Coworker just embarassed me...I don't have a freaking eating disorder...
So, yeah, maybe I get a embarrassed a little too easily…but really…
Everyone I work with is aware of my weight loss efforts for the most part. And they have all been really supportive and make a point to compliment me and all that. And some have even joined me and that helps so much.
But earlier this morning, I was walking past this one woman’s desk and she GRABS my arm and in front of everyone who sits in that area of the office says, “YOU need to EAT already. You look sick and your eyes look weird and you’re losing all your color. You can’t just starve yourself you know. I know you never eat….”
Um, I eat all the time. And I was mortified. I actually felt tears in my eyes a little. Everyone got really quiet and was just looking at me. And now I feel like everyone thinks I have an eating disorder which is ridiculous. I could still stand to lose another 30 pounds, there is no cause for concern….
It was just embarrassing....
Last edited by ThicknPretty; 02-24-2010 at 10:38 AM.
Ugh how rude! She's the one who should be embarrassed. She probably has no concept of how a healthy lifestyle can lead to weight loss if she thinks the only way to do it is to starve yourself! I wish I could think of a witty comeback, or something you can tell her now even, but I'm so bad at that. I'm sure the other ladies here can though!
Well now...that was ignorant. Either she's jealous (even if she's thin...someone women hate to see other women succeed...) or she was trying to make you feel good and going about it in a really weird and disfunctional way. People are idiots. I'm sure people don't think you have an eating disorder. Keep on trucking.
(If it makes you feel any better, a guy in my company's warehouse yelled out that I needed to slow down on losing weight because I am losing "that ***". People are stupid.)
Good lord that's so abusive. What a freak that woman is. I'm sure everyone was just staring because they all think she's a crazy freak, too. Tell her "I'm rubber and you are glue, whatever you say bounces off of me and sticks to you." That'll fix her.
Sounds obvious when I point this out, but this person did NOT mean to do you a good turn or help you in any way. She was "acting out" an intervention for the sake of your audience, and what she cares about is not your welfare, but how she is perceived by the group, and especially her status within the group as compared with yours. I suspect she sees you as competition or a threat.
If someone were really concerned about your well-being, she would think very long & hard about approaching you. She would show you, well before she intervened, that she was "there" for you & that she felt concern for you. And when she finally made her move, she would take you aside privately, maybe by having coffee or taking you to lunch, to have The Talk Between Friends. You would be hugged. There might be tears. THAT is how someone who genuinely cares for you would behave. And you would be able to take that opportunity to have a heart-to-heart & set her straight, if that was what was necessary. And the transaction would probably end with an even closer bond between you. That is not what happened here.
Beware of Public Interventionists making their dramatic pronouncements. It is never about you. It is all about them.
But listen to Private Interventionists. Yes, sometimes they are passive-aggressive & have mixed motives, but there is more likely to be a motivation of genuine caring & concern.
Wow! How insensitive she is! I can imagine if that happened to me I would probably have popped off with some rude remark back. grr, people like that make me a little upset. If I were you I would take her aside at some point today and tell her flat out - "If you have a concern about me or my health I would appreciate it if you confronted me in private. Since you didn't I would greatly appreciate it if you would please let everyone know that I DO NOT have an eating disorder when we get back into the office. I can call their attention if you like. Also, in the future, please don't make a scene... it's not necessary, especially when you don't really know what you're talking about."
If you're not comfortable saying that to her, ask your boss to - they definitely will.
I would take her aside and tell her in no uncertain terms that if she ever does that to you in front of co-workers again, you will respond in a way that she will not like. People need to be called out on this s***, but at least you'll have given her a warning.
Do you have a Human Resources department where you work? This sounds like harassment and it should be reported if possible. How terrible. Even though it must have been hard for you, she only made herself look like a fool.
When my husband lost a bunch of weight, he got lots of comments about losing too much even though he was at a healthy weight. We are an overweight nation -- I think many of us have lost sight of what a healthy weight looks like! Of course, that doesn't excuse bad behavior like your coworker displayed.
By the way, congratulations on your journey so far -- you are doing great!
I would take her aside and tell her in no uncertain terms that if she ever does that to you in front of co-workers again, you will respond in a way that she will not like. People need to be called out on this s***, but at least you'll have given her a warning.
Jay
I completely agree with this ^^^.
You have to assert yourself, hon, or people like that will take your silence as permission to continue to do this sort of thing. What a moron! Don"t let it get to you!
Sounds obvious when I point this out, but this person did NOT mean to do you a good turn or help you in any way. She was "acting out" an intervention for the sake of your audience, and what she cares about is not your welfare, but how she is perceived by the group, and especially her status within the group as compared with yours. I suspect she sees you as competition or a threat.
If someone were really concerned about your well-being, she would think very long & hard about approaching you. She would show you, well before she intervened, that she was "there" for you & that she felt concern for you. And when she finally made her move, she would take you aside privately, maybe by having coffee or taking you to lunch, to have The Talk Between Friends. You would be hugged. There might be tears. THAT is how someone who genuinely cares for you would behave. And you would be able to take that opportunity to have a heart-to-heart & set her straight, if that was what was necessary. And the transaction would probably end with an even closer bond between you. That is not what happened here.
Beware of Public Interventionists making their dramatic pronouncements. It is never about you. It is all about them.
But listen to Private Interventionists. Yes, sometimes they are passive-aggressive & have mixed motives, but there is more likely to be a motivation of genuine caring & concern.
I was going to say just this. If I was genuinely concerned about someone, there's no way I would address this sort of thing (eating disorder, addiction, staying with an abusive spouse, whatever) in public unless there was some immediate danger (I mean, if my cowork was hitting the crack pipe in the middle of the office or her boyfriend came in and beat the crap out of her in front of me, I'd speak up!). I second the recommendations above to either talk to HR or take the cowork aside and calmly tell her that she will not be happy if something like that happens again.
Coworker just embarassed me...I don't have a freaking eating disorder...
You have to assert yourself, hon, or people like that will take your silence as permission to continue to do this sort of thing. What a moron! Don"t let it get to you! 
