[Loving Me]

I've hesitated for a couple of days about whether to post or not because I'm mainly venting about feeling overwhelmed and panicky right now.
DD's school finishes for the summer holidays tomorrow for just over 6 weeks.
I began this journey on the 27th July last year so was only just easing myself into it during the school holidays, and really started to increase the workouts etc after.
Currently I go to the gym Mon-Fri while DD is at school and get my workouts done, then I sometimes go one day on a weekend depending on what we have planned. I find it easy to stick with my eating plan during the week when DD and hubby are both at school and work, but weekends are much harder because when I see them eating some things it's very tempting at times.
During the 6 weeks break we are also going away for two separate weeks in our caravan, the first one being this coming weekend.
SO, by Friday I need to have all my usual jobs done at home, my usual workouts, shopping and packing our caravan for a week away. I feel totally overwhelmed, like I've got so much to do and don't know how I'm going to get it all done. I can't say anything to hubby because I know he would say that I should miss a couple of gym sessions if I don't feel I have time for the other things, and that is NOT going to happen lol. So I'm just keeping my mouth shut, gritting my teeth and trying to stay calm although right now I feel totally overwhelmed.
But that leads me onto the panic I'm feeling. I am so used to going to the gym at least 5 days a week for at least 45mins, how am I going to cope over the next six weeks when I can't do that? I have the two weeks when we are away when I obviously won't be able to go to the gym at all which is freaking me out lol! I love going to the gym, some days are harder than others, but I feel so strong after my workouts and I get antsy when I don't go for some reason... I'm taking all my running kit on holiday with me and having researched the area we are going to for our first week it seems that, weather permitting, it should be good for me to go for a run every couple of days at least to keep me from going stir crazy. I'm also going to research the area for our second week and see how promising that is. Then there are about 10 days when DD is going away with MIL or my mum so I'm planning on having some mammoth gym sessions then. But the other two weeks hubby is going to be working and I've no childcare so I won't be able to go to the gym at all, unless I can go on a night once hubby is home and DD is in bed. I do have various exercise dvd's and the wii fit which I could do if I can convince DD to play in her bedroom for a little while, but I'm never motivated to do them on my own which is why I joined the gym in the first place. Plus I want to be able to do things with DD on those days.
And as for healthy eating, how can I stay focused for the next six weeks with two weeks holiday and the other weeks my routine being totally shot to bits?! I've thought about just trying to maintain my weight during this period, but I really don't want to do that. I still have almost 21lbs to go to my initial goal weight and I need to keep the momentum going if I'm going to get to goal before the end of the year which is my aim. It's like I have an angel and a devil in my head at the moment. The angel is saying, just treat it like normal, find some way to exercise everyday, eat on plan, just have your treat on a Friday night as normal, or change that to another day if necessary, but no more than one treat. Then the devil is saying, you're going on holiday for goodness sake, have a good time, you deserve a few treats and hubby and DD will think you're being a martyr if you say no to all the treats they're having, and as for the exercise, you deserve a rest!!!
See my problem? I'm just so scared that I'm going to lose control this first week we're away, and then not be able to get back on plan because of my lack of routine til DD goes back to school, and by that time I'll have piled the weight on.
I keep trying to ask myself "what do I want most" and in this moment I love feeling slim and wearing my new UK14 clothes more than any food, but then it gets so that hubby and DD are eating one of my favourite treats and I'm suddenly thinking "you can get back on plan tomorrow" and you know where that leads.... I really feel that I need to work through this somehow in my head before the weekend or I could be in trouble. I also need to get my head around dealing with holidays and changes in routine for when I eventually get to maintenance.

[beerab]

PHEW that was a lot. Okay first TAKE A DEEP breath!

Now I'd say that on your vacation if you have time to go for runs or if you are going to be staying at hotels, you might be able to take advantage of their gyms (not sure where you were going to vacation).

How old is your daughter? Does your gym have daycare? Some gyms do and if she's young enough she might enjoy that time.

Or is there any sort of groups she can get involved in where you can take her an hour or two a day and during that time you get your gym time in?

[nationalparker]

Sounds like you DO really have that angel and devil on your shoulder whispering to you ... And it sounds like you have good plans for some of the time.

Do you have a close friend that you might watch each other's children while you alternate and go to the gym - the kids get playtime with a friend and you each get your workout time?

Good luck - you have done great so far! Would they go for walks with you in the evening to partially "burn off" a bit of the treats they'll be indulging in? Sometimes I do feel better about myself when skipping something, but then other times, I just want to enjoy the same thing everyone else is and stop worrying about the calories (until I get on the scale the next day...)

[dragonwoman64]

I say go ahead and talk to hubby about feeling overwhelmed, and tell him how much the gym and maintaining your eating program and weight loss efforts means to you. Tell him you have a momentum going and that you feel really anxious. Give him specifics on how he can help you.

You've done an amazing job with the weight loss. I'm sure you can figure out how to handle this the way you need to to achieve whatever you want to do. If you need more support, more planning, more delegating, whatever.

[Vladadog]

For the time you're home why not get your daughter to do the Wii Fit with you. You probably won't get the same work out as doing it alone but it is really fun to play on the Fit with the kids. Mine love it when they beat one of my scores and we all try harder because it's more fun in a group.

[ubergirl]

I'm so sorry that you are feeling overwhelmed. I know exactly how you feel. Sometimes it seems almost "magical" that we somehow summoned the strength and perseverance that had always been lacking before and found a way to come this far....

I think we're like athletes who get on an amazing winning streak and get so superstitious that they have to keep eating the same thing for breakfast and wearing the same shirt that they refuse to launder, etc.

It feels like the success is sort of "miraculous" and since we have no idea "exactly" why the strength to succeed finally came to us, we also feel like it could be taken away at a whim.

Heck, I've been eating the same thing for breakfast every single day since June 19, 2009. In fact, on the rare occasions that I sleep through breakfast, I actually wait and eat my bread and peanut butter for lunch. It's pure superstition.

So, I GET that you are really worried about breaking your routine. The routine is working. And now the routine is threatened, and you are terrified....

So, to reassure you, I can tell you that for the last month, I've been completely off my routine, in fact, I'm not even home. I was worried about it too. Away from my gym, away from my fridge and my store and everything that helps me stay on plan.

I've had to switch to running outside, which sucks because it's bloody hot where I am and even if I wait until 9 at night the humidity almost kills me.

I live on fish at home and I can't get any decent fish where I am.

And I am alone-- traditionally that's the time when I make a beeline for the biggest bag of candy in the universe.

And you know what? I'm down seven lbs this month. I've been at this just over a year and I've discovered that my habits are adaptable and I CAN run outside and I don't have to eat fish, and most importantly, I no longer use being alone/lonely/in an unfamiliar place/ to binge my head off.

It is not some combination of lucky factors that has helped you lose 105 lbs. It is your determination, your fitness, and your food plan, and those are all portable.

You can DEFINITELY survive this, and not only survive it but hey, HAVE FUN!!! This is your first vacation as a thin healthy happy person.

Nobody can take that away from you.

[Athenacapella]

Wow, I can feel your anxiety. But I've soaked it up in a big sponge for you, and you can't have it any more. OK?

In all seriousness, I think you're being smart by thinking about the what-ifs. I lost a bunch and did not maintain it last year. (And I don't have kids!) One thing I would say for sure. No matter what, after these 6 weeks you have to come back here and post daily on how you're doing. Circle the date on your calendar. Commit to it.

Other ideas.

Is your daughter old enough to do any sports teams? You could walk/run around the field while she's there.

While on vacation, even if there is no gym, you can do some very basic toning exercises using just your body. Situps, pushups, lunges, squats, etc. You can also probably find some places to squeeze in some exercise. For example, if you're going to a museum and there are a ton of steps, why not race everyone to the top? (If you think they'd be game, you could go back down slowly and do it again.)

Perhaps you can make it a point to have a small treat once a day. So once you had it, then you know your done for that day but you could have something else the next day.

In any case, you're not going to gain 100 pounds in 6 weeks, and being so anxious is likely to make things that much harder for you. Just make SURE you get back here when your vacation is over.