[kmward]

HELP!! I fell off the wagon again! What the ****!! I know right. I don't know what happened. I was doing great. I honestly thought this was it. I thought I was actually gonna get it this time. I was 2 weeks into my program and hadn't even cheated. I was feeling good and actually seeing results. What happened? I am totally depressed. I feel like I failed again! I feel like I am gonna be fat forever. Like I am always going to be doing this stupid up and down crap. This was a rough couple weeks and I just turned to old faithful food. My husband and I have been having some issues, serious ones. That for sure is excuse enough to fall off the wagon. Then we got some even worse news. My father in law who has had a rough struggle this year with cancer in his esophagus. Well a couple weeks ago we found out it is back and now in his stomach lining. There is nothing they can do at this point and have sent him home with hospice and a month to 2 months to live. It is really devastating for our family. He is only 52 and I have very young kids that I have to tell they r going to lose their papa. I am a mess. The worst part is my husband is a mess. He didn't have a relationship with his dad until the past few years and now he is going to lose him. It is all just too much. I turned to the comfort I always have, stuffing my face with junk. I was lying in bed last night feeling sick from eating junk for dinner and even more depressed for y I am doing this to myself. Thinking about my father in law. He has been unhealthy for the last prob 20 years. He is just like me. Now because he didn't take care of his body it can't fight back. Now don't get me wrong I am in no way saying this is his fault. It is no ones fault when they get struck with this devastating disease. But in his case his doctors have told him for years something like this was going to happen if he didn't get it under control. He just couldn't do it, or wouldn't I dont know. It has hit home for me something fierce. I am doing the exact same thing. I am missing my life, my kids' lives because of this stupid selfish thing. I don't want to... no I won't put my kids through losing their mother to soon because I am to selfish to change. I know what it is like to not have a good mom. My mom was abusive physically and mentally. I didn't have a mom. She wasn't anything a mother should be, and it has affected my life greatly. I cant do that to my kids. They need, they deserve a good mom. They deserve the best mom. So please help me. I really have to get back on track, but I am struggling. If anyone has any tip PLEASE HELP!!

-kim

[KayNicole]

Kim- I am so sorry to hear about your father in law and the other stressful issues you are dealing with right now! I am an emotional eater so I know I would be having a horrible time as well. For one, don't beat yourself up about falling off the wagon or not doing enough over the past years. Take a positive twist that you are making a change for the future. There is nothing we can do about the bad things we ate or missed workouts so try not to dwell. I used to self-sabotage and beat myself up for missing workouts or binging to the point where I felt like I failed and gave up. Not anymore. I keep up with 3FC and joined the challenge threads, chat threads etc. It has really helped me stay focused and motivated.
Although you may not feel it, you are on the right path. You want a change. You can do this. You have amazing support right here on 3FC. You are worth it, your kids are worth it. You can do it.