I am comfortable with talking about being fat. I'm not blind, I know that i'm fluffy, this doesn't mean I'm comfortable with actually being fat. Anyhow, I've noticed with some of my friends talking about being fat or losing weight makes them uncomfortable. I make jokes about myself (not in a low self esteem way but in a haha lets make light of a tough journey) and they aren't able to roll with me.
So I wonder, do your friends have a hard time with you talking about being fat, fluffy, chubby or whatever you want to call it?
I once said something to a coworker about being fat (I think it was about how hard it was to find attractive, affordable and appropriate clothing for work), and she blurted out "you're not fat." I started laughing so hard, I nearly peed my pants (I was at my highest weight and nearly 400 lbs at the time, and this woman probably weighed less than my left leg).
She stammered and hissed "You know what I mean,) and yeah I did (someone intelligent, funny, and nice couldn't be something as "horrible" as FAT).
I don't like the euphemisms, but fat is such an emotionally charged word, that we're only "supposed" to talk about it indirectly. Being frank and honest about it, makes people uncomfortable, because it is a taboo word and a taboo subject, especally to use about yourself or to use in any positive way.
A friend's little girl (from the time she was barely 3) sits with us when we eat at her family's restaurant, and she will often count my husband's freckles, and talk about how she and we (and other people) are the same and different.
She tells my husband and I that we were "very big." I laugh and tell her that yes, we were because we eat too much (then we'll often talk about eating healthy and exercising, and the look of horror on the adult faces can be very awkward. They seemed upset that the little girl isn't being "taught better" and shocked that we aren't upset or offended (or at least embarassed).
I think obesity will remain a difficult condition to treat, as long as it remains taboo to discuss openly and without judgement attached.
my problem is I am uncomfortable with it! Sometimes the guys I am around make jokes about "fat chicks", even my boyfriend, and I feel so awkward; like thay said "fat chick" before they realize I am around and once they say it they feel uncomfortable and have an "oh sh*t" moment. but I know its my own paranoia because they don't act awkward at all and my boyfriend says I am not "fat" (at least anymore).
But more on topic, I agree people should be more comfortable with it but I think its really the people are convinced that the "fat" person will be offended and hurt and that they have been insensitive. Just the same as not knowing what to call someone who is crippled or a midget, especially since different people liked to be called different things so its confusing and in this age we have to walk on our tippy toes around every subject or we could be deemed a horrible person and feel bad (or even get sued). Its just ingrained in us now to be frightened of these situations.
Last edited by pinkalarmclock; 05-01-2010 at 09:59 AM.
It might not be the fat part. It might be the "make fun of myself" part that they aren't comfortable with.
I'm not entirely comfortable with people making fun of themselves because I never know how to respond.
This. The other day my best friend and my boyfriend's sister and I were all going somewhere kind of far away so we decided to car pool and let my best friend drive (she has a little sporty 2-door Honda civic with a small and uncomfortable back seat.) Just to be polite I offered to get in the backseat instead of my boyfriend's sister having to and she said "what, were you looking at the scale when I stepped on it this morning?" I was so flustered, what am I supposed to say to that? I know it was a joke, but to me it wasn't funny and put me in a very awkward situation.
That being said, my two best friends and I discuss how fat we feel all the time but only with each other. I would never say something to someone I didn't really know/trust because who knows how they react or respond to that and usually they reply with "you're not fat!" and that makes me feel like I'm fishing for compliments or something. Just my 2 cents.
I pretty much agree with pinkalarmclock. I think people just don't know what to say. There are so many posts on here about feelings getting hurt from "fat" comments - because they are hurtful. Your friends don't want to say something that might inadvertantly hurt your feelings. It is hard to know what to say.
Its kind of like asking your husband if your butt looks fat in your jeans. If he says it doesn't - you probably won't believe him. If he says it does, you will probably have your feelings hurt.
Your friends are your friends and they don't want to hurt you!
I agree with pinkalarmclock too. When I hear my boyfriend or other people who have not seen me at high weight/even know that that existed talk in a negative way about fat people. I'm just like "Oh, god. I hope they don't think that about me or I wonder if they would say that around me at my high weight?" This was especially bad when I was around high weight. Anytime anything came up with weight, fat, even talking about animal blubber in highschool science class, I would feel so uncomfortable like everyone was staring at me. This is so ridiculous though. I'm glad I don't feel that way anymore.
I know a neat youtube video on the tabooness of fat really was interested. Its entitled Fat Rant. If you type it in, you should find it.
I think everyone has really great points. I only discuss it with close friends, mainly the ones who know me very well. I think with one friend in particular she doesn't know what to say, feels odd or thinks she may hurt my feelings. I can understand that and I dont want her to feel that way.
I completely agree that "fat" is still taboo and people are unsure how to go about the topic. Thanks for the input everyone!
My friends all automatically reply with the "you're not fat" as though denying the problem will make me feel better about myself...the bigger i get, the more adamantly they deny it. It kind of bothers me more than it bothers them.
I have two situations and both of them end up being about as awkward. One of my close friends that I have known forever always makes some comment or another about being fat and I end up just ignoring it because I can't tell whether she wants me to agree with her, relate with her, or deny it.
The other situation just happened on Saturday with a girl that I pretty much just met where she pointedly was making fun of herself being fat while we were in a group. Again, I couldn't do anything but look in another direction as I had no idea what to say.
I would say self-deprecation of any form as a joke can make other people uncomfortable. Unless they feel the same way about themselves in which case it is almost like having a comaraderie. If someone were to say "I've got such an ugly face that I make babies cry, ha ha ha ha".... What on earth would you say to that?
Now if you turn around what you're saying into something positive, then it comes off as empowering and will likely have the friend think that's awesome.
I feel like like no on is allowed to call ME fat. I don't call myself fat because it has an unattractive context. And I hate it when people go on about how they are. I guess I figure if people are using the word, it represents a subsurface dissatisfaction with their whole self, not just just their appearance. And that they're not serious about changing it.
I've called myself "overweight" matter of factly, and hated how my friend jumped to say otherwise. I was like "Open your eyes, girl! My feeling aren't THAT sensitive."
I come from a culture where family members tell you "you're getting fat." So while it can be hurtful, I understand that it's an observation/fact, like you're getting tan/tall. I think it would actually be better for people if fat was considered to be just another adjective, like tall, and not a four letter word.
souver--I love that last part of you saying you call yourself "overweight" and are annoyed when others say otherwise. I'm not asking for friends to say "omg yes your so fat!" but to understand that its not a secret!
Tina--Yes, my family never really had trouble pointing out any change...tan, bigger, etc.
Like I said earlier, you can call it whatever you want...fat, fluffy, overwight, chubby...I would like the WORD to not make others uncomfortable...lastly, I dont think *and its not for me* should not be the topic of every convo.
My friends all automatically reply with the "you're not fat" as though denying the problem will make me feel better about myself...the bigger i get, the more adamantly they deny it. It kind of bothers me more than it bothers them.
If only my friends would deny it.. *sigh* They don't typically use the word "fat" though.. we stary away from that word, because it has such negativity behind it. we typically say "over weight" or the phrase gaining weight, whatever just so we can avoid the word fat. We don't wanna lie to each other, but we don't wanna hurt each other either.
It sort of drives me a little bonkers that I can't matter-of-factly say something about my weight without a chorus of denials. Not like 'look what a fatty I am, I'm so gross' but just 'I really need to lose a few pounds to fit in these pants' or 'my BMI is a little too high for my height' so many people just automatically deny what I'm saying, I guess to be polite. I know no one wants to call me fat, but seriously, I'm not looking to be reassured I look awesome (I don't really think I look that bad really). My boyfriend especially. Its like he looked at some girl manual and determined that if any comment is made that insinuates I'm not perfect I'm going to blow up! I'm not that girl! I don't mind if he can agree that I need to lose weight, its the truth. I mean, if he tells me I'm a fat pile of crud, I'd be upset, but to acknowledge that I am overweight...it'd be nice to have some support for my efforts to change rather than everyone calling me crazy.
Does the word fat make your friends uncomfy?
