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I have my 1st counselling session in over a year on Monday. I am unbelievably scared. Now I'm wondering if I even really need to go. I have tried 2 other times in my life & never stuck with it. The 1st time, I didn't like the therapist. The 2nd time, I loved the therapist, but she & her family moved to another state. I was devastated - it has taken me a year to get up the nerve to call the therapist she recommended.
For anyone who has (or is) done therapy, I'm curious about how you get started. How did you identify your goals? Or did you? How do you not feel like it is a waste of time & pointless? Did you feel better right away? Or did it take awhile (or did it not work)? How about your relationship with your therapist - how do you know if it is a good fit? What about confidentiality? Was it hard to open up to someone about things you may have never said before?
I'm a wreck. I can't even fill out the full new patient intake info - - I don't want to write anything down on paper.
Your thoughts & experiences are appreciated.
Thanks.
I haven't been to a therapist for myself but my husband and I have gone and they are so wonderful. I was so terrified our first time but we really did enjoy the visits and it's helped so much.
You are doing a great thing for going, and the fear of the unknown is weighing on you, but you will see it's going to be great
Sounds like you are full of anxiety, anyway, may as well dump it on a therapist
Maybe you can come up with the goals in the first few sessions?
Ask for measurable, time based goals, as opposed to endless talking sessions. A friend of mine recommended that to another, seemed to help focus the sessions.
Last year I went though six months of therapy, and doing it was one of the best decisions I've made in a long time. I'm in grad school right now, so I was able to do counseling though the university. The first meeting was with someone who I described what my issues were and then I was placed with someone who would (hopefully) be a good fit.
As for how I decided to start, I knew I need to for a while, but keep putting it off, half out of fear and half out of feeling like a failure. Eventually though, I was forced to realize that if I didn't do something I was probably going to ruin my chances for graduating and getting the degree I need for my career. Not only that, I was at the point that my depression/anxiety was interfering with my health (weight gain and insomnia) and person hygiene (went months without brushing my hair, stopped bathing and brushing my teeth regularly). I wish now that I had gone earlier, but what's done is done and regrets help nothing.
I had a general idea of my goals before I started, and they were directly related to my symptoms. I knew that I was depressed, and that I have also been dealing with anxiety issues such as panic attack and avoidance for 10+ years. My first desire was to deal with the depression, since I at least knew how to function with the anxiety. When I started though, my therapist helped my make these goals more specific and achievable by making more smaller goals.
I never really felt like it was a waste of time, and I know it helped me a lot. And, no I didn't start feeling better right away, other then the relief that can come from actually getting help and starting. I never took any medication, and working though issues that can have their roots decades back takes time. Its a process that, for me, help me also feel more comfortable with my therapist, which in turn helped her help me more.
I'm not sure how to explain the fit with my therapist, and to be honest I tried not to think about it much. That's not to say that I don't think it was a good fit, it was, but I was afraid that if I dwelled on it too much, it would mentally push me away from her and I didn't want that. Like, if I worried about it too much, I knew I would probably start looking for reason to not like her and thus not have to go. I mean, if it feels wrong, it feels wrong, but for me there was not super amazing 'connection' when we first met. I think a therapist is like any other doctor, you should feel a professional type of comfort, but they are not your best friend.
I'm pretty sure that any therapist will have you sign a something about confidentiality, that basically says that they only reasons they would break it is if you are going to harm yourself or someone else. Everything else should stay in that room. After a few sessions I didn't have much problem talking to her for that reason. She had no part in my real life and was never going to, so I could say whatever I wanted or needed. For me, it was much easier to talk to her about some thing for that reason, whatever I said was not going to have long term effects on my relationship with her like it would my friends and family, because she was my therapist, nothing more nothing less.
I know how scary it can be, but it can help. Since your other therapist that you liked so much recommended this person, maybe you can trust that they know you well enough to send you to someone they really thought you could be successful with.
Hi Cherylmn, First of all let me say that this is a really good move, getting to chat over the things that are worrying you is all good! As for what to get out of it, your counsellor is usually the one who will steer you into the correct path and get you talking about things.
I have had two lots of counselling myself having suffered from severe depression all my life and it was the best thing I ever did. I was totally amazed at her ability to get me talking about things that I was not even aware were at the root of my feelings. I now feel so much better and she got me to view things in a much more positive manner.
Hope you get the help you want and need.
All the best.
I have been seeing my therapist for about 2 1/2 years now and it has honestly been the best thing I've ever done for myself. However, I know it wouldn't have worked if I didn't have a good relationship with her. My advice is to make a list of characteristics and qualities you want in your therapist. I knew I wanted someone who specialized in the issues I was dealing with and didn't have any religious affiliation tied in with their counseling.
Another thing that has really makes it work for me is that every time I go in for a session, I am completely honesty about everything that I am feeling and that is going on in my life, no matter how bad it is. Because if you go in there and try to make things sound not as bad as they really are (and believe me I have done it), you get nothing out of it and you don't get any better.
I encourage you to at least go to the first meeting to see what this therapist is like. Maybe you will feel a connection or comfortable with him/her. All I know is having someone objective to talk to about my life is a really, really positive thing in my life.
I really wish the best for you!
[QUOTE=cherylmn;3502450]I have my 1st counselling session in over a year on Monday. I am unbelievably scared.
--You've done one of the hardest parts, you actively reached out for help. I've gone to therapy on and off for about seven years and it's still scary sometimes. It's hard work and it sucks much of the time but the results, for me, are relief from carrying my emotional burdens all by myself. It's like sharing the pain lightens the load.
Quote=How did you identify your goals? Or did you? How do you not feel like it is a waste of time & pointless?
--My first two therapists didn't really discuss goals with me. They just, I guess, were doing some sort of word association... one memory leading to another and so on. My current therapist suggested areas of work that she felt would benefit me and has encouraged me to be active in my healing - I like this form of therapy much better.
Quote = Did you feel better right away? Or did it take awhile (or did it not work)?
--There are some great in the moment realizations, there are some hours that were probably a bit of a waste, but also - I can only now see the benefit of some therapy sessions that happened years ago. So, for me, yes-yes-yes/no
Quote: How about your relationship with your therapist - how do you know if it is a good fit? What about confidentiality? Was it hard to open up to someone about things you may have never said before?
--I researched for therapists with experience in anxiety and panic. Those were the issues I knew I had to figure out. Then I learned about all the issues underlying my panic/anxiety... You may not have chemistry with your first second third therapist. Do you want ease/safety or do you want someone that pushes you - think about what you think you'll need from the therapist in order to do the work you need to do to heal. I needed ease at first and then I moved on to another therapist because I needed to be pushed a bit.
Quote: I'm a wreck. I can't even fill out the full new patient intake info - - I don't want to write anything down on paper.
--You've done great by making the appointment. Maybe fill out the paperwork without your name until you get to the appointment. Or fill it out with the therapist at the appointment. Some of your work might be trust - you're protecting yourself by not filling out the paper, perhaps, and that could be what you two discuss in your first session.
You're taking a big step to take care of your mind, heart and spirit. I wish I had done it sooner than I did - but like someone on this list said, there's no point in such regrets. I'm just glad I didn't wait any longer
I just wanted to thank all of you for your kind & encouraging words. I went this morning and feel like I'm going to work well with this therapist. Since I had done a bit of work a year ago, we were actually able to hone in on the issue(s) really quickly. I understood & agreed with her assessment, and appreciated her honest perspective on what realistic goals for us should be.
So, now on to the hard work. It wasn't fun, but it is a start. I've scheduled 2 sessions with her, so that is good (best if I just have them on the calendar & do not have to stop to think about making appointments).
This is going to take some time. I'm worried (of course) about the impact on my relationships. Hopefully, it is all good & I can clear some room in that crazy brain of mine.
Petrified...
