Ughh. I apologize in advance for the rant that's about to follow, but I don't really know anyone I can vent to about this stuff in person.
I'm the youngest of three siblings, and the only girl. Both of my older brothers used to be quite heavy as well, but lost it in frighteningly short spans of time through manorexia, pretty much. They virtually stopped eating for a few months and somehow 60 or 70 pounds were gone.
Anyway, I'm trying to lose weight the healthy way (which is to say, slowly through proper diet and exercise) and they're giving me a REALLY hard time about it. I won't see my family for another 4 weeks (which is when the semester ends), so one of my brothers asked if it would motivate me if we made some sort of bet about how much I could lose in that span of time. I agreed, thinking he was going to suggest like..15 pounds tops (and I thought even that was kind of a lot). He ended up suggesting 30, and got all angry when I wouldn't take the bet.
A) WHO LOSES 30 POUNDS IN A MONTH? NOTTT HEALTHY.
B) I don't have a guy's metabolism! He forgets that we're "wired" differently-I'm pretty sure I wouldn't even lose that much if I started starving myself.
They can't seem to register that I'm doing this differently than they did, so instead of trying to help they're just giving me a hard time and trying to make me feel like what I'm doing is ineffective.
Has anyone else been in a similar situation? Is there any good way to deal with this? Again, sorry for the rant...
Ack sounds frustrating I think guys in general forget that girls eat way less than they do, and on a diet it must look like we eat nothing at all. So its possibly not just your brother being annoying, its just hard to get. Kinda like how we see guys eating 2 pizzas, a garlic bread loaf and dessert and not gain a sh*t ton of weight AND have room for more, and just dont understand how that could possibly work! Maybe just point out that girls in general lose weight more slowly and if he doesnt get it, leave it
I don't even know how you should deal with your brothers, but good for you on not trying to push your body to loose 30 lbs in a month?! Just wanted to give you a kudos.
I used to do that, starve myself until I lost a massive amount of weight in a couple weeks. But the thing is, I never learned anything from it. People can say that they know how to eat right, they'll just start eating right once all the weight has been lost and they've reached their goal. We all know what we should be eating and what we shouldn't. That's not the problem. The issue at hand is changing our behavior so we'd WANT to pick up the apple instead of the bag of cookies.
I figure your brother, in starving himself, never learned that lesson and would most likely gain the weight back and then some over time. But you know better and your results, though slower than his, will last a lifetime.
Since I used to be like your brother, I'd say you could talk to him and try to make him see how your approach will work better for you and you'd rather not stray from it. But from personal experience I could tell you that he won't listen to you, either. I hope for his sake that this was it for him but chances are he won't understand your point of view until his next binging spree.
My advice: Ignore him and try not to let him turn it into something competetive. It's destructive for both of you.
Sounds frustrating for sure. I wonder why your brothers are giving you a hard time about it. I think that might be helpful to know.
You could mention the "girls tend to need more time to lose weight than guys" thing, you could mention that you are interested in a different approach (perhaps not "healthier", or "better"), or simply that you realize it may seem slow to him but you are aiming for X-lbs over the next four weeks. I'm of the opinion that you don't have to explain why, and if he asks, then I also think he should be willing to accept what you have to say without judging or badgering you about it. This is your body and your health, and these are your decisions. Perhaps a simple "I wanted to let you know that I feel XYZ when you say X. I'd really appreciate if you could say/do XYZ." - if it's a case of them not realizing how what they say affects you, perhaps they need to be informed and hopefully they will consider what you have told them and go from there.
I'm really glad you're choosing to take the healthy route and have decided not to starve yourself. If there is anything I have learned from this website (and personal experience) it is that permanent weight loss = healthy lifestyle change. Starving yourself is an unhealthy, harmful, quick fix. Sometimes part of losing weight is about unlearning the habits that led to the weight gain in the first place. At least I know that's the case for me. In any case, I'm happy you're focused on a healthy approach . Good luck!
Your brother's obviously invested in feeling superior to you. I've got an older brother like that, too.
What works for me is saying "I'm so happy that worked for you!" I say that quite a bit. Don't play his games, just be up front, and thank him for his interest. Tell him that you'd like his *quiet* support, but that you otherwise have a handle on the situation and it's quiet support or nothing.
GreenFaerie- You have a good point- I think no matter how I explain this, he's going to believe that his way is the only "right" one. It's especially hard to get them to change their minds because they've both been maintaining for a few years now--not sure how that worked out, but they actually managed to keep most of the weight off post-starvation. Yikes.
Viviane- I may end up using that line in the near future, hahaha. Good to know I'm not the only one with siblings like this...I really do love them, they just get very competitive.
Thank you all for the feedback! I'm feeling a lot more confident about my decision-making now
Tell him girls lose weight more slowly because we menstruate (it's true, the variation in our hormones over the month affects our weight loss). No guy wants to think about his sister's period. That should shut him up.
Tell him girls lose weight more slowly because we menstruate (it's true, the variation in our hormones over the month affects our weight loss). No guy wants to think about his sister's period. That should shut him up.
Your brother probably wants to just set you up for failure. Come on now 30lbs in one month? he has to be joking..that is about losing a pound a day and that is just ridiculous. Tell him "Yeah I can lose 30lbs in a month by starving myself and possibly be dead by the end of the challenge, how would you like that?"
Sibling Rivalry
I think guys in general forget that girls eat way less than they do, and on a diet it must look like we eat nothing at all. So its possibly not just your brother being annoying, its just hard to get. Kinda like how we see guys eating 2 pizzas, a garlic bread loaf and dessert and not gain a sh*t ton of weight AND have room for more, and just dont understand how that could possibly work! Maybe just point out that girls in general lose weight more slowly and if he doesnt get it, leave it
. Good luck!
Brilliant.
