I'm in a mess and don't know what to do.
When I started my weight loss journey at 274lbs I really never thought I could get to goal weight, or even close. I set my original goal of 145lbs because it would just get me to a healthy BMI, and in my late teens and early twenties I remember weighing in the 140-150 range.
When I got to 145lbs I knew I wasn't done, I wanted to get lower in the BMI range to give me room for maneouvre. My dream number has always been 137lbs if I'm honest because that would mean I'd lost half my original body weight and I could make 140lbs my red line.
This last month, over Xmas and New Year, has been REALLY hard. I got to 137.5lbs before Xmas, bounced back up to 140lbs at New Year, then managed to get down to 136.5lbs last week. Today I'm at 137lbs again and have been SO hungry all week and really struggling not to give into my cravings, so being up half a pound has really upset me.
The thing is, once I got to 137lbs my head started playing games with me again. "If I could get to 132lbs then I could make 137lbs my red line and then I'd always be able to say I'd lost half my original weight".
I know I've become obsessed, I know daily weighing is no longer helpful to me because my mood for the day is set by a number. A lower number and I'm on top of the world, the same number and I wonder why I didn't lose, a higher number and I'm almost in tears because I stayed on plan and still gained.
I'm really scared that I'm on the verge of losing control and having a major binge, and I don't know what to do to stop it.
And as for that final number for goal, really don't know what to do. I know there's still time for more weight to come off, cycle fluctuations etc play a part, and I can't say I've been stuck at this weight for weeks, but I'm just so sick of feeling so stressed out and on edge with it all.
And then I think, ok, what if I call 137lbs goal and 140lbs my red line, what then? What on earth do I do to maintain it? I've never been a calorie counter, I eat healthy meals, no snacks, have one planned treat each weekend and exercise for approx an hour or more 5/6 days a week and it's worked for me, but what do I change for maintenance?
Or do I carry on and strive for the 132lbs I really wanted? And why do I really want it? I know because of the loose skin and sagging after losing so much weight that another 5lbs isn't going to make much difference to my shape and size, I know more strength training and time are the things that will make the difference, so why do I want 132lbs so much?
And once I decide what to do, how do I stop getting on those scales every single day and beating myself up like I am?
So sorry for such a long post and ranting like this, I just need to get it out of my system and hope that someone can give me the tiniest clue on where I should go from here.
Wow, I can relate to this on so many levels, but really only one person has the answer, you. Only you know when it's time to stop, if you've become too obsessed and should seek help, if you should stop weighing daily, etc. Like weight loss, maintenance is an on going process that we're constantly tweaking to find what works. Good luck to you and congrats on your achievements.
Congratulations on losing 135 pounds. That is awesome.
Sorry you are not feeling settled about your weight. I weigh close to the same as you and I am very happy where I am but would also like to get back to my pre-holiday weight. This was my first Christmas since losing thirty pounds and I cannot say I handled things well. In fact, I am still struggling with indulging in more sweets and alcohol than prior to December but I know I can do it. I cannot give any advice about maintenance but I expect I will end up doing pretty much the same things as when I was losing. My only obstacle is not slipping back to the old bad eating habits that lead to the weight gain to begin with. My aim is more to live a healthy lifestyle than it is about the number on the scale. Fortunately the two pretty much go hand in hand anyway.
Try taking a break from dieting for a week or even two. This has physiological benefits -- you'll reset leptin levels, which affect metabolism, hunger, insulin sensitivity, you name it. More importantly, it will give you a psychological break from what has been a long (and successful!) haul.
By diet break, I don't mean "stuff as much junk food down the hatch as possible." Just give yourself the leeway to indulge a little bit -- go out for a nice meal and don't feel guilty about ordering a fattier cut of meat, share a dessert with a friend, etc. The key is to do it without guilt and to have a set ending point for the diet break. After the break, you'll be in a better mental space to tackle the last 5 pounds ... or not, if you decide 137 is where you want to settle.
You may gain back a pound or two of water weight, and possibly a smidge of fat (remember, it takes 3500 extra calories to gain a pound, too ... even if it doesn't seem that way, sometimes!) But in the greater scheme of a 135 pound weight loss, this is trivial. Besides, you *know* how to lose it again.
to you Loving Me...i can really empathize with you as I was on the border of doing exactly as you are. I got to my goal and decided that I want to even it out to 40lbs lost. I found myself eating less than 1200 calories a day and working out even harder to get there. But then I realized I was doing myself more harm than good! What I was doing was not sustainable. I started to focus on how I felt, how strong I looked when I was working out, the muscles that are slowly starting to shine through and how good I fit in my clothes.
You will have to start focusing on things outside of the scale. The scale just tells you a number and you have to get to the point where it's not all that matters. I know you know this but you have to dig deep and get to that place mentally. You can do it....it's in you to do it. What you have done so far is phenomenal. It's time to sit back and enjoy the fruits of you labor. Go out and buy yourself a new top or a new dress and revel in the fact that you look good! After all, as your name says, it's about Loving Me.
"then I could make 137lbs my red line and then I'd always be able to say I'd lost half my original weight".
How many people that you know will care that you lost half your weight? You are who you are. At the day's end, it's just you and your own body. Don't define your success with that. Define it with your health and your ability to do so much more now than you could before.
If you get to 132 and can't maintain it - are you then a failure? Absolutely not, but in your line of thinking, it almost seems that you think so. No one else can see that number on the scale unless you tell them. And do others focus on that? NO.
Life's short. Don't add too much to your stress of the regular getting through life stress. Good luck.
I'd like to suggest that you take some time to mentally step back and evaluate. You might want to find a counselor or therapist to help you with this--one who is savvy about weight and food issues.
What do you want your "tombstone" to say?
"Was helpful and compassionate in the world"
"Enjoyed and was treasured by her friends and family"
"Used her talents to make the world a better place"
Or
"Maintained a low goal weight"
???
I know I'm sounding a little flip--to make my point. But because you know you've become obsessed, I'm hoping to give you an inkling of a different perspective.
We see it all the time here. Member reaches goal weight, decides she/he is unsatisfied, aims for a lower weight, is still unsatisfied, weight loss stalls, frustration ensues... restricts food more, increases exercise... reaches even lower weight, is still unsatisfied...
Does this sound like a good way to live? You're right--it's not.
Try maintaining your weight for a month. Just maintaining. Set a calorie target and stay with it. Stop weighing all the time and just set one day a week that is "official." See what happens.
Along the lines of taking a break, might I suggest bumping up to the maintenance cals for your dream weight. I did this when I hit 148. I knew I wasn't done so I set my cals for 138, sure enough I go there. Now I'm toying withe the idea of setting my cals to around 128 because something in me wants to see the 120s. If it doesn't work you can always drop your cals again. Also try to find something else to focus on, for me it's running and strength training.
Ncuneo, can you explain how to calculate an exact "maintenance calories for your dream weight?" Are you using a formula of some kind, or basing it on what it took for you to lose weight and adding a percentage to it?
Thank you all SO much for your responses and the wonderful home truths, wise words and advice, I really needed to hear it.
I had another session with my Personal Trainer today, which really wasn't great as my perfectionism reared it's ugly head again, and I came very close to tears at one point.
We ended up having a bit of a talk and I explained that my head is a mess right now and about the daily weighing etc, and he said similar to what you've said on here - daily weighing has to go as it's not helpful to me anymore, and making myself miserable by desparately trying to reach an even lower number to my dream number of 137lbs (which I am now) is really not worth it. I weigh less now than I can ever remember doing in adulthood, wear a clothing size I'm ecstatic with and am fitter than I've ever been, and I have to realise that that is good enough.
So I've taken a step back and had a really good think about things since I got home and have decided to call 137lbs where I am now goal. It has been my dream number throughout this journey, and it is good enough. So as of today I'm starting maintenance.... A very scary thought, but I really think it's time. I got weighed this morning at 137lbs and I am NOT going to get weighed again til next Friday. Friday a.m. is going to be my weekly weigh in day from now on. I will carry on doing what I've been doing all along, but am taking the pressure off and changing my focus to maintaining 137lbs. IF I end up losing a couple more pounds while I find my maintaining feet then so be it, however IF I gain and reach my red line of 140lbs then it's back to being POP until I'm back to 137lbs approx again.
I'm nervous of this new part of my journey, but I'm very thankful that I have you all here to help me.
I use my loseit app on my phone. I've also heard 13-15 cals per lb. It's a little tricky because finding your maintenance sweet spot is hard so trying to guess what it will be could be difficult.
Please Help
to you Loving Me...i can really empathize with you as I was on the border of doing exactly as you are. I got to my goal and decided that I want to even it out to 40lbs lost. I found myself eating less than 1200 calories a day and working out even harder to get there. But then I realized I was doing myself more harm than good! What I was doing was not sustainable. I started to focus on how I felt, how strong I looked when I was working out, the muscles that are slowly starting to shine through and how good I fit in my clothes.
