So I have been having this problem arise lately and figured I would come here to see if any of you have the same issue or something similar happen to you.
I started a blog on my weight loss to stay motivated and accountable. I post it on my facebook everyday and it really helps. My friends read it, they comment on it and they push me! If I miss a day of working out, they tell me they want to see me there next time! (Those that go to boot camp with me)
The girls in boot camp are all REALLY supportive, **** most everyone on there is supportive.
But lately I've been getting a few questionable comments on old pictures that I don't really like...and not sure how to take them (maybe with a grain of salt?). Although I know I can't help how I feel about them and that is my issue.
When I first started all my friends would say "You're not even that big!" I didn't mind that so much...hey it almost sounded like a compliment to me.
But okay for instance today I had a notification on a picture that was about 6 months old and it said "WOW! You don't look this big anymore"!!! Um, okay? I was happy, I always smiled in every picture (I should note, I have about 22 albums on my page and most of them I'm at my highest of 219lbs).
Anyway, needless to say I deleted the comment because it took me aback so much. I've been deleting a lot of similar comments lately.
Also on my blog today a friend commented "Looking better and better everyday" I wanted to delete that too but I kept it. What the ****?!
So me losing weight helps me look better and better? I thought I was cute before! Are they saying being skinny is the only way for a person to look cute?
You guys can let me know if I'm overreacting but I'm not quite sure how to take these comments....
I dunno, i think it is a VERY sensitive topic for us so we can easily take things the wrong way. Someone saying "you are looking better and better" could be them meaning skinny=better, but they could also mean healthier, closer to your goal, etc. Someone saying "you dont look this big anymore!" could mean that yeah they thought you were big before, but it could just be them being impressed at the progress you've made, saying that its already noticeable, simply that you arent that big anymore.
I guess its hard to determine tone on facebook I know I couldnt accept any comments at all about it so i dont post anything about it on facebook
I'm sure they mean well with their comments and to them, they're compliments. The only way anyone will know that you take what they say the wrong way is if you tell them. You're putting your weight loss out there, and I'm sure they just want to be supportive.
My weight loss blog posts to my Facebook as well, and I get comments from friends and family members all the time about how well I'm doing and how much better I'm looking. Unless people are making obviously rude and derogatory comments (which thankfully never happens), I just assume they mean everything they say as a compliment about how I look now, not an insult about how I looked before.
So just try and see the comments in a positive light, and if you really just can't, let people know you'd rather they don't make the comments at all.
People aren't so direct to me (as in "you don't look that big anymore") but the other day I got told I look elegant now. I was torn between "thanks" and "How did I look before?". It's strange.
personally, i think that cause your friend posted the 'better and better every day' comment on the blog, and not a specific photo, they're thinking that overall you're doing better, and they didn't just look at a picture and think "wow she's not that fat anymore". I'd take it as a compliment, and feel flattered, cause that's how it's meant to be taken.
Also, at the end of the day it's a lot easier to feel complimented than spend ages going what they've said trying to pick apart what they mean (I know this from personal experience :P)
Speaking of facebook woes... a friend posted a pic of my from the weekend. I look pregnant. with triplets. a month overdue. in a lime freaking green tshirt. *hides away*
I have a couple of other Facebook friends who have lost significant weight in the past couple of years, and though I tend not to leave comments, I have definitely noticed the change.
My own take on this is that I don't walk around every day looking at my friends and picturing a number over their heads. When I think of my friends, no matter their weight (because it isn't much of an identifying factor in others, to me... even though I think about my own weight all the time!!), I think about their personality, their hobbies, their fields of study or work, their character... etc. When I notice that a friend has lost weight, it's a delightful surprise because often I hadn't even thought much about their weight. It tells me that they have made a dedicated and venerable decision to improve their health and well-being. I DON'T think, "Oh good, my fat friend is finally getting skinny!" It's more like, "Wow, I never thought about my friend's weight before, but he/she looks healthier and happier now than I have ever seen! That's great!"
I would like to think that most compliments on weight loss are not trying to reinforce the idea that being skinny is the only way to be attractive, because that's downright false. Rather I would like to think that people are genuinely impressed when they see their friends making that tough journey to better health, and want to be supportive, because **** - losing a significant amount of weight is something to be proud of and to support!
Last edited by cornellchick; 10-29-2010 at 09:25 PM.
cornell - I really appreciate your train of thought on this! That is exactly my sentiments.
I am losing weight to be HEALTHY, yes of course the vain things are nice (fitting into a decent swimsuit) but I also want to live a long productive life.
Like some of you said, the main thing is I need to think of them as meaning it in a positive way.
I guess it's that old saying of how someone who has never been overweight doesn't really know how it feels.
As for why I post on facebook about the weightloss, it really is a motivating factor. If I EVER thought of giving up, I wouldn't. My pride is too strong. I don't want anyone questioning me 6 months down the line about what happened to my goal...WHEN I hit that goal, I'll know they'll all be there and see how strong I truly am.
Krizstyling, you have guts! I have no guts to post anything on Facebook! haha, I'd be too worried. I think it's funny if I post a new picture that I look thinner in... my friends will say, "so and so asked if you've been losing weight.." That I enjoy. But I don't know, my pride is too strong to quit dieting too... and I think I'd be sensitive to any comments that implied that I wasn't always a cute girl haha Bigger girls are just as beautiful. Weight loss isn't for beauty all the time.. it's for health. And ditto on my blog Carly, but mine's sort of emotional so I think once I'm done with the diet I will show it to my best friends and my mom and sister.
at my highest weight i felt horrible. terrible self esteem, fat, really embarrassed. every comment when people notice the difference how i am now is a compliment. i felt like a cow! now i'm at my lowest weight in more than 5 years. i'd be offended if they DIDN'T notice. my 'normal' maintained wt was 215, at 190 i'm almost 30 lbs down. i don't use face book though, i would never get off, so my encounters are in person and every couple of months.and yes i'm much healthier too.
I have absolutely no guts to post about my weight loss journey on my FB, so I applaud you!
I'm sure the comments are only made out of encouragement. Also, it's not necessarily that skinny = cute, but maybe it's more of a you're a strong woman for making these lifestyle changes in order to become healthier? My boyfriend makes similar comments to me, but I think he really just wants me to be healthier, not that he'd love me "more" if I were thinner.
I have to say... that if I started a blog about my weight loss... and I was losing... and I didn't get comments... I'd be more hurt than if I did get comments saying I looked better. I think they are just trying to be supportive.
I think you may be a little sensitive about the comments. It's natural. You just have to realize that they're trying to be supportive of you. I know that when people lose a lot of weight and I haven't seen them in a while I have a tendancy to tell them "You look amazing!" It doesn't mean I thought they were hideous before--it's just my way of saying "Wow, you've lost weight, you've worked hard, congrats it shows!" I never thought it would sound like I was saying something bad about how they looked before. It sounds now, however, like it could be taken that way.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that they're just trying to compliment you. Yes it may sound like they're giving a backhanded compliment but it most likely isn't intended this way. They loved you then, they love you now. They're just trying to be supportive and let you know 1) they notice a difference, and 2) they excited for you and all the progress you've made.
It's a double-edged sword. On the one hand you're thrilled because you think you look better, too, and you're happy people notice your progress. On the other hand it's like "Oh thanks guys, guess I looked like sh!t before!"
I don't post much about my weight on FB because I don't like drawing attention to my "before" body. It's still painful to think that everyone secretly knew I was overweight and never said anything about it at the time, but would be willing to comment on it now.
Being skinny isn't the only way to look cute, but your friends mean well. I'm sure you look better now than you did at your highest weight since you're so much happier!
you can't get upset because of comments like that... of course, if you were over 200lbs, you were big, there's no denying it, and friends, because they are your friends, will always tell you things like "you're not that big" or "but you have such a pretty face" but it doesn't mean they don't secretly think you're fat. my friends growing up, would always "reassure" me that i was so cute and "not that fat" and then they would turn around and comment about girls that were thinner than me and say derogative things about their weight. so i knew they weren't being honest with me when they told me they thought i was beautiful and "not that fat"
so i don't really understand why you are upset NOW. you look good now! who cares what you looked like before, you look hot now! and people are complimenting you! take it!!
it's like people who get upset when you say "oh, you look so nice today!" and they immediately assume "what, you mean i normally look like crap?" it just makes me think that i don't wanna compliment those people ever again...
just my two cents. sorry if it's not what you wanna hear
Does everyone know about Friendlists? I am surprised by how many Facebook users are not aware that you can filter who sees what, and therefore who can post on what. It's not as clearcut as whoever is your 'friend' can see all your stuff and comment on all your stuff, not unless you choose it to be that way. If there are particular Facebook users that you don't want to share your albums with, or even an individual photo, you can block that person. They will not be aware they've been blocked, they just won't see it any more. There's more information on a help site I think it's called "10 privacy settings every Facebook user should know" and it means you can share your weight loss journey with your 3FC and WW pals or whatever but you don't need to share it with your work colleagues.
Facebook Woes...Anyone?
I know I couldnt accept any comments at all about it so i dont post anything about it on facebook 
Bigger girls are just as beautiful. Weight loss isn't for beauty all the time.. it's for health. And ditto on my blog Carly, but mine's sort of emotional so I think once I'm done with the diet I will show it to my best friends and my mom and sister.
