I'm freaking out about having to go run errands because I absolutely despise being out in public. I get nervous and panicked and feel like there's a huge flashing neon sign above my head that reads hey, look at the fat girl, she's trying to be normal.
Uhg. I almost think it's gotten worse since I've lost 50 pounds. I change my clothes a dozen times because I feel so uncomfortable in everything and I look at myself in the mirror and just see a disgusting blimp. My legs almost look bigger to me! (Though I think that might be because my butt has gotten smaller and they haven't. I'm so oddly proportioned.)
But I KNOW that I'm not -that- below average. And I know I'm not so big it would shock anyone. But I have this irrational little voice in my head that says I'm a hideous cow and should hide from all the normal people.
But there are things I want to do. I want to go out. And I want to have fun. I really wish I could just do what I want and not care. But I can't make this feeling go away.
I get nervous and panicked and feel like there's a huge flashing neon sign above my head that reads hey, look at the fat girl, she's trying to be normal.
Hi bunneh...
First of all - CONGRATS! - you've lost 52 pounds!!!!!!! THAT'S AMAZING!!!! Sometimes it just helps to remind ourselves of our SUCCESSES!!!
Everything you're doing IS in fact VERY NORMAL. Running errands? who doesn't do that? Skinny folk, fat folk, young folk, old folk, the beautiful, the rich, the poor, the ugly, the mothers, the husbands, the dog lovers, the cat haters, the sane & insane.... WE ALL run errands.
You're at 178 pounds according to your ticker. Guess what? I'm 175 (180 today, UGH! -stupid water weight!!!!)
I feel like you do sometimes! Like NOTHING in my closet even comes close to looking good on me, like every time I'm in public there's SOMEBODY pointing at the fat chick, and thinking (or saying!) "OMG what's that in her basket? Is that... ICE CREAM!?!?!? No wonder she's fat!!!!" I even sometimes think I need to justify my purchase (it's my husband's favorite) can you imagine??? Like it's anybody's business anyway!...But I've come to realize that I judge myself far more harshly than others could ever possibly, and I try to keep in mind that most people really are wrapped up in their own world/problems and waaaayyyy too busy to notice me & mine.
I don't know if that helps you any, but it helps me to realize that I am not the center of the world - fat or skinny - doesn't matter! - most people really are not worrying about anyone but themselves.
Olivia- Please, if you have any pics of yourself before you started your journey....get them out and look at them! That's an order!! You've done a great job of getting yourself healthy and you deserve to feel good about yourself for that.
However, if this is something that continues to bother you, I encourage you to talk to someone about it. A fear of going out in public can be a sign of agoraphobia and you don't need that. You need to be out enjoying life!
I actually feel the same way you do, since I recently gained 35 pounds in about 6 months, and have slowly been getting it off.
I feel humongous compared to how I used to look, and often times don't want to go outside. Thankfully I have a job so I have to go outside, but I still feel like people are staring at me because of how fat I look. Even though I know people don't really give a dame about me, so their probably not looking at me anyway.
Something that had helped is I recently bought a waist cincher that has really sucked a lot of my fat in, and makes me feel more confident
Sorry I can't really offer any advice, I understand how you feel though.
I totally understand what you're going through. We're the same height, at my biggest I was a little heavier than you, I'm about your weight now and we have the same goal weight. When I was heavier, before I realized it was a problem, I never thought about my weight a bit, I just went on with life. Now that I'm concious of it though, it's definitely worse for me, even though I'm much thinner. Sometimes it takes awhile for our brains to register that we're not that same fat girl anymore; you're definitely smaller, no matter what trick your sense are playing on you.
Losing 50+lbs is amazing, focus on that and feel proud of yourself! And believe me, other people are not as focused on what you weigh or what you look like as you are.
I completely understand how you feel. I feel the same way. For whatever reason in my head I'm still carrying around my a fat suite. I'm just as heavy as I was when I started and even though I can see the differences from when I started to lose weight to now, I still feel like a cow.
I have a friend who lives in another state who's been asking me for pictures and I haven't shown him any until last night. Yesterday I went and tried on some clothes and I loved this one outfit so much I sent the picture to my mother, when I told him this he asked if he could see it.
I didn't know what to do, for whatever reason I was terrified he'd see I was a fat cow and stop talking to me. But I showed him anyway, and he actually said to me 'you're not fat at all', and I felt better.
But in public I feel like people are watching me eat, they watch me get winded and they are as disgusted by me as I am of myself. I feel ashamed when I'm out there.
But slowly I'm getting over it, and you should do. I would LOVE to be in the 170s, I hate this 190 struggle.
I think it takes some time for your mind to catch up with your appearance. I actually have noticed that I feel fatter in lower weights and thinner in higher weights. I think it's my mind protecting me from feeling too horrible about my appearance at higher weights. Does that make sense? Either way, ask yourself why you care so much about what others think? Let's assume that they are all staring and judging (which I am sure they aren't), so what? You are a human being and you have the right to fun and life as anyone else. You deserve to do whatever it is you want, as long as you're not hurting anyone. I hope you feel better soon. I agree with posting pictures. It will help you see the differences. Finally, if you are disproportionate, you can wear clothes that accentuate your best features. Try to Google that and see what works best for different body types. Best of luck to you.
Hey- first, congratulations!!!! on your weight loss. You've accomplished a lot. And your mind is trying to get used to the "new you" so it's understandable that you would feel a little uncomfortable in your own skin right now. And while some people are definitely cruel and stare at people who are heavier or otherwise different, your current weight is not that far from "normal". I don't think anyone would stare at you, except maybe to appreciate what they see.
I've got a friend who was 205 and is currently 177 and I think she looks curvy and beautiful. Her boyfriend thinks so too! When I'm feeling more generous to myself, I can see improvements due to the 20 lbs I've lost, but like you I still have trouble being as nice to myself as I would be to other people. I do like the fact that my "fat pants" are starting to feel loose.
Try some positive affirmation. I like the idea someone posted about dragging out your before pictures and compare them to some current pictures. I think it's easier to see the changes in photographs than in the mirror. So drag out them photos!
Sweetheart, you're less than 30 pounds from your goal. Nobody else is looking at you like the fat chick. When other people see you, I assure you they see a normal woman.
I used to be so confident and outgoing, especially when I first met my husband. Now I feel horrible. I never want to go out, I'm soft spoken and timid and unsure of myself. I HATE it! I'm not that person!! I don't know what happened but I feel so blah.
You might want to look into getting some therapy if you literally feel it's hard for you to leave the house.
Also maybe get some new clothes? Your old clothes might be hiding the new you! And one more thing- get a haircut- a haircut changes how we see ourselves so dramatically IMO it might help!
I did look up a few pictures I took of myself about 50 pounds ago and it seriously put stuff into perspective. I COULD NOT BELIEVE how huge my arms were. I look at my arms now and think they are like the biggest things ever, but they must have been about twice as big back then. I don't get how I didn't really see how big I was? That I took up SO much space. I mean, I knew I really needed to lose but was I half blind or something? I was so shocked that I put on the same shirt I was wearing in the pictures and look my laptop to the bathroom mirror with me. Unbelievable.
I think part of my problem at the moment is the way I'm so disproportionate now. I was really big back then but I was big all over and nothing stood out to me. But It seems like I'm losing weight one body part at a time (the ones I don't care as much about, no less) and instead of noticing stuff getting smaller, I look at the rest of me in comparison and it all looks gigantic.
I hate going outside. I hate feeling like this.
I change my clothes a dozen times because I feel so uncomfortable in everything and I look at myself in the mirror and just see a disgusting blimp. My legs almost look bigger to me! (Though I think that might be because my butt has gotten smaller and they haven't. I'm so oddly proportioned.)
Sometimes it just helps to remind ourselves of our SUCCESSES!!!
I was so shocked that I put on the same shirt I was wearing in the pictures and look my laptop to the bathroom mirror with me. Unbelievable. 
