Wow, so powerful. You could have been writing about me. About a lot of us, I imagine.
Someone asked me the other day how I was doing it and I "jokingly" said, "I stopped eating for a family of four." They laughed and inside I was thinking how very true my words were. I could eat 2 extra large pizzas in one sitting. I could eat several fast food meals and still be "hungry" for more. I could eat half a gallon of ice cream and still eat half a pan of lasagna. Out of control doesn't begin to touch my behaviors. The guilt and the shame and the secrecy of it all felt like they weighed more than I did.
It's amazing to me how, after the fear of losing my outlet subsided, kicking the binging out of my life has brought me such a sense of peace.
I agree, the addiction never goes away. I still see the potential for the behavior in me, just under the surface. So I must remind myself everyday how horrible that life was. That any measure of "comfort" binging brought me was far out done by the pain it gave me, both emotional and physical.
Congratulations to you for making it so far. I wish you many, many years of being binge free!
That really touched me. Because I can relate, but also because of your honesty. I've never been so brutally honest about my own binging habits and that's because, like you, I figured if I didn't admit it, no one would know.
It's really sad, this struggle with binging and excessive eating that so many of us have. I've had those moments too...stuffing my face, shovelling food in my mouth so fast I can't even chew to keep up, and thinking, "God what am I doing?" And then standing on the scale...regretting every single bite. Terrible cycle.
Thank you for sharing this and I'm glad I read it. Sometimes I feel like the only person in the world who struggles with such overhwhelming urges to eat to excess. It's embarassing. If I let myself, I could eat more than most of the men in my family. It really helps to read about your amazing success.
That was so touching and painful to read, but at the same time, it inspires the addict that I am. I don't feel that my addict is dead though. I'm still taking it one day at a time. I hope the addict is dying, but I can never be too sure. Maybe it just hasn't been long enough. My last binge was on Halloween. The thing that makes me nervous is how quickly things can go wrong and out of control. I never want to feel that way again. The way I feel now is so much better than any food I could ever taste. The thing is that no matter what I ate, I never felt anything was good enough. I could never find anything that would give me the high I craved from food. However, now, I enjoy food more than I did when I binged every day. Sorry to make this about me. Thanks again for caring enough to post.
Beautifully written, and with so many things that I can relate to--the over-sized purse with food on the bottom (I thought I was the only one!), looking forward to the time I was alone so I could eat eat eat, thinking no one would know if I did it in secret, and the list goes on.
And taking responsibility too, I'm glad I can also relate to that part of you message. It's my problem, it's my responsibility, and only I can choose to fix it, and once that choice is made, only I can take the steps to heal.
Outside of the context of weight loss--you're an amazing writer, I'm very impressed, and inspired!
Thank you so much for sharing that. To know that I was (and I am) not alone means so much. And I really admire your bravery for being able to share your story.
Thank you thank you thank you!!!! If only I had known other people were out there struggling with what I'm struggling with, I think I would have been less ashamed to talk about it (and fix it) sooner. And you ARE a powerful writer. Please write a book so you can inspire more people!
You are a motivator. I am a binge eater. I have been since childhood. I remember sneaking food when I was a child and hiding away in my room one eye glued to the door watching for my parents while I ate anything I could get my hands on. The horrors of have tons of candy wrappers shoved under beds and going out with friends pretending I had not already just had a meal and ordering another meal eating it all. I still haven't got my eating under control. One of the main reasons I haven't lost as much weight as I would like. But the first step is recognition and knowing your not alone. I'm glad that there are placing where we can come together and see that there are others who are having the same experiences and can share what we've learned. Your post gives me hope that I too will overcome my addiction!
Thank you for sharing your story. I can truly relate to much of it: the oversized purse particularly. I also talk on my cell phone preparing for a "party" at the grocery store to detract from the huge amount of food I am buying. I hope one day I can be at the place where you are, where you have beaten this problem. Congrats and good luck! <3
The Death of an Addict
Thanks again for caring enough to post.
