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Old 09-02-2010, 03:05 PM   #1  
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Unhappy Being sad while losing weight. All the time.

This is going to sound whiny but I'm trying my best to get my entire view across:
Today was my first day of school, junior year Highschool. As I was walking into the school my friend drove up and her grandma got out of the car and said "WOW you've lost a lot of weight! Enjoy today, everyone will notice!". That made me feel pretty good at first. I went into school and a few kids kind of stared at me for a while (kids I've been going to school with for a few years now) and then I go into homeroom and I get more compliments but then I go into my first class. To kind of break it down there's three teachers who are special-ed teachers and they all have study halls that are "supervised" where like they're more one-on-one with you and I had one of them last year, Mr.M. He's one of the best teachers I've ever had and part of his job is kind of like shadowing some of the other teachers so he walks into my first class and he sees me and he was like "You got skinny, your so skinny." But I said "No, no, no..." "You've lost weight." "Well I guess, thank you."
After that I started feeling kind of sucky. A few other people complimented, a lot of my friends and a couple of teachers, but I just got really sad. I mean I like the compliments, I like being recongized for all the hard work I've put into this but I mean...ever since I've started I've been depressed about this whole thing. I mean there's no negative energy going into this, I'm eating healthy now and I'm exercising regularly and none of that is out of hate for myself, it's out of wanting to be a healthier me but there's always this massive lagging sadness in me and no one seems to understand. I mean I don't want to be the size I was again, I wasn't happy then either, but I'm not exactly happy now.
I mean growing up I was taught to be ashamed of my body and being the size I was, how am I suppose to start loving something that's been given so much hate over the years? I don't know. I'm just...I just can't get my emotions up to where my physical progress is. I guess that's common, right? I'm not sure.
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Old 09-02-2010, 03:13 PM   #2  
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I've been sad too. But I was sad BEFORE I started losing too so I think that is different than what you are talking about.
I think this is probably one of those "it takes time" things. Hang in there!
Congrats on your incredible weight loss and all that hard earned attention!
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Old 09-02-2010, 03:19 PM   #3  
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I kind of relate to you with the compliments thing. They're extremely nice but for me (not sure for you, but this is what I'm kind of getting) I'm not proud of the fact that I got to the point where I was so working down from there is fine and we get really proud of ourselves. But the fact that we got there is nothing to brag about especially because there's deeper issues there and dealing with them can suuuuuuuck. And the compliments remind you that people did see you "then". That can make me sad sometimes.

Okay, no idea if that had anything to do with you, your story just reminded me of this whole idea I've worked out in my head recently about compliments.

So if all of that was irrelevant, I just hope you feel better about it and can eventually just focus on feeling great about the newer you!
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Old 09-02-2010, 03:28 PM   #4  
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Are you depressed in general or just depressed about the body image? If you're having a hard time finding happiness in all areas of your life, I would suggest talking to a therapist and possibly a doctor about medication for depression.

If you're just down about body image, welcome to the club, hehe. I also was never taught to feel good about my body no matter what size. I know girls who were much larger than me who absolutely loved their bodies. Their mothers would tell them they were beautiful, teach them how to wear clothes that flattered their bodies, and taught them that all women are beautiful no matter what the numbers on their clothes or on the scale are. My mother, on the other hand, constantly reminded me that I was a "big girl." Not really in a hateful way, I just always knew that I was a big girl and so I should look, act, and dress differently than the more desirable small girls. So my whole life, I have classified myself as a big girl, but I dreamed of being a small girl.

When you have that divided mentality of big = bad and small = good, you have expectations. I know I always thought that if I could get down to X lbs or X size pants, then my life would be wonderful. I would look like a Victoria Secret model, I'd be Miss Popularity, and everything would just be perfect. Well ya know what? Now I am 128lbs and wear a size 2, but my life is far from perfect. Not that it's bad, don't get me wrong, but I still have the same shy personality, I still feel awkward and bumbly, and I sure as HECK don't look like a Victoria Secret model. My boobs are fairly deflated, I have a flat butt that still manages to have fat dimples on it, I still have a poochy tummy, etc.

I am learning to love and accept myself. It was a wake up call to get to my goal weight and realize it didn't solve all my body issue problems. If I had started out as one of those girls who loved myself no matter what and just wanted to get healthy, it might be different. Instead, I started out as a girl who hated all my flaws. Now I'm still a girl who hates all my flaws, I just have different flaws to hate, lol.

Also, I'm glad that you enjoyed the compliments on your weight loss. Sometimes they bug me and even bum me out. I would appreciate it more if people would say "you look great!" rather than "wow, you lost so much weight! How much did you lose?" I just want to be thin-Megan, not used-to-be-chubby-but-lost-a-lot-of-weight-Megan.

So yes, I think what you're feeling is normal. You're realizing that being smaller won't solve all your problems. Even recognition from other people for your achievement won't make you feel like you want to. I know this is really cheesy and cliche, but you need to do a bit of soul searching and find that the happiness is in you. You can CHOOSE to be happy. You can choose to look in the mirror and pick out 10 flaws or 10 features you love. You can choose to go through the day thinking about things that annoy you or make you sad or you can choose to find simple happy little things. For every negative thought that pops in your head, think of 5 positive ones.

It does take some practice, but I think happiness is a conscious choice.
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Old 09-02-2010, 03:30 PM   #5  
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Here is the answer, when I had bariatric surgery, I was put on an anti-depressant because I would be losing my best friend...FOOD. The kind I like to eat and pig out on. That may be part of it. Being sad is one sign of depression, seek help with your doctor.
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Old 09-02-2010, 04:07 PM   #6  
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I agree with Megan, it's distorted expectations. I came back to school this year (I'm a teacher, not a student... lol) and I got a lot of complements, and it was great, but I expected my weight loss to fix everything. But really it only fixed one thing, my weight. My self image is still the same, my feeling of akwardness is still the same.

We all have to remember, that people pay a lot less attention to us than we think. We're only the center of our own world. Everybody else is too busy with themselves to really think about us as much as we think they do. I think maybe your expectation of how your 1st day back was going to go didn't live up to the reality of how it went and that gap is why you're sad.

Basically, we've all been there, brush it off and be happy for what you've accomplished! You don't need medication, just work on your outlook and know that this too shall pass.

Good luck, sweetie!
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Old 09-02-2010, 06:28 PM   #7  
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Bunnythesaint, at one level or another, we can all relate to your feelings.
mkendrick, you did such a good job at saying pretty much what I was thinking on this subject!!
I agree with others, that it would be important to determine wheather your sadness is only related to weight issues, or it might be a more profound problem, in which case it would be important to discuss it with your doctor. Clinical depression, for example it a very serious condition (I live with a mother that has suffered from it all her life).

For me, the struggle has been to understand that loosing weight was not a passport to happiness. Since we are young, we are bombarded with images of how "pretty women" should look like and even though we can rationalize this concept and understand this is not true, many of us have fallen into this trap many times.

At 45, it's taken me all this time to pursuit a healthy weight & life style for the right reasons(and yet this is still a constant internal fight).
Recently I wrote down a sort of mission statement to define why I want to be healthy, here it is:
"To be able to live a fulfilling physical, intellectual, spiritual, & emotional life life, by taking care of my body (through healthy eating and exercise), challenge my mind (by constantly learning & exposing myself to new ideas) replenish my soul (by looking & appreciating God in all things and situations) and by nurturing the people I love and that loved me, every day"

Congratulations on your weight loss achievements so far, and also, good for you for taking the time to share this feelings with others and look for support.



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Old 09-02-2010, 08:27 PM   #8  
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I had another thought, maybe your feeling some grief at letting go of the old you, despite the mixed emotions the old you brings up. It's a way of being, a physical state that you're moving away from. and it's probably a little scary figuring out who the new you is. exciting too, though, right? good luck with everything

Last edited by dragonwoman64; 09-02-2010 at 08:27 PM.
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Old 09-03-2010, 02:37 PM   #9  
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Thank you everyone. I'm seeing a therapist on and off for a while now and it's been for something like...five or six years the same person and a few times she's mentioned depression but since we've never really gone in depth in it I've never really thought about it. I do feel sad to let go of the old me, a little bit, because I was that way for so long so...I guess what dragonwoman is saying makes sense. I really appreciate all the answers, I really really do so thank you everyone.
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