Loved ones say you are obsessed with dieting/weightloss?
Hi everyone,
I've been noticing that loved ones are suggesting that I am (overly) obsessed with dieting, exercise, and weight loss overall. In particular, that I spend too much time thinking and talking about it. There are some other things, but I think the mental preoccupation is the biggest issue. I have lost quite a bit of weight, but have 20-30 pounds left that I want to lose.
I'm wondering if others have been perceived this way and how they addressed it. I do agree--to some extent--that I am overly obsessed, but I also feel like explicit control has been important to my weight loss. So, paying attention to all the details (which necessarily takes time) seems like it's been a huge part of my success. I see it as a trade-off (I may be preoccupied with food and exercise, but it is working, so it's worth it).
My actual dieting and exercise habits are not out of the ordinary. I try to work out 6 times per week and eating 1200-1400 calories per day (1 day off for enjoying whatever I feel like having, usually eating out somewhere or snacking more).
I am with you on this!!!
actually my biggest critic is my bf he is always making comments like ugh u cant skip the gym for 1 day... NO i cant lol I want results!
But I think maybe people think we are too into it and too focused on it only because they don't get that is what helps keep us on track!
Great job you look awesome keep up the good work
I agree and found that you have to be almost obsessed with the process...I don't think I've actually bugged family members that much yet, but definitely some co-workers.
I think that's why I came here too, lol-to relieve them from some of the impact.
I actually read a psychological study which stated that a certain amount of obsession is necessary to successfully diet. In fact, when people stop dieting because they have reached their desired weight, this obsession ends (in other words, their extreme attention to the details of their weight loss are no longer important) and they gain the weight back, "without even realizing it."
Dieting takes a LOT of mental attention and energy. Maybe you need to start changing your internal dialogue 'a bit' and communicate this to those around you. Instead of talking about "needing to still lose 20 - 30 lbs" - which as we all know, tends to lead to eating disordered behavior, as 30lbs becomes 40 lbs, then becomes 50 lbs - instead, start thinking about how you want to be the healthiest you. You want to feel your best. You desire to have a healthy body that matches how you feel you are on the inside.
I think if you communicate these positive thoughts, then it could alleviate some of their worries. Now, you are talking about a healthy, positive goal - not about losing a certain number before you reach happiness (which is probably how they hear it).
I was just thinking how much time I spend thinking and planning about exercise/ weight loss issues. To someone who has never struggled with weight or never had to deal with it, they just don't understand.
You spend time on things that you care about. I'm always going to be thinking about the food that I eat and how to be healthy. When I wasn't thinking about it was when my eating was out of control.
Well, maybe you do talk about it too much. To people who aren't struggling with weight, it can be boring to hear about it all the time, and it does start to seem like obsessive to them. Think about someone whose hobby is, say, building model ships, and all they ever talk about is their latest ship model down to how many guns on the port side. It might seem like they are doing nothing else and it's their only interest in life.
You have to be focused and mindful, but you don't have to share every detail all the time. Just for what it's worth.
I think it's pretty common for those of us who have been at this awhile to hear that at some point from friends and/or family. All you have to do is look around you to realize how few people give any thought at all to their food choices so the focus and planning it takes to lose weight and maintain a weight loss may seem obsessive to others. That's where not thinking and planning got me.
In my experience the people closest to me and most likely to hear my almost daily food planning, exercise scheduling, are just used to it now (like I'm used to hearing DW go on and on about little programming things or my Mom talk about her gardens). I don't share that with others unless they ask for help/suggestions. That's what I have 3FC for
I like to refer to this now being my hobby rather than obsession.
Also, having 3FC has helped alot with NOT talking about it in real life except when asked. However because I've lost so much, it's nearly the first thing friends and family ask me about when they see me. But we've almost gotten used to this exchange and move on to other subjects pretty quickly.
I've been told the same thing only my weight loss hasn't been as noticeable so I usually get people giving me pitiful looks when I say things which makes me kind of depressed sometimes. I think I'm doing good and I can feel and see the difference already even if some of my friends and family can't. My grandma and my sister kept saying I was pretty big but if I work harder I will see the fat come off eventually keeping in mind that I've lost about 20 pounds in a month I was hoping people would be a bit more encouraging but I figure they are trying to be helpful. My BF came over and made us dinner the other day and he got annoyed with me calorie counting. He didn't like measuring at all and he thought it was annoying that I would include every single thing in there even if he only put "a little bit." He shot me a look like I was acting crazy or something. Oh well though what can you. The results are what matters in the long run.
I'll tell you, I'd much rather be obsessed with becoming healthy than going back to being obsessed about the next thing I wanted to gobble down. It beats the heck out of feeling like I'm stuffed inside myself, worrying about if I was going to wake up or not due to being obese, worrying about having a heart attack after having an extremely high fat meal because I was having chest pains and shortness of breath. Jeez, that list could go on.
I've been confronted about being obsessed with weight loss before too but I just give them that same response and it really seems to quiet them. I'm still obese but I feel so much better because I'm not eating all that junk anymore.
I get so frustrated with people, they complain for you to do something about your health and then when finally you do something about it, they complain that you're doing too much. I've just gotten to the point that I tell them to mind their own business!
I've definitely been "obsessed" with weight & weight loss - ALL. MY. LIFE.
But weirdly enough, only my mother has ever known it or recognized it. You'd think, with a LIFETIME of obsession over the SAME thing, more people would notice. Humph.
I"ve had the same reaction with some friends/family members.
I don't consider it obsessed in my case (im not sure how much you talk about things or bring them up so I can't really compare) but with me I've told them it's not obsession with 'getting thin' the difference is now I'm not afraid/ashamed/embaressed to talk about what I'm doing and what I'm changing in my life, I'm proud of it, so yes . . I'll put it out there in the open. i can't pretend I'll keep on plan and on track in 'secret', that doesn't work.
Thank you, everyone, for your great feedback and solidarity. I feel a lot better about this and have some good ideas that I'll apply. When I wrote this post, I was feeling down on myself, because I was thinking..."look, I have done so well and I'm finally taking care of my body, and now I'm being told I'm taking care of it too much?!" (I really resonate with what you said, hpnodat. I was feeling like this battle will never end, whether I'm fit or not. Now, I think it's much more a matter of considering what I share and with whom...and addressing the obsessive thinking when it interferes with my life. I think mindfulness will help, as well as focusing on whether my thoughts are productive or perseverative (and quitting then when they are ruminations). In the long run, this can only help make this a life-long habit.
So, because I am so thankful for all your feedback, here is my personalized responses. Seriously, as I write this, I realize that I really took quite a bit from everyone! I appreciate you all, so much! So, now it becomes a long, long rant.
tryn2bfit: My biggest critic has been my BF, too. I think it's because he sees it all the time. It makes me laugh because he is going to be next to benefit from all this weight loss (second to me, of course). I think you are right that explaining to our loved ones that the focus helps us stay on track is a good idea. And, like I said above, if it worries him...I don't need to share all the details. That's what you are here for! (Thanks for that perspective, Luddy, CyndiM, and caryesings). Similarly, like Matt_H said, when he has lost weight, it hasn't been a struggle. He goes to the gym and the pounds drop. It's just a much easier battle for him, so I think he sees my obsession as a waste out of lack of understanding.
Bonnie: Thanks for reminding me to focus on healthy goals, rather than numbers. In all honesty, I'm not actually focused on losing 20-30 pounds. It's just easier to type it that way. When I feel good about myself and my body, I'll lay off and focus on maintenance. But, I do have to catch myself sometimes getting over-focused on the numbers instead of believing in the process. I think part of their "worry" about me is really that it's just annoying to listen to someone talk about a hobby they don't have. Just like JayEll said. For example, my mom who also wants to lose weight loves hearing my tips. My boyfriend, he's had enough.
niafabo: I'm sorry that some of your loved ones haven't helped as much as it sounds like they want to. Like you said, they probably aren't trying to sabotage your diet or make you feel bad. Keep believing in the process and yourself. Because, like you said, it's the results in the long-run that matter. And, if you can count on yourself for pulling you through this, then it will be a lifelong success. Keep up the great work! 20 pounds is awesome!!! And no small feat.
Coondocks, I agree we should be proud of ourselves rather than hide it (within reason, since I went a bit overboard), and Beach Patrol, maybe you want to take some of my friends and family, so they will notice ;-)
Loved ones say you are obsessed with dieting/weightloss?
