[fatand40+]

I had a really successful dieting week last week. I was positive all week and i t paid off 'cause i lost 6 pounds and reached my first target of 5% of my weight.

Why is it though that every time i am successful, my depression takes a turn for the worse? This has been a familiar pattern for years. I don't suppose i am on my own with this, it must happen to many others.

Generally speaking, my depression is on an even keel so i can't see any other reason for the way i am feeling this week.

Has anyone found a solution for their self-sabotage? If so, please share it.


To follow my progress please visit my HOMEPAGE

[ShihtzuX2]

Susan: I think the way for you to get to the root of these episodes is to look at the self-talk that goes along with the depression kicking up again. When things are going well, what do you say to yourself that starts making you feel bad? Do you tell yourself something like, I don't deserve to succeed, I'm not good enough (?). Or perhaps when you succeed, do you feel like the success has some kind of a price you'll have to pay. Sometimes dieters do a little grieving, because we realize that to lose and maintain the loss we have to give up eating the way we used to. And some of us have to give up a couch-potato lifestyle and start exercising.

As a lifelong struggler with depression and self-esteem issues, I've come to realize that a lot of mine stems from a core belief that I'm just not good enough, period. So I shouldn't succeed at weight loss or anything else. I don't deserve to feel good about myself (because I'm worthless), etc.

I lost 100 pounds then derailed myself less than 15 pounds from my goal. Why? Because I got close enough to peer over the fence into Skinnyville and realized I wasn't ready to go there. All the years I've struggled with my weight, my belief has been that my weight & eating are the fundamental problems in my life and if I'd just resolve them life would be perfect. Well, I've finally figured out it won't. I have to get at the emotional issues that are contributing to the depression, I have to build up my self esteem so that I can believe I deserve to be thin, that it's okay to like myself even if I'm not perfect. I used to look at all these things (compulsive overeating, depression, low self-esteem) as separate problems, but actually they all spring from the same source--a fundamental belief I'm just not good enough period.

Geneen Roth's books on compulsive eating have helped me with a lot of insight into my eating and weight and self-esteem issues. There are a lot of other good authors out there too. Perhaps if you do some reading you can get at the root issues that are holding you back. Good luck!

[Leenie]

Hi Susan,

First, I'm glad you posted with us. Talking about it does help. I wish I could or knew of some magic words but I am in the same situation you are.

I lost 150 lbs, and kept it off for 13 years, only to regain 70 back and rising. What ShihtzuX2 I believe to be true. I do hear myself saying, why should I lose weight ? my skin will sag (it does anyway) and I'll never look good with my shirt tucked in. I'll never have that nice body unless I do surgery.

Saying this isn't fair to my hubby, my little girl and mostly myself, but I can not help it. Its so difficult to change ones ways of thinking over night. This is going to take quite some time. But then I say, I was at my goal once before why can't I do it again, whats holding me back (besides the depression). So you see you are not alone.

Maybe you can post with us on the daily boards and we can help eachother thru this. ???

ShihtzuX2 - excellent advice, thank you for posting, it gave me a great deal to think about.

Love, Leenie

[fatand40+]

Thanks for your kind words and advise. Last week i was a bit over the top with enthusiasm and i expected the same this week. I know i have to analize my thinking and try not to let such extremes happen again - or at least try to minimise the results. Thanks again.