[j0lamo01]

I broke up with my ex a year and a half ago because I didn't feel he was right for me. I wasn't very physically attracted to him. But he treated me so good! Now I have been out on a lot of bad dates and I realize I should not have broken up with him.
I just started talking to a new guy. At first I was excited but he doesn't treat me half as good as my ex does he hasnt even asked me on a date yet. he is already talking about dating me but doesn't put any effort in to try to do something nice for me, impress me or anything. Im so sick of being disapointed. I give every guy a chance. But Im so upset right now.

[Chantelle]

If you broke up with your ex, there was probably a reason at the time. Mind you, maybe you guys just weren't right for each other THEN, but things could always change in the future. My hubby and I were together for 2 years, got engaged (we were young, I was 19 and he was 21), and then I got cold feet and broke it off and broke up with him. We were apart for 4 years and didn't even talk very much, if at all, but to keep a long, LONG story short, things worked out, and we're beyond happy now. BUT, we both agree it wouldn't have turned out as well if we'd gotten married the first time we were engaged, just because we had a lot of individual growing up and growing into ourselves to do. And yes, I missed him more and more each time I started talking to a new guy who would inevitably fall WAY short of my hopes and expectations.

Take the time apart to learn about yourself and what you want and what you hope to get from a guy - but also try not to let the standards your ex set overshadow what could very well turn into a lovely new relationship. On the flip side - don't settle just because you want to be with someone! There are a lot of fish in the sea and you may just have to go through a good number before finding the one who is right for you. But don't be in a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship - that is very possibly the loneliest feeling you can have if you feel like you're being shorted by the person you're dating. You're a beautiful girl, you deserve to get something and someone wonderful

[jules1216]

There are stories like the one Chantelle said of getting back together and then the stories of getting back again and realizing it wasnt going to work out...I was devastated when I broke up with a first love....we went out a few years later and every annoying habit that got on my nerves came back and hit me full in the face...I was glad I did it though cause it made me stop comparing all my other dates to my "high up on a pedestal" memory of him. We are both married to other people and are friends. I actually love his wife!!

I on the other hand have been with my husband almost 25 years...there are days when I think I cant stand him another minute, and then there are the times I know I cant live without him and just deal with the bad. He still makes my toes curl when he gives me his little smile. I know I am not perfect and there are just as many things that drive him crazy about me. I guess what I am trying to say is there are few "perfect" relationships. If a poster reading this has one than more power to you. Relationships take work each of us continue to evolve and the other has to try and catch up and during that catch up phase things are not always the best.

My advice to you is the same as Chantelle's dont settle. My daughter married at 18 and was divorced by 19 and she has settled with some losers cause she says she will never have that feeling of he's the one again. I will tell you like I told her...think long and hard about what you want and what you need...and find someone that makes you want to be with them the rest of your life...

ps: after 25 years hubby and I look nothing like we did when we were first together..looks change and fade...

[MiZTaCCen]

I’m going to be really honest here and not sugar coat it.

First off you broke it off with your ex for a reason, and at the time of course you wouldn’t realize how amazing he treated you, until now you’re experiences all these douchebags. Now you’re mentioning about this one guy and have the nerve to honestly compare him to your ex…I don’t think that’s fair and no one should be comparing anyone to anyone else, because no one is ever really the same. Also maybe he’s sick of doing things for girls that treat him like **** and NEVER appreciate anything he’s done for them, so he wants to make sure you’re even worth the effort? As well if you’re giving every guy a chance…maybe you need to start taking a step back and think LONG and HARD about what you really want in a man. If this guy isn’t doing it for you, F him and move on there’s so many other guys out there. You don’t seem happy already so why are you even bothering?

I would really think long and hard if it’s your ex that your really missing or is it the sweet things he used to do for you. I’m not going to lie I sometimes miss my ex, but my ex was an illusion, it’s not him I miss at all it some of the stuff and the connection that we had sometimes is what I miss. (like this one time I was watching how to lose a guy in 10 days and I was joking about how Andy was yelling saying you killed our love fern…well the next day he had bought me this simple flower pot thing with flowers in and call it our love fern. I think that’s about the only nice thing he did for me. Haha)

The other girls could be right sometimes you need to grow apart to find yourself before you realize that maybe the guy you walked away from was the one for you, but also unless you still talk to him and know what he’s up to in life he may have moved on from you and in that case I think you need to let go and finally move on from him, because I don't think you have if you're comparing other men to him.

Good luck dating sucks serious balls...

[j0lamo01]

Aw thank you guys for your help! It made me feel SO much better reading your replies, even though I know we will never ever get back together you are right there was a reason I broke up with him and I have to keep reminding myself of that.