Do you think a lot of people get divorced after one or both of them lose weight? I was just wondering, because I think I can see where it could be pretty common. I think couples get comfortable in their pudginess together and I could totally see divorces happening, especially if one of them loses weight and the other does not. Thoughts? And how can couple stop this from happening to them.
I've seen that happen, and I don't think it's the weightloss that causes the divorce. I think people know the divorce is coming and lose weight. Perhaps the issues in the marriage are what is causing the weight gain and they leave the marriage emotionally and are able to lose the weight. Or they are anticipating re entering the dating scene. Or as one of them gets ready to leave the marriage they start putting their own needs first and that enables them to leave the marriage.
I think communication is key. Sometimes there is jealousy involved. Sometimes lives become incredibly divergent. If you are now interested in hiking, biking, running and your spouse is interested in watching tv, that can sometimes cause friction. One thing to realize is that you don't have share everything.
Well, my wife and I both lost weight together, and it only made us closer. So it definitely doesn't HAVE to happen.
I think that most divorces happen because of a communication breakdown...people stop talking to one another about their concerns, their needs, the things that are frustrating, or stop responding to the concerns/needs of a partner. Weight loss may expose those issues, but I don't think it creates them.
Relationships take work, they are not always sunshine, lollipops and rainbows. I think that now a days there is this attitude that allows people to believe that its better to break-up than to communicate and work on it together. Its sad but I think its reality now.
Relationships take work, they are not always sunshine, lollipops and rainbows. I think that now a days there is this attitude that allows people to believe that its better to break-up than to communicate and work on it together. Its sad but I think its reality now.
Yep!
Let's face it, even though it is a long process, divorce is the easy way out a lot of the times, staying and working through the rough times is what is hard.
With that said, I think sometimes when one loses weight they enjoy the attention from others and with time your marriage can seem mundane. You might be bored with the same person and a new relationship can seem so exciting. But you have to remember, you had those feelings for your spouse at one point too. Every relationship is exciting at first, then falls into that comfortable place. The best thing to do is put 10 times more effort into making your own marriage more exciting and hold onto your commitment than you might put into the temptations of new people.
If divorce is an option in your mind, I think it is more likely to happen. If you take your vows and commitment seriously, for the rest of your life, I think at least on your side, you will be okay. You can never control another person, but you can put your whole heart and soul into your marriage.
One of my girlfriends went from size 14/16 to 0 before her divorce. She said her marriage was bad, and she felt that she was ugly and fat.... She said she felt that only thing she had some control over was her weight, and how she looked. She said more weight she lost, more empowered she felt, and ultimately she left her husband, carved a career for herself and took care of her children. -- Now she has settled being size 6; she said she took her weight loss too far.
I know of a couple where the wife knew the marriage wasn't very good so she went through gastric-bypass to lose the weight. She thought that would fix her marriage. It didn't. He asked for a divorce.
I agree with whoever said that the weight loss process might expose existing problems in the marriage that maybe were hidden.
I think a lot of overweight people are afraid to leave a bad marriage because they feel like they might not ever get someone else (especially if they were not overweight when the relationship started). If that overweight person loses weight, it can give them the confidence to do what they wanted to do long ago but didn't out of fear.
I think if you have a good marriage when you're overweight, you should still have a good marriage when you lose the weight. The dynamics may change a little, but lots of things cause the dynamics to change in marriage and what makes a good marriage is the ability to adjust to those changes.
Unfortunately there are a lot of unhappy marriages out there. You know going through weight loss makes you look at lots of painful things, taking control of your life, and feeling your emotions instead of eating them, etc. There are many things you may move to the back burner, working on your relationship may not seem important at the moment. Gaining control of your life may lead one to letting go of a hurtful relationship, or giving one the feeling that it can be done. There have been times in my past I've definitely held on too long, and used the excuse "he's seen me naked and still wants to be with me" so why not overlook all the bad stuff and stay in because it's comfortable. It's sad, really.
I wouldn't say unequivocally that being thin and feeling more attractive leads to divorce, but the life changes that occur with weight loss behind the scenes and emotionally very well could.
My divorce happened during my weight loss. I didn't divorce to get an easy way out. I was tired of having a 9 year old, and a spouse that felt more like a child than a husband. He was a dead beat, would constantly tell me that no one else would want me, etc, etc. Even if I didn't lose weight, we still would have gotten divorced b/c he was a useless man that loved making me feel bad about myself.
Well, my wife and I get a long really well, so that's good. We started WW and we have both lost weight. I lost a few more pounds than her, but she looks fantastic...I still look the same, but just a little smaller. I notice myself getting jealous a lot more with her new look and nice fitting clothes. I notice guys recognizing her new look as well. I found this post because I have seen so many women lose weight and then start getting attention(from younger better looking men) and all of a sudden act Unhappy with their spouses(but were happy when when they were heavier). I want to protect my marriage...but I also want to be less jealous and insecure. Can anyone relate? If so, suggestions would greatly be appreciated.
Jvnorth, congratulations on your weight loss. I have a feeling your marriage is fine.
May I suggest working on your self confidence? You will feel much better and women love a man who is secure in who he is. Take some time and reflect on what you would like to change for yourself. Firming up, new clothes, new hairstyle, taking a class or whatever you can dream.
Your wife fell in love with you and married you. She lost weight with you. I think she wants you to feel as happy and secure as she does.
Just my two cents...
I've seen a number of people lose weight after a divorce, when they get back out dating.
My husband and I have been at different weights in our relationship. I was 90 lbs overweight at one point. He has been about 40 lbs overweight at one point. We lost weight together shortly before we got married. But it's nice to know he loved me thin, he loved me fat, and he loves me as I am now. And vice-versa, of course.
Divorce after Weight Loss
honestly, I think most marriages break down because one of them gets bored and thinks the grass is gonna be greener somewhere else.
