[honeythorn]

BINGE. I've eaten an entire bar of Galaxy cookie crumble. All 600+ calories of it.

All day the lads I work with have done nothing but be cruel to me, commenting on the size of my massive backside and how hilarious it is when I walk down the street as they pass me in their cars on the way home ( I am a natural speedwalker )

And I get so frustrated with myself because I can never ever think of anything to retort back at the time. I just have o stand and smile vaugely and shut everything down until I'm literally almost deaf and can focus my vision down to the small few feet around me as I work.

I was bady bullied for a decade as a child, my entire school years in fact, by the best friend of one of the lads I now work with. It's like being catapulted back to being 10 years old again.

And so on the way home I went into the £1 shop, which has a massive selection of branded sweets and chocolates, biscuits ect, and picked up 3 LARGE bars of chocolate. 2 galaxy and one nestle crunch. I ate one entire galaxy on the bus and immediately after I loathed myself for it. The remaining chocolate is on the shelf under my bedside desk.

I won't even acknowledge it's existance for weeks and then for no reason I'll have the whole thing in one go.


I feel close to tears and I can't seem to stop myself from doing this sort of thing. I really hate my body and I hate myself even more

[guamvixen]

Aww, my heart goes out to you! that's awful how people can be so mean. When I weighed my highest, and I would fall back into bad habits, I would find the strength to overcome it. Here's my advice, the left over candy you have, throw it away. Throw it away and don't go back to it! After I would fall off my program, I always felt worst. I know how guilty you feel, and don't let what people tell you hurt your feelings. At the end of the day, you are here, and you are trying to do something about living a healthier lifestyle! I wish you the best of luck! I'll let you in on some horrible experiences I had at my highest weight, to name a few:

In the elevators, people used to stand on the opposite side away from me and my thoughts was because they would try to balance the weight in the elevator.

I loved icecream, and when I'd go to my icecream shop, people used to stare at me with that "see, that's why she's fat" look.

At restaurants, I'd always get asked if I wanted dessert, and I always did.

I feel for you! It's hard, but just know that you are a beautiful person! Inside and out! Especially your eyes!! GORGEOUS!

[mommajen88]

Hi Honey,

Some people are just plain stupid. Their comments and attitude are a reflection of who they are as people . They are an embarassment to civilized people. To just say ignore them is a simplistic solution and doesn't necessarily make you feel better. Do you have any respectful workplace policies. I would be reporting behaviour like that to my human resources or union person and to my manager. You have the right to work unharassed. Please don't take this abuse.
Given your past history, their behaviour likely brings up old wounds for you. Have you ever thought of a bit of counselling just to help you move past the trauma? Even talking with other people who have overcome similar situations might help you.
I like to "nurture" myself with chocolate too. It is like being hugged from the inside . When I do soothe myself with food I try to decide ahead of time if this will make me feel better or worse once I eat it. If the answer is worse than I know eating the food will just be a form of destructive self abuse and try to talk myself out of it.
I say, just keep moving forward with your head held high. Find new ways to like yourself. And, throw out the remaining chocolates. Take care of yourself.

[bunnythesAINT]

Some people are just mean because they have no lives. No, seriously, it's true. Don't listen to them, they're not even worth you're time! BUT look on the bright side, you stopped after one bar! You were able to resist the other ones! A binge is never fun, my heart does go out to you, but the fact that you stopped at one if something I would never do in a binge!
And seriously, don't listen to those guys! They're not even worth your thoughts, they're just getting in your head and they don't deserve that!

[Cglasscock1]

honey,
I feel terrible for you. No one should have to endure such loathsome behavior.
If you do work with these dolts, I would ask your human resource person to set up a meeting with these idiots. And then I would tell them just how much they are hurting you. I'm dead serious!
Whatever happens, don't let them derail your efforts to gain control of your eating. If you do, then they win!! Take your years of bullying and turn it around into some positive action in your life. Everyone of 3FC would be so happy to help with support and advice if you need it.
I hope to see many more (and happy) posts from you!

[dewdrop1970]

So very proud of you for stopping after one bar! What power you had over the chocolate! That is inspiring in itself.

Please follow the advice on the previous posts~we are all rooting for you!