I've done great in the past two weeks. I've planned out my meals, followed them accordingly, and noticed my cravings have pretty much disappeared (I've cut out sugar/HFCS and other simple carbs). I've also been taking walks and feel really great about it. I weighed in at TOPS tonight and was rewarded with a 2-pound loss for my effort. I'm doing what's healthy, I feel like I'm going in the right direction again, and I feel I should be on top of the world.
Then I went to the grocery store with my husband.
I'd just finished dinner so real hunger wasn't an issue. We grabbed the handful of things we needed. And then he picked up a piece of candy and tossed it in the cart.
The funny thing is that he never picks up candy for himself. In all honesty I think it's the second time I've seen him buy himself candy in the past four years. I don't even like the type of candy he grabbed. But I suddenly wanted some too!
We'd passed by an endcap just moments before that had a display of chocolate-covered craisins, and I ventured back toward it. I reasoned that I could check the label further for the serving size and nutrition info, maybe I would pick it up and ration it out at home. But after some quick math I realized that the entire bag had way too many calories for one sitting and I wasn't sure I could trust myself to stick to one suggested serving at a time.
So off I wandered, looking for the candy aisle in hopes of finding chocolate I *could* have (we just moved into the area so I'm still a little unfamiliar with the stores here). DH asked me what I was looking for, and we walked the length of the store and back. No luck. But he pointed out another endcap full off Reese's Peanut Butter Cups (my old favorite) and other bags full of different kinds of chocolate candy. I shook my head and started crying.
Over chocolate?
What I'd really been looking for were the little bags of sugar-free candy. I know they're not always low-calorie but I had a great find at another store last week and budgeted for them accordingly. But at this point I was frustrated and just wanted to go home. We went to the checkout with my hands empty. I've been feeling absolutely miserable ever since, even though it actually didn't bother me in the slightest when he ate the candy in front of me (like I said, I don't even like the kind he picked up).
I'm proud of myself for not getting myself something. I knew it wasn't worth it and didn't give myself the option. I've even worked completely past the craving at this point, so I don't understand . . . why am I still so upset?
Because weightloss is a very emotional thing to do. Every so often it sneaks up and hits us, that we can't eat what/how we used to. It's almost a bereavement sometimes: however much we know that we want to be lighter and healthier, we had an eating past that was part of us, and we've lost that. It's hard.
Very impressive, though, that you looked for alternatives, and because you couldn't find any, you did without altogether. That's very mature!
Sometimes it also gets to me how I can't eat like a "normal" person and need to watch what I put in my mouth... while I am surrounded by skinny girls eating deep fried chicken as late-night snacks, and with a tall cup of caramel frappucino to boot! It's frustrating but I have learned to accept it!
Even us adults are allowed to have tempter tantrums on occasion
More seriously, I agree that weight loss is a very emotional thing. Even though we know, intellectually, that what we are doing is bettering our bodies and so worth the denial of extra calories for a chance at a healthier better life... These moments still sneak up on us where the unfairness of our particular struggle is a bit much to bear. Everyone has their challenges, unfortunately weight is both visible and inextricably tied to one of the most pervasive rituals of humanity - eating and food, itself. Chocolate, especially, has both chemical and emotional ties for many wome, and so I am not surprised you (or me!) would have a meltdown over it, of all substances.
At the end of the day you did the right thing, since you were not genuinely hungry and the chocolate didn't fit with your plan. Give it time and I think the craving will abate, or if it us absolutely necessary, couldn't you work it into your eating on another day and have enough calories for it? Especially a great dark chocolate, very small quantities of it are satisfying because it is so rich, and they also tend to be the absolute lowest in sugar.
It takes time, and even after time I imagine those feelings won't go away entirely. I feel really good about my choices for the last 42 days. Though I am not so ballsy as to think that I will EVER be free of this. *sigh* I fear that when I'm doing really well and I least expect it those demons will rise up and try and drag me back to where I was.
All we can really do is our best. You did a good job, the emotional turmoil that can grab a hold of us is temporary. I mean fat is temporary too if you want it to be, but you can't just sleep it off, it takes way more effort to relose 2 lbs than it takes to just sit through being cranky cuz you want candy and waiting for the feeling to pass.
Again, good job, even if it didn't feel like a win at the time, it was most definitely a win.
congrats.
Realizing your small successes helps you build bigger ones. So, go you.
I agree with the ones who have said that losing weight is a very emotional thing. So many foods are linked to rewards, comforts and celebrations that it's easy to feel all jumbled up when trying to change things.
I just wanted to share what has worked for me so far - and I know a lot of people are very much the opposite, but through a lot of trial and error I have found what works for me.
I have a huge (HUGE) sweet tooth, and I tried for years to find alternatives and slot my sweets in with my food. It never worked. It stressed me out and I always wanted more.
What did work in the end was to completely eliminate them. Totally. No little piece of chocolate here and there, no birthday cake, no Christmas pudding, you get the idea.
While this may sound like I'm missing out I can safely say I'm so not. I have always been an emotional eater. I eat from boredom and because it's "cozy" (very cozy to be fat I'm sure) and very rarely from hunger.
To completely cut out those foods is like an enormous weight lifted from my shoulders. I don't cry over chocolate any more (and trust me I have many times) because I just don't think about it any more. I know it's off limits, so I don't waste time thinking about it.
Whatever works for you I have to say WELL DONE for not blowing your plan when you couldn't find what you were after!
I'm sorry to hear you had a little melt down with the candy temptation. I identify with that scenario. Perhaps you are upset that you were vulnerable to it 'this' time. I know I get pi$$ed when I realize that I have to be on guard ALL. THE. TIME. Perhaps you are upset that your behavior is reminiscent of the time before you committed to a new life. It always shocks me and stirs up fear when I start mindlessly rummaging through my cupboards for 'something' or put the wrong kind of food in my basket at the store.
When I am aware of my behavior, I ask myself if 'this' will help me attain my ultimate goal. I have dumped impulse items all over the store. (yeah, that's me putting raisenettes on the baby food shelf!)
When I become aware of my behavior, I ask myself if continuing 'this' will help me attain my ultimate goal. I have thrown away a lot of cr@p food. It feels cleansing to watch it go down the disposal.
Lots of people get how you feel. Definitely. I know it's hard, yep I do. I'm glad that you wrote this post because you cried for the reason you did instead of, "I ended up eating the whole box and now I feel horrible and I can't stop crying." You made a good decision and you should really be proud of yourself for that.
ETA: I get sugar free candy from Walmart. They carry a lot of different kinds so I get to change it up every now and then.
Last edited by TooManyDimples; 12-02-2010 at 09:09 AM.
Food has always been our "best" friend. You just said no to your "best" friend and put yourself first...congrats to you on making the right decision for YOU!!! It is like losing your best friend and by golly we WILL cry about it. I cried over a Pizza Hut PAN pizza one time that I did not eat. I feel for you sister.
sirenity, I am trying to embrace moments like this, because when we are going along on plan, not having cravings, and thinking "why the heck didn't I do this before, it's actually kinda easy", it's, IMHO, VERY important to remember that one false move can literally send some of us back to the beginning if we're not careful. I am most definitely not suggesting that if you DID get the candy and have some, then it's all over for you. But giving in to cravings begets giving in to MORE cravings, and so the cycle begins UNLESS you can step back from it and get your mind right again.
So I use times like this as a wake-up call. Yes, following my plan has become much easier, and I am on track to take it all the way this time. BUT, just one trip to the grocery where hubby decides to indulge COULD be danger. Just gotta keep on the lookout and divert disaster! Cry it out, sister! You did GREAT!
I've cried many times over food, most recently I cried while I ate a side salad at Arby's while my husband sat across from me and ate 2 sandwiches (the $1 menu ones) and an order of curly fries.
This was a big shock to me (the crying) because I did thoroughly enjoy the side salad. But still there were tears, andI couldn't stop.
They were just rolling down my face~I can only imagine what the worker who was cleaning was thinking about me crying in the restaurant.
Chocolate is my favorite food in the whole world, so I understand what you went thru. It's the main reason I gained so much weight. I'd eat a bag of it for dinner and nothing else. It was my major food group. I miss it a lot. Hubby and I had a fight over it just this weekend. I was cleaning out his lunchbox and he had a handful of fun size butterfingers in there. Ooooh, the cravings I had when I picked them up. Mouth watered, stomach growled, eyes dilated, lol. Hubby saw me holding them, he reached for them, I pulled away, he tried to grab them again and I ran. I actually ran from him! How crazy is that? I yelled that I have lost over 100 pounds and I deserved them dang it. He reminded me how chocolate is like a drug to me and if I start I'll want more and I'll gain all the weight back and be miserable. Cussing back and forth...it wasn't pretty. Once I settled down and realized how I was acting, I handed them over and he threw them away. I don't know if I'll ever be able to have chocolate in the house...probably not.
It's hard to deny ourselves foods, when we were so used to eating everything and anything we wanted for so long. I'm learning control. It is getting easier. Not for chocolate, though, lol. ;-)
Your post hit home with me too! I've done that same thing where I'm not even thinking about eating off plan, and then suddenly something catches my eye-- like chocolate, and I start thinking about how I might be able to eat it, and doing those mental calculations. And like you, I always end up walking away.
It's a huge battle won, each and every time, but it's just awful that it takes so much effort.
Sometimes you can't help but feel like you carry the burden of the weight of the world on your shoulders. Saying "no" to old favorites and treats takes its toll. It's exhausting and downright exasperating when DHs and BFs and people don't realize it actually hurts us to wave temptation in our faces. They mean well but can't/don't get the struggles we bottle up inside.
I spend at least one day a week foaming at the mouth at 7-11 staring at all the cakes and candies and desserts longingly. Usually I say no, but it's a real war in my head.
Oh, How I feel your pain and the sadness on looking and passing those goodies. I admire your self control and staying strong as you can be with your plan. Just think of the new healthy new you without those candies. You are worth it and no major candies can replace it on the healthy efforts you are working on.
Crying Over Chocolate
Lots of people get how you feel. Definitely. I know it's hard, yep I do. I'm glad that you wrote this post because you cried for the reason you did instead of, "I ended up eating the whole box and now I feel horrible and I can't stop crying." 
You made a good decision and you should really be proud of yourself for that.
