If only I knew then...
I was born a premie...a super premie. On my 1st birthday, I weighed just under 16 lbs. I was an underweight child, who was always encouraged to eat. If I was hungry, my parents and grandparents made sure I had food available...gaining weight for me was important.
Regardless of how I looked, eating was something for which I had extreme talent. At the age of 5, I ate 6 out of 8 slices of a large pizza. Jokes were made about my hollow legs. At a local buffet, children "ate for their weight" (i.e. if you weighed 50 lbs, you ate for $0.50). My grandparents still contend that I single handedly ended this practice due to lost profits.
Everything changed around age 10...except my eating. It was very hard to be told "no" for a change. There is period where I only wore sweatpants...these photos are well hidden! Ever since, I feel as though I have been battling with my weight.
I have never really felt happy with my body. Some of my body image issues I link to my stepfather, who is a textbook Narcissist and has never had any issue calling out my faults. Really, though, it is about me wanting to be comfortable with myself and more confident.
I am married to a wonderful man who never fails to tell me how beautiful and sexy I am. I think he's going blind! He's also one to never tell you anything doesn't look great on, so I don't exactly trust his opinion.
The final straw came this Christmas. One of my bestfriends had a baby in August. At our family Christmas party, we took a picture. I looked as though I could eat her! Somehow, I had managed to get to 185 lbs at 5'6". When did that happen!?! In this photo my face had obviously changed. I was beginning to show the signs of a double chin! I could grab handfulls of flab! This had to stop.
I look back now on high school. I think about how fat I felt compared to my friends and classmates. I was an idiot! How did I not know that I was fine at 135-140 lbs?
Well enough is enough! My goal is to get back to that range by July (when I am matron of honor for another friend's wedding). 50 pounds. Starting on January 1st, I cut out all sodas, cold turkey. I have started logging my calorie and exercise on FitDay and as of this morning (03/11/10), I have gone from 185 to 171!
I am seeing a difference and feel as though my energy is increasing. I am trying to stay between 1200 and 1600 calories a day, and, for some reason, this time isn't proving to be quite as bad as the others. My goal is to not limit myself from certain foods (although I am trying to steer clear of fast food and sugar as much as possible), so that I don't feel deprived of the things I love and "cheat".
I have started packing lunches exclusively, mainly soups (Progresso Light and Healthy Choice), and try to have a small cup of yogurt in the morning. So far, so good, but I would love to have support from others struggling through the same. I had thought that my mother may be a good weight loss buddy, but she's yet to get serious about things (drinking sodas and eating candy...in front of me! haha). If anyone is interested, I'd love to hear your stories and get to know the successes and struggles you have had!
Thanks!
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