[sarahlynn89]

Hi all,

I've been feeling rather down lately. I've had some things weighing on me, and being a normally quite happy person, it's affected me rather intensely.

When I think about it, I know it's not the worst thing. Things could probably always be worse. But right now, it just seems huge.

I didn't heavily edit the blog post, so it pretty much just went with the flow of my thoughts tonight. I would greatly, greatly appreciate anyone reading it or even skimming it and giving some thoughts on the matter. The link is over <---- there, to my blog. It's the post titled "Indecision."

Thanks in advance. You guys are great!

Sarah

[squishysquirrel]

I'm currently in the same situation. I've known my boyfriend for 12 years but we've been dating for 7 months and plan to elope this summer. I find out in March where I'll be assigned to do my residency, and he's really excited about moving with me to whatever state (it probably won't be Alabama). His friends heavily drink and also use drugs, and I honestly don't know why he spends time with them. Some of his friends have been complaining about him spending so much time with me, but he considers me his best friend, says that he loves me more than he has anybody else, and he just doesn't care about pleasing his friends because he knows they are unhappy and their lives are going nowhere. I wouldn't worry about your boyfriend's friends. I think it's very childish and selfish of his friends to not realize that he loves you and is happy; more mature friends would be happy for him and not constantly try to get him to move in with them. But you shouldn't worry because if he loves you, he will stay with you and ignore his friends' advice. Good luck.

[dragonwoman64]

just from reading what you wrote, I'd say trust your bf and what he's telling you. don't let your fears derail you and what you really want to do. if he had wanted to move with his friends, at any point, he could have, but he didn't. he's an adult, that was his adult decision. imho, you're better off not adding emotional burdens that might not even exist.

it is scary, and a risk, taking emotional leaps with partners. I wouldn't take what his friends say so much to heart. it sounds to me like maybe he wants to have some distance from them and the lifestyle they've chosen. but it's not always so easy to separate from a group of friends -- friends he's probably come to identify himself with in a lot of ways.

I remember two girls I went to highschool with, they were like twins/sisters, they did everything together. when you thought of one, you thought of the other. I was really surprised when one chose a different college to go to, and heard through another friend that one of them had felt a real need to separate from the other and recreate her life and explore who she wanted to be.

hope that feedback helps. good luck with everything

[sarahlynn89]

squishysquirrel: I'm glad to know I'm not alone in having these problems with boyfriend's friends. My boyfriend tells me the same thing - that they are not really going anywhere and that I'm his best friend and he loves me. I can't imagine, either, why you'd want to be friends with people like that - not only for the drugs and drinking, but also for their inability to be happy for him and his happiness. But I suppose everyone has their reasons for the friends they choose. I think you're right in saying that if he loves me, he'll stay with me and ignore his friend's opinions. Thanks a lot for reading and responding to me. I feel a lot better. Best of luck with your situation, and I am sure that you two will be very happy wherever you move for your residency.

dragonwoman: I think you're right. It is best for me to not let my thoughts get the best of me before anything even happens. Like you mentioned, I have the terrible habit of creating problems that do not even really exist yet. He has become really close with this group of friends, and I'm sure it would be hard to separate himself from them, although I know he does want to move away from that lifestyle. I guess I will just have to let myself be vulnerable and put myself out there completely, and hope for the best. Trusting my boyfriend's judgment will be the first step. Thank you so much for listening and for your advice.

[dragonwoman64]

trust your instincts and put yourself out there as much as you feel comfortable doing. if you feel strange about anything in a relationship, don't be afraid to take that feeling seriously. at the same time, it's good to recognize when something is a fear or normal anxiety.