So a lot my posts lately have made me realize I care WAY too much about what others think about my appearance, personality, actions, success, failures, etc. I think I've always kind of been that way and it has a lot to do with how I was raised, but what is really interesting to me is that I care more now at a lower weight then I did when I was heavier. Is anyone else experiencing this?
My epiphany is that it just doesn't matter. What others think about me just doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is what I think about me and that when I look in the mirror I can feel proud of myself and the life I'm living. Hopefully this means that my insecure posts about image, fat, skinny, etc. are coming to an end
No I feel that way too. I still have a long way to go, but I am way more insecure and weird about what I look like and what people think when I am smaller than when I am bigger. I was that way last year when I had already lost 60lbs. I got soooo concerned with it, that I just decided to give up and do what I wanted, because either way it did not matter, people were still going to point and laugh, so I may as well eat what I liked and enjoy it.
This weekend was cause for a total meltdown. We had a wedding to go to yesterday, and the dress I was looking forward to wearing looked HORRIBLE. Enter weird self destructive issues that culminated with a complete self attack in the mirror, a fiancee not knowing what to say and looking like I killed his puppy and a 2.8 lb weight gain!
Oy. I am on my way to my resolution about myself and life, but not there yet.
THanks for sharing!
You are so right.
The motivation for me to loose the weight is purely health.
But I know that is because I've given up wondering what people think of me being obviously overweight. I don't wonder, I know and I don't like thinking about that so I don't.
I think I also think that when I'm bigger my goal is to not be noticed at all, but when I am smaller I dress to be noticed.
When I'm bigger I just want to wear comfy clothes, if I'm going out - the question is 'is this acceptable?'
When I'm smaller the question is 'both outfits are good, which outfit looks better?'
I'm quite the opposite. I'm gaining confidence in myself every day and therefore always putting my best foot forward.
You seem to have some prefectionist qualities to your personality. Nothing wrong with that! But it can drive a person insane. It's part of that all-or-nothing thinking that so many of us dieters fall into. You are ALL in this and you are determined to make yourself perfect in the processes.
You seem to have some prefectionist qualities to your personality.
You could not have described me better. On one hand I have that to thank for many of my accomplishments, but on the other it has cause some issues in my life. It is something I have become more and more aware of and am trying to use it where it's appropriate and push it away when it's not positive or enhancing my life.
I have definitely have those tendencies too. My children have lessened them for me! LOL! I've had to let many, many...oh so many...things go.
When I was a young kid, my crayon box was opened neatly along the perforated line, each crayon was put back in exactly the same spot as the manufacturer put it and the tips were kept at a point, or it was time to get a new box. I drove my mom crazy with my coloring books. I loved to have her color with me, but each page had to be colored in sequence, no skipping around. If you didn't like the next picture it just had to be endured.
But my children? They tear into the crayon box and I finally just stuck them all in a ziplock bag. Whatever works. And horror...they rip whatever page they want to color!!
I'm pretty sure I'll have this same reaction when I finally lose this weight - having been heavy my whole life, it's been like literal insulation from other people's judgments. If they didn't like the way I looked, my personality, my work, my sense of humor, etc., I would just tell myself, "Well, they obviously have a problem with fat people," and never see it as a remark on "me." I could tell myself, "If I were thin..." and move on, tell myself not to take it personally. When the weight is gone, I'll no longer have that self-protection, and I'll have to deal with those comments/reactions as they come. I have a feeling that I'll have a tough time dealing with this...hopefully, I can reach the point you seem to have reached
A lot of people think that when they reach their goal weight/maintenance, that the journey will become easier or even end. That could not be more far from the truth. Maintenance, for many people, is a lot harder than losing weight. When you are losing weight, you see maintenance as the light at the end of the tunnel where your problems will be solved, yet it isn't. It is a romanticized vacation that is still GOOD, but it isn't quite what you expected. Yes, there is sun and sand, but there is still early morning wake ups, checking in at the desk, dragging your luggage around ~ all things you didn't plan for when you envisioned your wonderful destination
Self-esteem issues is some of that baggage. We think that when we are slim and healthy, that we will no longer be self-conscious of our bodies and no longer need to worry about what others think. As you've discovered, it's not true!
That's pretty funny Eliana, I used to do the same thing with my crayons. Having my son has helped a lot, it's made me realize that some things just aren't important or as important as I thought they were. The last two years have been so wonderful and gone by so fast that if I allow myself to get too caught up in my insecurities I'm going to miss some important stuff.
Maintenance is a lot harder than I thought, but it's getting easier every day and it's all so worth it. I was one of those who thought weight loss would solve all my problem, but in the end it's just the beginning of the journey.
Epiphany...
Nothing wrong with that! But it can drive a person insane. It's part of that all-or-nothing thinking that so many of us dieters fall into. You are ALL in this and you are determined to make yourself perfect in the processes. 
