So, I went out with a girlfriend of mine Friday night...and we went to this Italian restaurant that I've always wanted to try. I tried really REALLY hard not to go overboard...but I did eat too much. And then I went back to my old habitual thinking of "well, I've already messed it up, so bring it on." ...Which led me to drinking an entire egg nog frozen custard shake. As if that weren't enough, I actually ate some of my leftovers from dinner after I got home at midnight. And i wasn't even hungry. At all. Yet I still ate it. It was a distaster all around.
And then, as I was sitting on the couch, I've never felt more sick. I mean - I couldn't move I was so full and I felt MISERABLE. It reminded me of what I used to do to myself all the time. I think that'll be the last time I eat like that again in my entire life. I'll always remember just how miserable my body AND my mind felt. Why we do this to ourselves, I'll never know...yet I always have.
Does anyone else tend to eat yourself sick (either before your weightloss journey or during)? It took me a lot of talking to myself to not feel overwhelmingly guilty and shameful about it.
You may want to check out the "Chicks in Control" forum, where a lot of members talk about going through moments very much like what you've described.
I used to do this, but I haven't in a while. I'll share with you a few things I've learned about myself from dealing with it:
1) The tighter the control, the sharper the reaction when control is "lost." The more I feel restricted, like I'm acting as my own jail warden, the more the "inmate" part of me feels rebellious & wants to break free. Basically, half of me throws a tantrum & yells: "So there! I'll eat this, then I'll eat that, because I want to, and it tastes soooo good, and you can't stop me." And another part of me starts using the word "deserves" and starts the self-pity stuff. "Why can't I eat like other people? I have worked so hard. My life is so stressful." The only way to keep this from happening is to work on not feeling so restricted, to be more moderate, and to be kinder to myself.
2) Asking myself what I am feeling. This is extremely difficult. I have to get away from the clamor & excitement & stimulus of what's going on & what's before me, to step out of the action, and to sit with myself for a minute. I ask, "How do I feel now? What is going on inside me?" If I feel any sort of desperation or anxiety or scarcity thinking, like someone grabbing at something that's on sale now & may never go on sale again -- if I detect feelings like, "I'd better have it all NOW, I need it all NOW" -- then I know something is wrong. It's food. It's always there. It will come again. It means there is something else going on with me. Something food will not solve. But what is it? What am I really doing with? What am I so tense about? That is the hard work. When I recognize there's something behind the scenes that is getting to me, I can sometimes achieve the mental clarity to say, "Yeah, like eating is going to fix that. Uh huh. I'm going to stop now."
I do not know if that helps, but that is what helps me in the middle of things. Basically, I try not to over-restrict, so there's no big pent-up demand, and then I try not to get overexcited or mindlessly lost in the moment.
There is a third thing, which your post touches upon, and I also see it as critical. That is, if the safety systems fail, if I cannot manage 1) & 2) above, then there must be "No Regrets. No Remorse. No Self-Flagellation." Because even more than overeating, I fear getting caught up in a cycle, a self-perpetuating thing in which I overeat, feel badly, "punish" myself by over-restricting (See No. 1 above as to why that wonb't work for me) or over-exercising, so that exercising becomes a punishment rather than a welcome release of tension, then move to comfort myself with food again. I do NOT want to get into that. No one does. So I congratulate you for achieving clarity on that count & not beating up on yourself. That can be very difficult. My work in that regard is never done. Actually, I feel my work on all of this is never done. I am always going to have to be a lot more mindful around food than most other people I know. It's my life's burden, I guess. (I can think of worse burdens. Can't you? ;-)
I have eaten to the point of feeling sick more times than I can count--I second the recomendation for "Chicks in Control", I go there a lot, and it's amazing how many wierd behavoirs are actually quite common! It has made me feel better, and has helped motivate me to control binging.
Hey Angee! I think that it happens to everyone from time to time. Don't beat yourself up over it. Just remember that today is a new day and you don't have to continue the process. You're doing amazing!
Happens to me all the time. A favorite restaurant, a dish I don't know how to cook myself and tastes so good... And I feel bad afterwards, since not only will I eat but I'll eat a big portion too. I've yet to master myself about that...
When I was younger, like in elementary school, I would do this all the time. I would eat and eat and then not be able to sleep because my stomach hurt so bad. I have done it several times in my adult life, and I rationalize my behavior the same way, "Well since I'm already off track, why not just keep going and do better tomorrow?" It's always been a struggle for me when the food in front of me is so good.
I have always been a big eater since I can remember. I've certainly had days when i ate so much I didn't feel good, but my problem has always been an all day affair type. I don't always stuff myself at one sitting, my problem times are when I have binge days where I wake up and it's like I just eat and eat and eat all day for no good reason. I don't feel hungry, but I also don't feel stuffed because I just graze tons of food all day.
A lapse in food sanity
