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Old 06-10-2010, 03:22 PM   #1  
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Default depressing - more weight i lose, more friends i lose

hey all...i just am frustrated and really hurt by some of the people around me. My cousin who I started this weight loss journey with (she ended up quitting early on) no longer talks to me at all, one of my friends who had gastric bypass and who I have been cheering on all through her 2 year journey (she still has a bit of a way to go) and have said nothing but good things to is always avoiding me....Also recently I saw some of my old high school friends that I knew when I was much bigger (in the 240s) and they really were not happy at all to see me -- I know I know I'm not supposed to care about what people think and just keep it moving but it still hurts. I have noticed that when I was much bigger (around 240) I had a lot more friends (i was always social, the person everyone went to for advice and have always had a self deprecating sense of humor - always poking fun at myself) but now I actually am taking care of myself I just feel I'm losing friends. For example the other day I complimented this girl I know about her dress and she said in a sarcastic way - its the only thing that could fit me not like u'd understand. i just can't believe people and it really hurts especially when I feel like I'm losing my friendship with cousins and friends--- I honestly still see myself as one of the fat girls, I still see myself as the same person.

But I have some really close friends that have been supportive so I'm thankful for that. But has anyone experienced this before? Do you feel people liked you way way more when you were bigger?
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Old 06-10-2010, 03:31 PM   #2  
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I learned a whole lot about human behavior when I lost weight. For example? I was dropped like a bad habit by my guy friends. I just didn't qualify for friend territory anymore (and some of their girlfriends had FITS when they saw me losing weight).

I also had very close friends downright refuse to acknolwedge what (to me) was a huge life changing alteration. It hurt. A lot.

But some of them get over it. It may take some time, but they will. This whole losing weight business really does bring out insecurity in others. They may also associate your body changing with your personality changing and they may not like it one bit. I know it became hard to sustain friendships with people when all we did before was go out and eat, you know? It just takes time.

Some of my friends didn't come around, but by the time I realized they wouldn't? I didn't care anymore.
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Old 06-10-2010, 03:42 PM   #3  
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I definitely know how you feel. Some of the people I was friends with when I was bigger I am not friends with anymore, not because of anything I did they just kind of stopped talking to me and avoided me. Also, I have noticed that a lot more people talk to me randomly and are nicer to me i'm not sure if its because I lost a lot of weight and look normal or because I became a little more confident

Dont worry though! Obviously they were not really good friends to begin with so you don't need them! Keep the supportive friends you have and don't let anyone bring you down
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Old 06-10-2010, 03:45 PM   #4  
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Hmm.... you've posted something similar before, no?

Well, your responses are going to be a lot about jealous and petty people who can't get past you having something they want. Or how people don't accept change, or that they want someone to "feel better than." So I won't go in to that.

Here's a different approach: is your fear of losing friends some how influencing the situation? Could it be influencing how you interpret a look, a phrase, a situation? Could it be in any way influencing how you are talking or acting around your friends?

Regardless, communication is the key, especially with people you are close to. Have you attempted to contact your cousin or friend who went through surgery? Ask them point blank if they have been avoiding you. At least get the conversation going. You might be surprised at what you'll here.
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Old 06-10-2010, 04:03 PM   #5  
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I agree with Gold32, it could be that you're presenting yourself differently and acting somewhat differently yourself because you are more confident and happier with yourself. There's nothing wrong with that, you've worked hard for this and should feel differently, but realize that maybe they are reacting to you differently not just because of how you look, but also because you are different now. Your attitude, your self confidence, and your self esteem are all improved.

However, you will definitely have some friends that are jealous, and that avoid you because of that. It's not your fault, it's just how some people are.

Enjoy your successes though and don't let others discourage you if they aren't able to be happy for you.
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Old 06-10-2010, 04:20 PM   #6  
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I have many people in my life, (mostly my family and people very much like family), who have been nothing but 100% supportive and my biggest cheerleaders. I'm so thankful for them....HOWEVER, I too have been shunned by a boat load of "obese" friends, and even a couple skinny ones. I think it's Kaplods who talks about the friendship hierarchy, and how we all fall into place on the ladder. Once someone upsets the balance it's hard for the others to adjust. (Forgive me if I really botched that up. ) I really agree with that especially after having maintained a large weight loss for nearly a year. Some people have just moved on, some have readjusted and some I found were actually unhealthy friends to have and so I have moved on. It's the circle of life I guess. You'll make new friends.

I remember way back when my Dad was in AA, I remember him telling us that the AA people told him he needed to chance his playgrounds and playmates to stay sober, (meaning stay away from bars and drinking buddies until he could handle it.) I have kind of adapted to the same rule...Though I stay away from the donut shop and my old binge eating friends who can't take no for an answer!

Last edited by Lori Bell; 06-10-2010 at 04:21 PM.
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Old 06-10-2010, 06:21 PM   #7  
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I only have 1 friend who I am not that close with anymore. She would never acknowledge anything about my life, especially when I started losing weight. It was always about her and her family. Yes it did hurt at first but sometimes people just grow apart.

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