It's that eating time of year again (or so you'd think from all the attitudes and panic-buying) and we are into the zone of the Food Pusher. I'm normally well out of this kind of thing, but will be seeing a lot fo family over the Christmas period. There's not just lots of food around but there's an attitude of "you haven't had fun till you've eaten it". Add on that most people will have consumed more than a little alcohol and you get people at their most enthusiastically irritating.
First they offer you a cake and you say no. Then they say "go on" and you say really, no thanks, I am more than happy. Then they say "oh come on, it's just one cake" and you say you still don't want one, thank you. They wave it about at you doing silly cake voices eat me, you know you want tooooo. They know I am on this "special diet" for medical reasons and that January is the most important deadline of all, thank goodness, otherwise the attitude would certainly be go on, get a bit fat over Christmas, you can lose it again later.
But because I've had to explain this medical diet in order not to be fed only fatty foods (I'm away from home for 2 weeks at the mercy of others' cooking) they know I am "on a diet" thus it becomes "One little cake won't hurt your diet" (one cake every time there's one cake on that plate will be about 21 cakes by the end of the holiday!) They are not people who can/will simply put leftover food back in the cupboard, once out it's got to be eaten, and even if both my husband and FIL are groaning, stuffed and loosening their belts and arguing about who has to eat the last one because nobody wants it, they have to conclude that some poor soul has to "get it down them" so attention turns to me because I've not eaten as much as them therefore it's "only fair" I eat up the spare cake.
This food pushing goes on and on until generally I leave the room and don't come back for 3 hours, at which point they may have sobered up a little but "my" cake will still be sitting on a plate waiting for me to eat it.
So how do I not A: strangle them B: take the cake and hurl it out of the window and C: not end up with any cake? I don't want to hurt people's feelings, but they equally should not be doing these things that hurt my feelings. There's no point reasoning with them, they forget all about reason when the Baileys comes out. I wonder sometimes if I should just "take this up the stairs to eat" and go put it in a box and smuggle it back into the cake cupboard later, but how stupid that it comes to that, right?
I'm not worried about giving in to the cakes, but I am rather worried about shouting at someone.
"I can give you my doctor's phone number, but I warn you he will bill you $150 for an off-hours phone call."
Seriously, good luck with this. I don't understand the attitude, but I've seen it and it's real. I, too, regret that it sometimes takes allowing a level of tension before it passes.
Perhaps the realistic possibility is to take it for "before bed" and stuff it in the plastic tub in your suitcase that gets dumped at the airport or your trash bin at home.
Ugh. I do not know. I am not looking forward to all the parties and family gatherings. I have one Wednesday at my son's school and Im kind of panicking about it!
Ah Rose, the cake pushers/food pushers are the bane of dieters everywhere.
Maybe the discussion before the meals would help (I know you said they forget when the Baileys comes out) but how bout you say when You are done, "well that was lovely, now its time for my walk/nap/meditation/ping-pong match"
Good for you for resisting temptation, you have done so well to lose your weight, its great you aren't letting the holidays sabotage your work.
Be strong just say no I'm full. or Say you already had some guess you didn't see me eating? Hope you don't shout but I would understand if you id, I know how you feel. Some simple family support would be nice. Merry Christmas!
Since it is a strict medical diet, I think most everyone would respect that (but who knows, maybe not)!
I'm thinking if you just say, "As you know I'm watching what I eat as ordered by my doctor, and that is one of the foods he put on my off-limits list if I want to be healthier on my next visit coming up in two weeks.'
Lie from politeness? Some people's love language stems from the sharing of food.
True. I'm Southern, and I feel like we have more than our fair share of "food-love-language" people here. Including most of my immediate family.
I wish I had a magic answer for you, but I feel like a lot of the responses you've gotten here are good. I just wanted to let you know that you are NOT alone on the food pusher front. Good luck to you!
I'm afraid I don't have much advice beyond maybe taking the cake and dumping it at your earliest convenience? Drop it in the trash, feed it to the dog, tell them you already ate some? This is such a tricky area, isn't it?
My family is very supportive in general but at work it's a whole other story. I work in a church and this time of year little old church ladies are baking their hearts out and they LOVE to bring stuff in to share with the staff. Just last week we had a kitchen full of: brownies, cookies, chips and homemade dip, crackers and homemade caramel - peanut butter spread, cakes, etc.
Then I'll have about 10 people consistently offering me these tasty treats over and over again until my head is about to explode. I know they mean well and they're just trying to be thoughtful so I smile, nod and tell them that: I'm not hungry, I'm not feeling well, I can't eat sweets because of an upcoming blood test (think God will forgive lying in a church?) - lather, rinse, repeat until my eyes are crossing.
Occasionally they will come into my office with a small plate of goodies for me - THAT'S the toughest. But I just smile, thank them and get rid of the goodies as soon as I can without them being aware or getting their feelings hurt.
I find a more subtle approach works best for me. I smile and say "thank you" and then walk around socializing with the thing on my plate (so I don't get offered more), and then when I figure no one will care or notice, I leave the plate somewhere, or dump the food in the trash.
If they're concerned that you won't have "fun" if you don't accept their treat, then accept it. Just don't eat it.
however, that would work best at a party where you can move around freely and no one is paying particular attention to you specifically. It sounds like your situation is a bit different, in that you are a house guest and you're describing a daily sort of observation/grilling.
"Miss Manners" said the best way to say no to food is to smile and say "No, thank you." No explanations, no justifications, no anger. If you give explanations, they can try to argue. Don't bother. Your reasons are your own. They push, and you smile again and repeat, "No, thank you." If you want to be a little nicer, you can change it up with things like "Everything was so good, I just can't eat another bite." Or "That looks so good. Thank you for making it! But I just can't eat any more right now."
Rinse and repeat until they get tired of it. The key is to smile graciously at all times.
When this sort of food comes out, I am watched by zealous (and probably jealous) female coworkers who would also like to lose weight.
Finally, when my "no thank you" gets a somewhat hostile edge to it, they tend to stop. They grumble about me. But I don't care. Because it didn't go into my mouth. And I'm not going be one of the ones standing around afterward aying, "Ooooh, I was so bad. I can't believe how bad I was."
I'm out of those games, just not playing them anymore, and glad to be on the sidelines watching.
I just go for 'No thankyou', repeated ad nauseam. Of course, I'm lucky over Christmas that it is I doing all the catering, over about a week. So I can have no more than a dirty mark's worth of anything I want on my plate, and no-one seems to notice. I just keep saying No thankyou to the sweets going round afterwards.
The only exception I make is at a church social. It used to be that by the time I got to the food - politely standing back for the flock - there'd be none left. I swear, they fall on it like gannets, then pack stuff up into boxes to take home, you've got to be quick. So now one of the ladies kindly puts a plate up for me, full of rice and peas and fatty saltfish cakes, and sweeet cakes. All of which I love! I nibble a fishcake, then put another plate over the top and say, Thankyou so much. I'm going to take this home and eat it when I've got time to enjoy it.......
Someone's gone to trouble for me, so I don't hurl it back at them. Otherwise, I'm just No, No, No until yes, sometimes, I have to go walk the dog as an alternative to sharpening the new kitchen knives.....
And then I would start complaining that I am so full, loosen up my belt, and reply back, "FIL, Hubby, you guys gotta take this one. I'm about to burst."
Not snapping heads of the Food Pushers?
