[rachael]

I struggle a lot with feeling like my weight loss isn't valid or as good as people who have lost the weight without the surgery. Even here, where people are pretty understanding about it, I still feel like there is judgment about it (if not outright, in comments about how insulting it is for people to think that someone had surgery when they got theirs off through hard work). I know it doesn't matter in the end what other people think, but it's still really difficult. I tried for over 10 years and only ever had moderate success followed by immense failure again. The surgery saved my life, got rid of my diabetes, made it possible for me to stick to the lifestyle change that I had never been able to stick to before. And it has been hard work, but I know that people think it isn't.

So I guess my question is, does this ever go away fully or do you just work at not letting it bother you?

[missangelaks]

Ah you have touched on the key to happiness in my book. It isn't about what other people think, it's what we think that guides our everyday life.

We chose WLS because we felt we had no other choice. We felt we NEEDED a tool to help us put the yoyo away and focus on caring for ourselves. I love my quote below...(that's why it's there I suppose )...it is a choice to view ourselves with love and optimism. If we do, what people say, do or think about us, what we did, or what we will do is irrelevant.

We are all part of the human race, and there is no one above us and no one below us on some imaginary ladder of worth. Love yourself above all others, it's not vanity, it's a good healthy self-esteem.

Angela

[Leenie]

Will jealously ever go away? nope .... but IMHO no matter how you lose weight, whether it be in the gym 4 hrs/day, or you have a personal trainer / dietitian or simply cut calories people are going to judge you because you succeeded.

The key to any success is not to judge yourself, which seems to be one of the hardest things to do. So yes... my answer would be to work on yourself by not letting their hurtful words bother you.

You said it yourself... surgery saved your life... so why not go out there and enjoy it. You deserve to be happy... YES YOU DO!! Be around people who lift you up and not drag you down... now thats the key !!!

Leenie

[jillybean720]

I have never felt this way. We all come from different places in life, and I can honestly say I've never allowed anyone to make me feel inferior about my success because of the tool I chose to use. That's the key - it's not other people saying or doing things, it's how you let their words or actions affect you. You don't have to be callous and unfeeling, but you do have the power to say, "hey, that's fine if YOU feel that way, but I sure don't!" No one can "make" you feel anything - it's all up to you.

You mentioned diabetes - that's why I looked to WLS in the first place. I'd struggled with my weight my entire life, but the day I got my type 2 diabetes diagnosis was the day I started seriously considering surgery. I've found there to be quite a bit of resistance in the type 2 community about using WLS as a means of alleviating my diabetes. People imply that I didn't work as hard as them, and that that somehow makes me inferior or lazy. Let them imply (or even fat out say) whatever they want - I KNOW that without my surgery, I would be struggling to control my diabetes on a daily basis. I would be on 2 or more oral medications and probably insulin, and I would still be struggling to achieve glucose levels that were forever feeling out of reach. My last HBA1C was 4.8. That's all I need to know, and they can take their snooty attitudes and bloated egos elsewhere.

[Pint Sized Terror]

Wow, I've never had WLS, but I NEVER thought of it as the easy way. Any kind of surgery is a major deal, and the recovery from WLS, from what I've seen, is VERY hard.

Everyone is always going to have an alternate view on what "they" think is right, wrong, good or bad. The only viewpoint that matters is your own. After all, no one else is living your life, in your shoes and in your mind, are they?

[kittycarlson]

I had WLS 27 years ago. I lost 120 some lbs. I had to work really hard in ww and excersising to lose the last 45 lbs. I have dieted many times since. This time I was almost all the way back to my pre -WLS weight. There is nothing easy about it. You should be proud of yourself.

[nelie]

We all have our own struggles and issues. I applaud anyone who has lost weight, no matter what the means.

I think for many years, there was a big spot light on weight loss surgery and seemed to give a false impression that large amounts of weight loss requires weight loss surgery and an assumption by many people that those who have lost weight had weight loss surgery. We know that isn't true and I think people should know their options whether it is weight loss surgery or not.

The only thing I don't like to see from people who want to lose weight is their thought that they need weight loss surgery or else they are doomed. That doesn't mean they shouldn't pursue the surgery but there are lots of options and all of them will require dedication and hard work.

[annie175]

Humbug on them. It is a daily struggle to say the least. It is all up to you how you let other's make you feel.

[rachael]

I know I am the only one who can control how I feel. It is just frustrating. I appreciate all of the feedback. And I am working on it.

[imlosingit]

We all know that it's SO not the easy way. If you share your journey with close friends/family, they will realize the same thing. We still have to eat right, exercise, etc, to get to goal and stay there. We can easily eat our ways back to our pre-WLS size if we really want to or don't want to do the work anymore. I have VSG and am really restricted in what I can eat. For now. But I know that I could be right back to my pre-VSG habits in a heartbeat.

[Nola Celeste]

I'm with Pint Sized Terror...although I've not had WLS, I can't see how anyone who knows a thing about it can consider it an "easy way out" or somehow less valid than other means of losing.

Weight is such a hot-button issue, I think, that people do get very judgmental about it. It's almost an involuntary response: "Oh, that person isn't handling this issue about which I have many tangled feelings the way I would handle it, therefore she's doing it wrong and I must leap in to save her!" Add in complex feelings of jealousy of a quick weight loss, fear of surgery/illness, ignorance about the amount of work required of someone who's had WLS, concern that a post-op person will undergo personality changes, and it becomes understandable that some family, friends, and even acquaintances may react in weird ways to another person's surgery.

That doesn't excuse the weird, judgmental, or rude behavior, but maybe it makes it a little more comprehensible and therefore forgivable. Ultimately, it was a life-saving decision for you, so it doesn't matter if someone else considers it a "second-rate" way to deal with a major health issue.

If your house were on fire, would anyone criticize you for busting out a window and leaping to safety instead of crawling through smoke-darkened rooms to find the door? The important thing isn't how you get to safety, it's that you acted quickly enough to do so.

[seagirl]

When I was in my 20's I lost about 20 pounds with Weight Watchers. My father's response? "It would have been nice if you could have done it alone."

I would not think for a minute that WLS is the easy way out if I met someone who told me they'd had it. No more than a C-section is the "easy way out" of childbirth. Hello, major surgery, people!

[vdander24]

Listen, I I were on here and my ticker looked anywhere near like yours, I would be feeling a ton of things. Pride, happiness, sexiness, active to name a few. I don't know where guilt would fall, but WAAAAY down the list. The important point is that you are able to maintain, and remain healthy so you can be here for a long, time. WLS is not for everyone. But that decision is absolutely one that canNOT be made by anyone but the person involved.
Congrats on the weightloss!!!

[Nebuchadnezzar]

I havent had WLS either, but people have this huuuuge misconception about how easy it is. They don't really realize that you still have to do everything you would normally do when losing without surgery and more. I mean, thats the main reason I think I would be scared to do it now as opposed to a month or two ago when I was hopelessly pining for it without being insured.

It looks like really hard work! I honestly think it would be harder if I were doing this alongside surgery. I mess up a lot and I don't do well with vomiting, etc. Plus I miss too many work outs!

Its always something. Bottom line: To people, fat is a classist nightmare and a good way for them to erroneously and blithely judge your character. If you couldnt shake it off yourself? You're lazy. If you did? You shouldn't have let it go on in the first place, OH and everyone has free reign to tell YOU what you can and cannot eat or do. No matter what, I dont think you can escape weight bias whether gaining, losing or going under the knife.

[missangelaks]

Rachel, boy do I understand your frustration...I did my informitive speech in my class on Communication on the misconception some have about WLS being the "the easy way out"...but I have to agree with vander24 on this!! Look at the numbers on your ticker!!!!!



I like the theme of this thread: Glass half full...don't give a hoot what other people think, say, or do...hold to what you know is right, it isn't easy and its worth fighting for!

Hang in there honey!

Angela