[bonnie2009]

Hi,

I work as a caregiver to the elderly and just in the past week have been caring for a difficult client. She is 86 and was kinda forced to have someone in to help her or go the a nursing home. She as been a client of my agency for about 2 1/2 weeks. The first morning I went to take care of her everything I did seemed wrong. She does not "sugar coat" anything. She has had a rough past few months with her health as well as her husband being hospitalized with severe heart issues. So I can feel for her to a point.

The one thing that makes me the angriest is that she treats me in a "one down" poistion because of my weight. She is very health conscious and has made comments not directly at me but about other people with weight issues. I hate that. When she watches tv she is a equal opportunity prejudice person. I got myself to this weight but other people she seems to be prejudice about don't have a choice.


This anger takes away from concentrating on not binging. I am so consumed with the thoughts of dealing with her that I slept the day away and just feel angry inside.

I am ,I know, too "tender hearted" at times and need to grow more of a backbone, no doubt. But trying to overcome an addiction like binge eating is a formidable foe and dealing with people like this makes it difficult to stay on course. But there are all types of people out there that one may come across.

Has anyone had any similar experiences or advice?

Thanks!! Bonnie

[luckymommy]

Hi Bonnie,

I think most of us have, at one point or another, had someone directly or indirectly say something inappropriate about weight, race, gender, etc... Since you have to be around this woman all the time, you kind of only have two choices: say something about it or let it roll off your back. We cannot really control someone else's behavior, but we CAN control our response. I can really understand how difficult it must be to be around her. You might try to say something like: "wow, Mrs. so and so, what you said right now is very hurtful and you seem like a very nice lady." Maybe that would get her to realize that she's very unkind. If that doesn't work, you could say, "I don't really appreciate the way you're talking down to me and I would really like you to stop. I'm here to help, but I'm not here to be insulted." If that doesn't work, then maybe you could let the boss know?

If you decide to take the route of not saying anything, I would suggest just telling yourself that this is a woman who isn't in her right mind. If you found out that she has a brain tumor that affects her personality, that would certainly help you understand her inappropriate comments, right? Well, I think she's just not in her right mind if she thinks that treating people this way is acceptable.

Either way, please don't let this change your outlook on food for the worst. I have a horrible addiction to food and I have learned to separate (for the time being anyway) my food from my emotions. For example, today, my son (who has a disability) had a huge problem at school and I had to come and pick him up and spent quite a few hours feeling sorry for myself and crying my eyes out. Normally, I would have turned to food for comfort, but today, it wasn't an option. Bingeing on food will not make my son better or the situation better. Same thing here. Just remind yourself that eating more will not make you any healthier and who really cares what this lady thinks? If she was a kind human, then you could care about what she thinks, but she's not and so she doesn't deserve your caring about her opinions. Just be there to do your job and know that you are kind and that you are doing the right thing. She'll have to deal with what's coming to her on the other side!

[bonnie2009]

luckymommy,

Thanks that really helps!

Bonnie

[jlady]

hmm. sounds like you care for my grandmother. okay, not really, but she is quite hurtful.

certain people just do not have graces. this means they not only hurt you for being overweight, but also other people for being born a certain race, religion, or creed. it just takes experience dealing with it. practice what you would say in a polite way - that way when you are finally over the edge, you can respond in a confident and polite manner. it is always possible to make your feelings known without further escalating the situation.

i know, i know. so much easier said than done. my grandmother during a recent visit was showing me some of those new fold-up stadium chairs. she unfurled one (i already own a few) and proceeded to tell me that i shouldn't sit in it because i may break it or i might get stuck. unbelievable. changed the subject. and quickly. i'm mostly offended by her because isn't your family supposed to love you unconditionally? why must she feel the need to alert me that i am overweight? several times i've attempted conversations to this effect without much progress. the irony of it all is she too is overweight. what's a gal to do...

[bonnie2009]

jlady,

Thanks that helps!

Bonnie