[Chrys]

People tell me, Im fun to talk to, I brighten up their days, My childlike sense of humor is awesome. But I just cant see it.. today was a bad day and it never stopped spiraling downhill. Now Im sitting here because I can't sleep. Physically I hurt all over, which isn't necessarily new. Emotionally I just can't seem to stop crying. I think about myself and I hate myself and wonder what it is people really see in me, is it ME or is it someone I create to hide my misery filled shell? will I ever see what it is that makes me likable?

Im ranting I know but I had to get a tiny bit of it out. If I tried to put into words everything I would be here all night and this would be 50 pages long.

[Rosinante]

I can only offer a hug. People think I'm friendly, happy, sociable, trustworthy, great fun etc etc - but underneath is a great big hole that no-one sees. Most times, I just go along with the glittering image but yea, life when you remember the mask is a bit rough sometimes.

[Leenie]

Originally Posted by Chrys

Now Im sitting here because I can't sleep. Physically I hurt all over, which isn't necessarily new. Emotionally I just can't seem to stop crying. I think about myself and I hate myself and wonder what it is people really see in me, is it ME or is it someone I create to hide my misery filled shell? will I ever see what it is that makes me likable?

Im ranting I know but I had to get a tiny bit of it out. If I tried to put into words everything I would be here all night and this would be 50 pages long.

and Welcome,

Sorry you had such an awful day How often do you feel like this? would this be something you could discuss with your family doctor?

Leenie

[rianca]

I totally understand where u are talking about right now.
Im right here with you in this situation.
Even for me its harsh to say but, yes you did create a shell, and no ur
not able to break it as long as ur not feeling good. Neither do i.

Even tho you say you dont know why they find you funny, you also
say what they find funny bout you, so you do know. :P

And, no, ur not going to change as long as you dont feel save enough
to talk with your friends.

When you dont sleep you cry more, so try to go to sleep, like whenever you feel like trying. even if you only slept for like 2 hours, it works.
I sleep about 3 hours a day. keeps me going...

If you want to you can talk to me. im not sure how.. but.. we will see.

Good luck for now

[Lilstarrs]

I think that one of the most important parts of the weight loss journey is the self-acceptance part of the journey. I have been where you are now -- off and on -- for years. I know that my low self-image contributed to my weight gain, just as my weight gain contributed to my low self-image. So my decision to lose weight and become a healthier person has also included a decision to treat myself better emotionally, and to get the help I really need. So step one for me was going to see a therapist. I've been in therapy for six months now and while I haven't gotten a handle on the depression, I did get a handle on the anxiety and that's a great step forward. We're working now on the depression, in tandem with my weight loss frustrations.

I think we build shells for ourselves to protect ourselves because we're worried that people won't like who we really are. But usually, they will. And if they don't? Well. I'd rather be disliked for who I am than liked for some facade that's exhausting to keep up.

Best of luck to you.