I think my boyfriend has been a bit worried about me these past few months; he says there's a difference between being committed to losing weight and being obsessed.
And sometimes I think he has a point since it seems to be not only all I ever talk about, but all I ever think about anymore. But I feel if I don't obsess over it I'll find myself falling off the wagon all over again. I want to be healthier, I want to feel and look better; I've always been overweight as an adult and I want more than anything to lose at least another 50 pounds and feel "normal."
But there has to be something more interesting about me than just losing weight, right? But when it's all you can think about, is it really healthy?
I have moments where I think about this, especially when I'm with friends. Isn't there something else interesting about me to talk about besides weight loss? What did I talk about before? Or with my one dear friend who isn't at all physically fit...well what did we do before? No, she won't go on a 5 mile hike with me, so now what?
I think we'll settle into a new us and be able to balance ourselves better. For now, I consider myself a project and I have to give my all to myself. Fortunately I'm surrounded by people who get that. Even my afore mentioned friend is trying to lose weight...she just suffers from asthma so working out is more difficult than for me, so she's not at the five mile hike stage. Who is? LOL!
You need to know this about me: I've had an eating disorder. I am recovered, or as much as one can be. But my past history means I've actually got a line drawn, in my mind, that I'm always consulting. I watch to make sure my life doesn't get too narrow. I restrict my talk about it pretty much to these boards or one-on-one conversations with friends who initiate the conversations. There is a lot of self-examination going on. Always, I ask myself: Is this particular behavior (or choice) rigid, life-limiting, obsessive? Or: Is this behavior strict according to some American norms, but ultimately life-enhancing, and can I be flexible? Can I change things up? Can I allow an exception?
I am not the person who comes to these boards saying she hasn't been able to make herself exercise for a week & needs motivation. I am a person who exercises 10 weeks in a row, finds herself facing a missed exercise session because of a wedding or something & has to be soothed into believing it's okay, I can change my routine & enjoy the wedding & nothing bad will happen.
I'm on the borderline, if that helps you judge your own behaviors & choices. This is what the borderline looks like.
Eh, weight loss / fitness / health is a current hobby of mine, not an obsession. We're all weird about our hobbies. And honestly, I need a hobby or two to keep my mind occupied and off of my troubles. I have plenty of troubles, and I'd rather be "obsessed" with something I can actually positively impact (my weight and health) than with things I can't.
My husband and I do joke about my OCD need to weigh all my food precisely, though However, I see the weighing and measuring and counting as part of an ongoing scientific experiment related to the hobby of weight loss. It's not insanity, it's precision and care. And I won't always be like this about it...at some point, I won't want to lose weight any more, I won't need to experiment on myself, and I'll change how I do things so that I am less intently focused on weight loss itself.
You do have to focus on it, pretty intensely, to make lifestyle changes. There's nothing wrong with that. You are doing what you have to do to be healthy and completely change lifelong habits.
Could be that he's a little insecure too, as he sees you getting slimmer, healthier, and more confident and secure with yourself.
Last edited by mthrgoos68; 06-16-2010 at 05:52 PM.
Well, "obsession" involves a compulsive or anxious element. Is there one for you?
"Committed" is something else. And I think if you want to succeed at this, there's is an element of being dedicated with the exercise schedule, the food menu making, etc. But you can put it away on the back burner when its time for something else to come up front.
Was it two weeks ago that was national donut day? That day coworker's brought and offered donuts and each time I said "no thank you."
That afternoon half a donut was left and someone offered it to me. Again I said no and then someone jokingly said "don't get all anorexic on us."
I was like "I am NOT anorexic!" I was like seriously refusing a donut when I'm still more than 50 lbs overweight does NOT make me anorexic.
I try to not talk about it much honestly- and I do think about it a lot but I think NOT thinking about my weight is what got me here in the first place SO I'd rather be obsessed than uncaring. I'd only be concerned if you got to the point where you were avoiding all eating situations and acted like food scared you or something.
Honestly lately it's all I think about, but I'm trying to make a conscience effort to make it a general interest (health/fitness) instead of an unhealthy obsession. I'm trying to make a healthy cooking and finding new recipies a hobby and running a hobby as well. Also finding new exercises to tone my body. I really like to think about it as something I'm just interested in and I generally try to not bring it up unless someone asks, but sometimes it's hard especially now that I'm getting closer to my goal because like I said, it's all I think about. Sometimes 3FC makes it harder because I spend a lot of time here reading about it. So it's a fine line, a balance if you will that everyone needs to find for their own sanity.
You have to be a bit obsessed, to be honest. You can't half-*** losing weight, because it doesn't work.
I'm not speaking about anyone else here, but I have always been obsessed about food. Always. I never stop thinking about food. Even when I'm eating, or have just eaten, or woken up, or anything, food is usually on my mind. When I was fatter, this obsession led me to eat more. Now, my obsession with food is to make sure I eat the right types, or not too much of the wrong types. I may think about food more now I'm trying to lose weight, but my obsession is directed towards making me a healthier person, which is positive.
I have had people tell me I'm wrong or too obsessed, but in my case I don't pay attention to these people, because I feel that their problem with my weight loss is just that - their problem. They're either a bit envious of my success, or needlessly thinking I'm starving myself through ignorance of what it is I'm doing, or in one case, trying to gain attention for themselves by acting concerned. In your case, only you can know if your boyfriend has a negative motivation for his concern. I would hope it stems from love, and I also hope he's wrong to be concerned, but a little self-inspection is never a bad thing!
while I think it's important to maintain other interests and have other things to talk to people about besides weight loss, I do think a bit of healthy obsession is necessary to be successful at losing weight and maintaining that loss. And I try to limit being too narrowly focused with people who don't share this interest - using 3fc is a great way of being able to "talk" as much as I want about this and get it out of my system and then be able to share some of my other interests with a different group of people.
For me, being a mom is another "obsession" and I have a group similar to 3fc where I can share info and advice, ask questions and spend as much time being narrowly focused on the subject as I want to be, but not make people in the rest of my life have to share that focus.
To me, it's all about finding the right balance - to the original poster, I'd say to maintain your obsession internally but try to find other things to talk about and connect with your bf over (and then come here and obsess as much as you want! lol!)
Thank you for all the insightful replies, you've all given me a lot to think about.
I probably should have explained my history a little more . . .
I tend to be anxious in general, I have agoraphobia and am prone to anxiety attacks. I think I'm doing much better now than I was with it last year, anxiety-wise (as late as last year I was unable to leave the house alone due to unbearable and irrational worries). I believe I've had a history of eating disorders (undiagnosed) and I think that may be my boyfriend's main concern. I'm a partial carniphobe (I can't make myself eat most types of meat) and a fussy eater in general. About two years ago I went through several months of not being able to force myself to eat much (not that you could tell by my size) and several years back I believe I was on the verge of anorexia, completely obsessing over food and reaching a point where I skipped most meals and barely ate, sort of self-punishment and a control issue until I got too sick to walk.
And as for my boyfriend, he's not at all insecure (one of the very few people I've known who isn't and I greatly admire him for that), but I totally understand why such a question would be brought up. He's been very supportive with my decisions and doesn't balk at my food choices as long as he feels I'm doing something healthy and that I'm eating as regularly as I should. But I think it might be taxing on him that I've been so upset lately over not getting the results I want as opposed to how well I was doing late last year. I'm doing my best not to fall into the pattern of not eating again and maybe that's what worries him the most. I'm actually afraid to start calorie counting again because that seemed to spark the bad obsessions I used to carry.
It hasn't been easy but we have talked about this several times. I realize I have food issues. I think I'm handling them better than ever, or at least, better than all the years I preferred eating whatever I wanted instead of considering my health. I am still in the process of learning that food needs to be my friend, not an enemy or a lover . . . um, if that makes sense, lol. Because to me, it's been all of the above in the past.
And I do think I need to be a little obsessed . . . and maybe that's ok as long as I'm obsessing over the right things?
And more than anything right now, I think I need to see your replies and know that I've got people to relate to.
I try to keep my obsessive talking to here. I know my friends don't care about it and the BF is only interested in the results. HAHA.
He does get picky about it sometimes too though and thinks I over analyze things (Like the fact that I pick half the cheese off of everything or peel the breading off of items to try to reduce the calories in the meal).
I don't go out of my way to make our lives very different other than the fact that if I'm cooking, I cook healthier. He knows I'm dedicated because twice a day, I change my clothes and disappear to the gym for a couple hours and every now and then will rejoice over some sort of victory over the scale... But I try hard to keep the "us" part as normal as possible. We still order pizza, go out to eat, etc... but I will just have 1 piece of pizza, or I will insist on a thin crust instead of my favorite - the thick, bread-y, awesomeness. When we go grocery shopping, I get my food and he is more than welcome to eat what I get or get his own food that I will not comment on or make a big show about what I'm trying to do. I don't let him think I'm obsessed, just getting sexier - when in fact i'm SUPER obsessed!
The results will show when I'm looking fabulous and I only share the stresses with you guys!
I have had comments from my parents and some friends saying that I'm to focused on it and I talk about it to much and that I don't need to lose weight "don't go anorexic" etc! I don't think I ever could be!!! Just seems that they think I have lost enough, but I can see that I still need to lose weight and I am so terrified of putting it back on again since seeing some photos of me at my highest weight. I never realised how big I was D:
Ever been told you're "obsessed?"
Who is? LOL!
However, I see the weighing and measuring and counting as part of an ongoing scientific experiment related to the hobby of weight loss. It's not insanity, it's precision and care. And I won't always be like this about it...at some point, I won't want to lose weight any more, I won't need to experiment on myself, and I'll change how I do things so that I am less intently focused on weight loss itself.
