Extremely Upset - 3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community

MsRatFink · 11-04-2010, 01:04 AM

My husband did something today that I am not only completely floored about but also very hurt and upset by.

He knows that I am borderline Diabetic and have taken a new turn in my life to get healthy and lose weight. Well the first step that I have chosen is to rid myself of my sugar/junk food addiction. I struggle with it everyday and I really have to focus hard but I do it. Now before I go on, let me tell you that my husband is about 60 pounds over weight and complains constantly that he is "fat" and needs to lose weight but yet he will never take the initiative to doing anything about it.

So he went to the store tonight for a few things, no big deal. I made dinner and had some fruit for my desert. He gets up from the couch, goes into the kitchen, sits down right next to me and proceeds to open a Caramello Bar (one of my favorites). I said "I thought you weren't going to eat that stuff anymore" he said "I wasn't", I said "Then go throw it in the garbage", he said "No, Im not wasting money. Here, I'll share it with you", I said "Have you totally forgotten that Im not doing eating that stuff anymore?" ok, here's the kicker. He breaks a square of chocolate off and waves it in front of my nose and face and says "You know you want it".

I could NOT believe he did that.
Well after that I had some choice words with him and of course he said "I was just joking". SOB!

Needless to say we are not on speaking terms right now and I am very hurt. Am I being to sensitive?

Angela

BellaLucia · 11-04-2010, 01:39 AM

What he did was wrong but it's not a cause for divorce, BUT let's hope he comes to his senses and apologizes!

elleohelle · 11-04-2010, 01:41 AM

Can you ask him why he did it? He's being a jerk, but it helps to know his motivation too.

krampus · 11-04-2010, 01:59 AM

He may not realize how serious you are about ridding your life of sugar/junk dependency. I imagine by now he'll realize you are really upset by the incident and won't do it again.

There will always be people who are insensitive to your efforts and will egg you on to eat junk or tease you with tempting foods though. Thicken your skin and try not to let it bother you. Most people on earth don't understand that losing weight for the long run is a complex and difficult thing to do.

livb528 · 11-04-2010, 02:12 AM

This is a theory of mine, but I feel like when I used to be very out of control with my eating and junk food that it made me feel better about myself to see other people eating the same way I did. Like going out to lunch with a friend and both ordering a huge dessert. Maybe he feels like he is not mentally ready to lose weight right now and doesn't want to see you change your life and leave him behind.

That is the only thing I can think of that would motivate him to buy your favorite chocolate bar, wave it in front of your face, and "tempt" you when he knows explicitly that you are trying to be sugar free right now. It is NOT right, especially since he knows how important this is to you. I would maybe have a chat with him about why he felt it was okay to do that. I hope this all made sense.

MsRatFink · 11-04-2010, 02:40 AM

Thank you all for your input. Tomorrow I am going to sit down with him and explain to him that it did upset me and that I am very serious about my efforts.

Thank you again ladies! ((hugs))

mortonpixie · 11-04-2010, 12:38 PM

My 12yo son was reading this over my shoulder and said what I was thinking "He needs to apologize."

Sorry, hun.

Mitza24 · 11-04-2010, 01:28 PM

Guys are such idiots half the time.

pinkflower · 11-04-2010, 01:29 PM

We had similar situations happen between my husband and I when I first started to get healthy. There was a lot of tension in the house. My husband would even buy me the candy bar, my fav ice cream etc., and then would get genuinely hurt and upset that I got angry because he was trying to do something nice. It took a couple months before he accepted that I was serious. Before that he was resentful, unhelpful etc etc etc. It was very hard for him and I was very very annoyed that it was such a big deal to him lol

We had lots of conversations around our health, how to support me, his health etc. A few months after I started (I just started about 5-6 months ago), he started trying to lose weight as well and is eating much healthier (at least in front of me & the kids lol). He no longer buys me junk and is even starting a serious weight training program.

It will probably be an adjustment.....at first, I sometimes I wondered if it was worth all the arguments. I'm so glad I stuck with it, even though it temporarily interrupted our harmonious household

We're back to normal now (thank goodness)

Good luck!! can't wait to hear how your talk goes

bargoo · 11-04-2010, 01:39 PM

Your husband needs to be educated about diabetes, maybe you can get some literature and ask him to read it . Insist on it as a matter of fact, perhaps if he is more knowledgable about diabetes he will understand and will be supportive.

MsRatFink · 11-04-2010, 10:43 PM

Good Evening Ladies:

Well DH and I had our talk about what happened lastnight. He told me that he did infact buy that chocolate bar for me and just wanted a piece. He said that there was another candy bar on the top of the fridge for himself. I asked him why he did that and he said he forgot about me trying to get healthy again.
I explained to him again how I need this. It's not a want but a need. I need to get healthy or I could die. He apologized over and over and said he was very sorry. I asked him if he was trying to hinder my efforts and he said he was not.
So we will see what happens. Oh, he did eat the other chocolate bar he had hidden in front of me tonight on the couch but he did not offer me any or tease me with it which made me very happy. I think he is starting to get it :-)

~Angela

Asherdoodles87 · 11-05-2010, 09:42 AM

I had a similar problem with my sister a few days ago: http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/100-...el-sister.html

I guess it just takes people who are close to you a while to understand your new habits. I am glad you talked to him, and everything went well. Hopefully it won't happen again in the future. Congrats on turning it down, though! I can tell you are really serious about the weight loss.

MsRatFink · 11-06-2010, 09:01 AM

Asherdoodles87: I am so sorry your sister was mean to you like that. I grew up with 3 thin sisters and they were very cruel to me. I can sympathize with what you are going through.
And yes I am very serious about my health. It means more to me than anything right now because I have finally come to realize we only have one go around in this life and I don't plan on wasting anymore of it. Congrats on your success, you have come quite a ways.

~Angela