** Warning -- lengthy and heavy (no pun intended) post ahead. **
I'm back again. And again and again. I swear this must be my 8th I'm Back post in the past 5 years. One of these days it will stick.
I seemed to be on a forward trajectory for awhile several months ago, losing weight like crazy, working out daily, getting confident, seeing progress and then my entire world fell apart when my father was diagnosed with stage four cancer on October 4th. He passed November 5th, and for the five weeks in between I was back and forth between CA and the east coast to take care of him, support my mom, help plan and attend the funeral, etc.
During that time I literally didn't care about anything else but being there for my family -- not what I ate or if I exercised or drank water. I sustained myself on the food people brought to my mom's house...lots of lasagna and cheese platters and cookies (oh lord, the cookies). I've never been a stress or emotional eater (I'm usually the opposite...I can't even think of eating when I'm upset), but I ate things I never even ate when I wasn't trying to lose weight. I'm not a sweets person but they were there and easy and available. I came back to CA feeling gross and sluggish and sad and fat.
I stepped on the scale last Saturday and was 7 pounds heavier than before my dad got sick, 4 of which I took off immediately this past week when I just started eating like a human being again. I'm trying hard to get back on the wagon but I'm just so friggin tired that even the thought of tracking in fitday and actually moving my butt again completely exhausts me.
I managed to get myself up yesterday, throw on my running shoes and iPod and go for a 45 minute walk in the cold rain, which was both torturous and cleansing at the same time. I ate a healthy breakfast this morning and now the rest of the day lies ahead of me and I know I can make a choice to do something productive and good for me, but all I want to do is crawl into a ball and cry.
My father was one of my best friends in the entire world. It just hurts so much, you guys.
So I guess my question is to anyone who's experienced this kind of loss and kept going and been successful -- how the **** do you do it? I mean, I have added incentive now to not only do this for myself but for my family so I'm around for them for a long, long time. I just don't know how to fight through the pain and get back to where I need to be.
Any and all help and advice are welcome, because I'm really struggling here.
Welcome back. Sorry about your loss lots of hugs to you. Just know you have to move forward and lose the weight and even thou your dad is gone he is still around you in so many ways. Good luck.
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my dad three years ago and I miss him daily. I am not sure about staying healthy, because I didn't (hence, why I am here)
I do know that when I lost him, it took a long while before I could do anything. I worked, spent time with friends and family, but everything was cloudy. My dad was my buddy, my rock. I questioned everything when he was gone.
I will say that eventually, you will smile when you think about your dad without the tears. It will not be today, tomorrow, or anytime soon, but it will happen.
As for being successful: I still have "conversations" with my dad and we "talk" about getting healthy. It helps.
It sounds cliche' but taking it one day at a time helps.
My prayers go out to you.
My mom died before I got serious about losing weight--in fact I was at my high weight at her memorial gathering, and I was the fattest person there. I was so sad. I cried in the hotel restroom over it. But I also decided that it was time for me to change things.
I do know how sad you feel. You'll feel that way for awhile--it doesn't go away quickly. But in the meantime, the best thing you can do is to take care of yourself properly with nutrition and exercise. It will help, believe me.
I am so sorry for the loss of your father. It is so very hard to lose a parent. I still miss my father 21 years later.
I have had some scary, difficult stuff happen while trying to lose weight. I don't think there is an easy way to get through it, but "feeling the feelings" instead of stuffing them down with food is very important. Sometimes you just have to sob and cry and feel it in order to heal. Eating to numb youself just prolongs the pain, IMO.
Wishing you and your family peace and healing this holiday season.
yes, losing my mom, about 14 years ago, was one of the hardest things I've ever gone through, hands down. big, big, big time condolences to you. I feel like she's still with me in many ways.
I had to take it a day at a time. I agree that eating healthily and being active (exercise if you can) will help. I think the weight loss really depends on you, if the extra pressure would be too overwhelming, concentrate on getting through this until you're more ready to tackle that goal. On the other hand, if it would help you to have a project to concentrate on that would take your mind off your grief, then that's a different story.
I am so sorry for your loss. I know it's not the same coming from a stranger, but I can really feel your pain. My dad died in 1996, on his birthday, and I know exactly what you are going through.
I would like to give you tons of wise words and wisdom for getting thru all of this, but I don't really have any. Just keep logging on here and pouring it all out if that's what helps. Try your very best to keep getting healthy and making the small choices that turn into big rewards. Most of all, let yourself feel your emotions. Healing comes with time and patience.
Tons of (((hugs))) to you.
I'm so sorry for your loss Gloo. My heart goes out to you. I am in a similar position and it is so difficult. My beloved Dad died on Sept. 18th of pancreatic cancer after have been diagnosed just three weeks earlier.
I never would have thought I could stay on track with my food during his illness, death and funeral but I managed. My Dad was my biggest supporter in life and he was so happy about my weight loss and maintenance. I think we can honor our Dads by taking good care of ourselves and eating right.
You'll be in my thoughts and prayers Gloo. Please PM me if I can be of any help or support to you at all. I'm so glad you've come back to 3fc's. Take it one day, hour and meal at a time.
Thankfully, I have no experience with this. Quite frankly, I can't even fathom it.
I think it would be best to completely and totally separate your food, from your emotions. Map out a plan of what you will eat for the day and don't deviate from it, regardless of what you're feeling. You eat what you eat, you feel what you feel. Totally separate. It will be hard to do initially, but before you know it, it will become more automatic and natural to you.
Plan out that food, ahead of time, in advance. Go about your day and whatever comes up, should not change that plan.
All the best to you and your family at this tragic time.
Last edited by rockinrobin; 11-28-2010 at 06:14 PM.
I say this incredibly lovingly and yet logical at the same time. How can you not? That should be the question. Cancer in most cases is hereditory. Cancer is also caused/linked to obesity! You have an obligation to yourself first, then to your family to take the best 'health' for yourself. Eating healhty and exercise are great ways to reduce your chances of cancer. So dont think why' ....think whynot!
I too have lost someone to cancer- and it's certainly the hardest things in life to go through. Give yourself permission to be who you were during that difficult time. I really dont think you should ever battle yourself for how you ate and any lack of exercise you had during that time- it doesnt even count. What matters now....is today-. You made the first step today and now you will wake up tomorrow and make the step.
As with all things in life- take it day by day.
Sorry for your loss
I lost my mom to cancer when I was still a teenager, and my father to cancer back in '04. To be honest, I'm not sure how I managed to get through either of those times, but as other people have said here, things do get better. At some point you'll be able to look back to warm memories with a smile. In the meantime, allow yourself time to cry, to heal.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JayEll
My mom died before I got serious about losing weight--in fact I was at my high weight at her memorial gathering, and I was the fattest person there. I was so sad. I cried in the hotel restroom over it. But I also decided that it was time for me to change things.
I went through the exact same thing, but for my father's funeral. But even then it was a while before I was able to make myself get serious about losing the weight.
I've recently started cracking down again, I think partially because I just lost an uncle to cancer as well. It's sort of been a wake up call that I'm not getting any younger and that I need to be around for my loved ones, as well as enjoy a certain quality of life that eating healthier will bring.
I read your story and got the chills, i'm going through the same exact thing right now and on the East Coast to boot! My father had a lung transplant 2 years ago and at that time they found lung cancer. He was cancer free for over a year and last Dec. it was back. He is now on oxygen and very ill. I cry every hour of the day and like you, he is my best friend in the whole world. I've also been someone that did not eat when stressed actually lost 70 lbs being stressed years ago.
I'm at the same place, gained about 11 lbs. over the past few months. BUT yesterday rejoined WW for probably the 11th time and i think this time may be the one! This new program is GREAT! I'm a carb person and this program now focuses on protein.
We will get through, positive thoughts, or as my therapist says "fake it till you make it"
back again and this time it's personal
