just glad I didn't facebook this!
I think you need to remind your husband that marriage is a partnership and both parties need to be in on making financial decisions. Also remind him that even though you are a sahm you have the qualifications and experience to be a business partner.
Need some perspective (and to vent)!
