Hope everyone had a good on program day. I've totally fallen off the wagon since Wednesday, but will try to get back on tomorrow.
I know this is totally off topic, but I was wondering if anyone can relate:
Does anyone else have a friend who seems to "have it all." I'm having really jealous feelings about a good friend, and I'm really disappointed in myself for it, and don't know how to handle it.
My friend Sue is very pretty , naturally thin-and I don't mean the kind of thin where she eats yogurt and salad. I've seen her eat chips and dip, three slices of pizza, and then two portions of dessert, and she doens't gain. She also doesn't exercise. Besides that, she has a high executive position in finance, even though she has a bachelor's degree in English (go figure)-her salary is six figures. Her house is totally decorated, everything expensive and coordinated. She just had a new baby, and her mom is going to take care of the baby for part of the week so she doesn't have to pay for full time daycare....
She is an extremely nice person. I don't know what is wrong with me. I hate feeling this way. We went over her house this past weekend, and ever since I've just been EATING and stuffing my feelings of jealousy and resentment with food.
Has anyone else felt this way? How did you get past it? I don't want to deal with it by eating (cause I sure gain weight no matter what I eat!)
Am I alone in these feelings? Please someone speak up if they've felt this way about a friend.
Just a bit after she hit puberty she got pregnant with her daughter(now I'm not jealous of this part as she was only 14yrs old when she got pregnant with her daughter), but after she had her daughter she lost all the weight and then some and looks great. Problem is since she lost the weight she really flaunts it and puts down the rest of us(my siblings and parents) saying she is the only thin one in the family...Anyhow(getting back on track here), I am also jealous because she is in college now and almost done, and her and her boyfriend(not the father of her daughter) are buying a house together within a month or two.
So yes I know how you feel. It's so hard and makes one feel like they just don't want to bother anymore(at least I sometimes feel that way because I feel like what's the point).
Now I am sure my sister is jealous of things about me too as I am the only one out of all my siblings that is married and has been in a stable relationship for many years. I know my sister looks up to me and is proud of me for all I have been through too(what with my son and such).
So maybe your friend is jealous of you as well for somethings.
My 2 best friends are 1 an executive in the film industry living in LA. She's gorgeous, thin and single (her choice) and she goes everywhere, no kids, no one to guilt her for indulging herself, traveling etc. She has had a very difficult life, disowned by her parents (witnesses) she has done it all on her own a great success story, and some days I hate her. When she comes to visit, a few times a year, even my kids and DH seem to like her more than me (yes, my imagination, but it's still there). She is an excellent friend, but when I'm feeling low I cannot call her, jealousy runs rampant.
My other best friend is newly married and also television/film industry big whig. She wants children very badly, and that is the only area where I have any feelings of superiority. I love her to death, she calls and visits and remembers everyone's Birthday. Her parents even send my kids X-mas presents.
I know I am very lucky to have both these women in my life, and that they have both chosen me for the inner circle of their busy lives tells me that there has to be something likable (special) about me. Jealousy is so hard. you can't talk yourself out of it, and it colors all your actions. We do a lot of future planning, when the kids are older, we'll all go to Morrocco, that sort of thing. And they both try hard not to overdo it with expensive presents, they seem aware of the competition that exists between all women. I've also told them both that I feel jealous of their lives and visible collar bones. Acknowledging the feelings has helped me realize that they are sort of silly. My friend from LA said she visits us here in the country all the time because we have such a tranquil space carved out, that it's completely absent from her life.
The grass is always greener I suppose.
You know, a good part of the time, that person you really care about yet feel some jealosy for is feeling similar things about you. My tiny sister is jealous of me, and I'm jealous of her - but we know that about each other, and because we love each other, we go out of our way to make each other comfortable. I'd say, if this is a friend you feel has a mature attitude about things, talk it over with her - you two might get a good laugh about it in the end, and you'll probably be stunned at the things in your life she wishes she had.
As much as you are jealous of another person there is always the chance that a part of them is jealous of some wonderful trait that you have that they don't (like debbers and her sister). I am jealous of a lot of people when I see that they have things in their life that I don't. A lot of that is wrapped up in my relationship with my dh (I don't want to go there) and money. But I have a beautiful, smart, funny baby boy and no one can take that away from me. I have a lot of wonderful qualities as well and I try to focus on what I do have instead of what I don't. I do know what you are talking about though. Sometimes I would give just about anything to be one of those people that seem to have it all but I often wonder if their lives are really as fullfilling as they appear to be.
We all look at other people with some jealousy. I know that I would love to live the life that my best friend is living right now, but I look and realize that I would be loosing the life that is so good to me right now. I may not be successful in the business world, but I have the awesome opportunity to stay home and raise my two boys, as well as go to school to finish my teacher certification. I think that although I may not be as skinny as her, I have two great kids and a loving family. I find that when the jealousy kicks in I must do as Jen does, focus on what I do have and not what I don't.
As you can see, you are not alone. Jealousy is a human feeling. I think we all have or do experience it.
I liked what I read.."focus on what I do have and not what I don't"
Without writing a novel here..some of you may know the "story".
My younger marriedsister (22yrs old) got pregnant (unplanned) while my exhusband and I were still trying to work out our marriage and manage infertility treatments. I was devasted. Happy for her of course. But I was shattered, afterall, she didn't want a baby at the time. Fast fwd..I am single now and she is married with a family. Yes, I yearn for that life. I only dream of a man to love me and a baby to love and a home to care for and everything else that goes along with it. At the same time, she is jealous of me. Of my freedom, ect. There are always good points and bad points on either side of the fence. Sure, am young, single, carefree..and she envies that. She is only 22 afterall. But I also go to sleep everynight alone witha broken heart and no one to whisper to. And I could have had what she has..but it wouldn't have been right.
I am writing a novel, aren't I?
We all feel the same way that you do. The jealousy is a part of us "growing". Just don't let it eat you alive.
Just imagine though, having all those things we're talking about, but having them effortlessly... not having to do anything to get them. How boring is that? How satisfying is it? Where is the sense of achievement that the rest of us feel by actually WORKING for these things?!
Admittedly, there are some things I'd rather not have to work at (my weight being one of them), but if everything came easy, then what would I learn from life? In fact, what would be the POINT of life? Isn't that part of what life's about - what we have to go through to progress and achieve things, and doesn't it often make us stronger, better people on the way? Just a thought!
Karen
260.5/168.5/140
PS. Thanks to everyone who replied to my swimming post... I'm still plugging away. Although I've lost no more weight, people have ASKED me if I have, and I do actually feel better, so who knows... it may be starting to work (fingers firmly crossed!)
all my life, i was jealous of those who were small, thin, popular, whatever. but i've learned some valuable lessons. hard ones. and please don't think i have all the answers. i sure don't, but there's lots of wisdom floating around the world and we have to find it.
anyway, here's one: i used to work with a perfect woman!!!. yes. E was about 5'3", weighed about 103, and was always perfectly groomed. every hair was in place, makeup was always perfect, she had a husband who adored her and waited on her hand and foot, a beautiful house, gorgeous clothes, close family, good job.
and then me.. 5'9" overweight [not terribly at the time, but still], and feeling awkward, gawky, unable to coordinate any outfits, and unable to do the makeup thing with any luck. the perfect klutz.
one day, i went into the ladies room, and there was E in one of the stalls crying and cursing!!! and i asked her what was wrong. and then it started... she had severe endometriosis and was bleeding heavily, and she was crying because she and her husband had been trying so hard to have a child, without success, and she'd had surgery, and it hadn't helped. and she said that she would endure any amount of blood or pain if only she could have her husband's baby. they had discussed adoption, but she didn't want anyone else's baby.
so, we became friends. and one day, she confessed something else: she had been very intimidated by me!!! <ME????>>
she said that i had sailed into the office and started organizing and solving problems without a moment of hesitation. and that she had realized that i was simply GOOD at what i did. and i was operating on a completely different level than every one else.
i was SHOCKED>
so, i guess what all this means is that you just never know what's really going on behind someone's closed doors, in the privacy of their own homes or heads.
there's no need to be jealous. i've tried [with some success, but at least some peace] to redirect the energy spent on jealousy into some way to meet my own desires and needs.
Karen..You were right on the money. Of course I am not exactly "happy" that I have to go though this weightloss thing, and that I've been fat pretty much my adult life..of course not. BUT this has turned into so much more than just losing weight. It's about searching my soul. Becoming stronger, mentally. It is so much more than what I first thought it was going to be. It's an experience. We all need to look at it like that.
Jiffy..You are absolutly right. I have been found with my mouth wide open at times because I am speechless when I find things out about ppl that I just had no clue. It amazes me of how many ppl confess to me (down the road) that they look up to me, or are even jealous of me. Most time, I don't see myself like that. But you never know what is going on in the other persons life, head or heart.
A woman I work with who is a bit older than me, seemed to have it all. I envied her for awhile. She is very confident and head strong. I like that about people. She had alot of qualities I really admired and even found myself wishing I could be "as strong as her".
One day she and I began to talk about out personal lives. This was when my ex and I first seperated. She told me the story that haunts her even after 20+ years.
Her husband went on a fishing trip alone. There was an accident of some sort and his body was never found. They had a 6 year old son and many business owned together. He just increased his life insurance 6 days earlier. They thougt suicide. They thought he drowned. They thought murder. They thought he acted out his own death. no one knew anything. She and her son waited for him to call or come home for years. The FBI watched every move she made for 7 years. She couldn't get the insurance money. She couldn't sell their businesses or home. She couldn't get social security. She was poor with her young son, always wondering what happened to her husband. After 7 years, they declared him dead and took him off of the Persons Missing. But the file is still open. It's a mystery. Her son is now 25 years old. She is still single. And she still has nightmares and wonders. This strong, confident, very sure of herself woman was crying as she told me this story. 18 years later, she still cries. She still wakes up in the middle of the night. She has never allowed herself to love again. I thought she had the "perfect" life. Until she allowed me to peek into it.
jealous of a good friend
