So I know the things I need to do to lose weight....eat healthy, exercise and drink lots of water...why can' I bring myself to do this? I know I'm stressing, but that shouldn't be an excuse...shouldn't stop me from what I want. I come home tired to cook and take care of my son...but that shouldn't stop me either. If others can do it, why cant I? I have a treadmill and elliptical at home....I have what I need...what's missing? I know I can't be the only that's felt like this...what did you do?
For me, I had hit a real low point in my life. For once I took a good look at myself and could say with clarity: this is not the person I want to be, and I am never going to be her again.
That's not to say that this is easy for me. There are plenty of moments where I just want lots of chocolate cookies, and I give in to some of them. But that's the context in which my weight loss finds its place.
It's more than just motivation, it's more like a driving force. I have to consciously think about it for it to spur me on.
That's exactly how I feel...this is NOT who I want to be!!! You've come so far! 35lbs...congrats!!! It's good to see that someone that felt as I feel has come so far!
I just think of it like every day, every decision, can either put me closer to my goal or further away from it. Which do I want more...an extra piece of pizza, or to fit into my old jeans? And do I want to spend months or longer doing this halfway, or do it right and get there sooner?
You just have to figure out what works for you. Personally I'm not big on cooking....I make simple meals using alot of frozen/canned/etc foods. It works for me, I can eat things I like and can easily count the calories, and don't feel overwhelmed trying to cook an elaborate meal and give up and eat something else that I shouldn't. I also still go out for fast food...I just check the nutrition info on their websites ahead of time so I know what fits into my plan.
Exercise is harder for me than food...but I've found if I can talk myself into doing just a little bit, I'll want to keep going. Like I'll tell myself, ok, you only have to do 10 minutes on the elliptical - that seems more doable than half an hour - but most of the time, 10 will lead to 15, and then I think, well I'm already halfway to 30, might as well finish. I also try to look at it like, I can spend 30 minutes doing things that aren't very productive like watching TV or playing online - or I can spend 30 minutes doing something that will get me towards my goal.
Looking at your ticker, you've done great so far...11 lbs, that's over a fifth of the way towards your goal! And less than 10 lbs until your mini goal of 155. Think how much fun going shopping for your new pants will be! Have you gone shopping just to try things on yet? I'm only down 8 lbs so far and I've been able to fit into some of my old jeans that I haven't worn in 3 years. It definitely gives me more motivation to keep going, maybe that would work for you too?
You have to realize that you don't have to be fat/overweight if you don't want to be - that it IS your choice. It is within your hands. You hold the key. You've got the power to change this.
You have to realize that you can't have it both ways - the high calorie/high quantity - AND be the optimal you. The very best you.
Your desire to be thin, slim, trim and fit has to outweigh, overpower and overtake the desire for "those foods".
You have to decide just how it is that you want to spend your life. Wishing, hoping, praying and longing to be thin, slim, fit, healthy and trim - or doing what's REQUIRED and NECESSARY to BE thin, slim, fit, healthy and trim.
You have to decide what matters to you the MOST. The very, very MOST - the short term gratification of "those foods" or the long term satisfaction and all day good feelings that come from being thin, trim, fit and healthy.
You must want to stop settling for second best when first best is WELL within your reach.
You have to recognize that turning down certain foods is NO deprivation. But to remain eating them IS. It's depriving yourself of the best life possible. The one you were intended to have.
You must be WILLING to make and sustain the changes required to lead a healthy lifestyle.
You must realize just how unworth it is to continue on in "this manner" and just how worth it is to be the optimal you. The overthetop benefits that come along with it.
You must stop thinking, and hoping and contemplating and start taking ACTION. Taking the measures needed to lead a healthy lifestyle.
You must be willing to put forth the effort and the work required to get and stay slim and healthy.
You must be WILLING to get past the initial discomfort of changing ones long time bad and unhealthy eating and exercising behaviors and patterns. Because you know there's a payoff and a reward and you know eventually it WILL become natural and automatic to you.
It has to be a tippy top priority. It has to be something you must focus on. You can't make excuses. Either you want it - or you don't. When it matters so much to you, that you MAKE it happen - regardless of your circumstances. You accept no excuses. You look at every obstacle as a challenge and you find a way around it. Because it matters to you. It's of the utmost of importance to you and to not do so would be ludicrous.
You must DECIDE to do this - once and for all permanently. You decide to do this, you COMMIT to do this - and then it gets done.
And rest assured, you CAN do this. Losing weight IS a doable thing. So, yes, you CAN do this. And you should. Don't dread these changes - embrace them. Get excited about them. Because it's a LOVELY way to live. Leading a healthy lifestyle is no hardship or burden, it's a joy and a blessing. And when you decide to do this, and commit to do this - and you get into it (and you will faster than you think), you won't regret it one bit. Not one little itty bit bit. In fact I'm CERTAIN you will wonder why you didn't do it sooner.
Wow the last 2 posts were from 2 5 footers....and packed full of wisdom! Dynamite does come in small packages!
I ditto what RockinRobin said... You must be WILLING to get past the initial discomfort of changing ones long time bad and unhealthy eating and exercising behaviors and patterns. Because you know there's a payoff and a reward and you know eventually it WILL become natural and automatic to you.
I of course would say the initial discomfort was more like H. E. double hockey sticks... but the pain of NOT eating was actually less than the pain of eating and doing the same thing over and over and over and over
The only thing I would like to add is that you have to have a plan.
I can't tell you how many times I've lost the same 5 - 10 pounds, because that's as far as I could get on will power alone. I used to think it was because I didn't want it bad enough, or because I didn't have the required self-control, but now I know my problem was that I knew what I needed to do, but I didn't know HOW to do it. For me having a plan makes all the difference in the world. I'm finally learning how to live my busy, chaotic life without falling into the fast food/junk food/no food trap anymore.
It doesn't matter if I wake up late or if I have to rush out the door because I 'just remembered' that I have bus duty - I've got my breakfast and lunch planned already so I can just grab them without thinking about it. If I get stuck at long meetings with tempting junk food I've got my almonds or pistachios and v8 with me because now I have a plan for times like that.
I have a busy schedule with lots of church and community activities and responsibilities so I plan quick and easy meals but I plan them. When I shop I buy what I need to eat on plan and I don't buy anything else.
Good luck to you, I know you can do it. You just have to figure out the HOW that will work for you.
WOW! Those were some amazing responses. Seriously. Lots and lots of wisdom!
I have said this before and so I hope that you haven't read this already, but for me, it takes one good day. If I can just have one good day, then I can have another, and then another and those all add up. You obviously know what to do to lose weight, so it's a question of motivation. For me, it's not so much about motivation. There are times when I TRULY want to change and I just can't....I can't make it past breakfast because it feels too overwhelming and too hopeless. But, as I said, if I can have one good day and if I can be proud of that day, then I can catapult that into more good things.
You need to find what works for you because we're all so different. What I can say is that one year from now, where do you want to be? You could be at your goal and living the life you want or you could be heavier and possibly dissatisfied with your life. Take hold of the reins and give yourself the life you deserve.
So I know the things I need to do to lose weight....eat healthy, exercise and drink lots of water
...why can' I bring myself to do this....
If others can do it, why cant I?
Do you know how few people actually DO do it? Especially perfectly without slips and falls and even nose dives?
Do you realize how many people "do it," successfully but very imperfectly?
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I know the common answer is to talk about motivation and commitment - that you'll succeed when you get serious, or make the comittment...
I think that overshadows the bottom line here - YOU ARE SUCEEDING - YOU ARE NOT FAILING.
I think that far too often - perhaps even most of the time, the main reason people give up on weight loss because they see failure instead of the success. Instead of looking at their progress and being proud of their acheivements, they focus on how much better the progress would have been, if they'd been perfect.
I look back at every single weight loss attempt I made in the past (thousands of them, since age 5) and every single surrender was not because I couldn't and wasn't losing weight - but because I wasn't losing it fast enough, or perfectly enough to satisfy myself. I saw the failure instead of the success.
I haven't lost any weight in several months. There's no reason I couldn't have lost weight - I didn't because I didn't put enough effort in to lose weight.
So, is that failure or success?
You may say failure. Any other time in my life, I know I would have. In fact, I would have seen so much failure, that I would have decided that the failure PROVED there wasn't any use to continue. I would have abandoned the weight loss attempt, regained all the weight (and then some) and been angry and disgusted with my self for having "no willpower."
Instead of failure, I see it as success. For most of this weight loss attempt, I've succeeded far more at weight maintenance than weight loss. My weight loss speed is really unimpressive, but my weight maintenance is extremely impressive (to me). Never before in my life have I ever gone this long without a significant weight gain. And it's because I decided that I would refuse to see complete failure when there was at least partial success.
I'm not saying that you need to lower your expectations of yourself. Just that you need to stop telling yourself lies - and the biggest one you're telling yourself is that you can't do this - and that you're failing. You're not. You're succeeding more slowly than you would like. So, you can choose to work harder to make more progress, or you can choose to accept the slower rate. Both are perfectly ok, but what isn't ok is telling yourself that you're failing - or that "everybody else" is succeeding (you're not nearly as "behind" as you think you are).
Not long ago - Well, actually it's been longer than I thought. Maybe a year or more. When I was griping to my doctor that I was unhappy that I was making such slow progress, he in essence compared weight loss to a race - and said that very often people "in the lead" give up because they think they're "trailing behind." He reminded me that I was not trailing behind - that even 1 POUND a month was putting me in the lead, because most people give up before they've even been in the race a month or two.
It did make me wonder if the only "secret" of weight loss is choosing not to give up when you get discouraged. I've tested that theory in this weight loss attempt, and I know it's why I haven't regained, except for relatively small fluctuations. I've never, ever gone this long (not even close) without regaining and I've never, ever gone this long (not even close) without giving up.
It's true that my weight loss has been very small (considering what I have to lose) and it's been very slow - if you compare it to many people's losses. Then again, I can choose to see my weight loss as fast and large, by comparing it to other less successful people.
Which is accurate? I'm not sure it matters. I need to get the weight off. I need to not give myself excuses for not getting the weight off - but I do not need to focus on the failures. To succeed, I need to focus on the successes.
Maybe that's just me, but I think not. Maybe some people are motivated by feelings of failure. I tend to think it's few, at least in the long run. My psych background tells me that in most research studies of learning, feelings of success and accomplishment tend to result in more success than feelings of failure. So even if I'm deluding myself, it's working. I'm succeeding because I see success.
I really think the reason I'm not succeeding MORE, is because old habits are hard to break. I've spent so much time in the last four decades seeing failure that it's hard for me to see success, even now that I'm determined to.
Starting to ramble, so I'll wrap this up. I really believe that if you recognize your successes, you'll build on that success and will see more. But if you continue to see yourself as failing - you'll fulfill your own prophecy.
Funny about us 5 footers. And I'd agree, I've said it often to others, the first couple of weeks were just that - H-E double hockey sticks. But it wasn't actually searing pain, it's just unusual, foreign, strange, awkward, difficult - challenging. I was used to doing one thing and needed to do something new - and so yes it's down right uncomfortable and unpleasant. It takes time to establish new habits. BUT it can be done. You work through that discomfort. You work through it. You get past it. Anyway that you can. You push yourself and push yourself. You reach and stretch and GROW. You raise your standards and then you do what's necessary to MEET those standards. You challenge yourself. You create a new best. What was once unpleasant becomes normal, natural, pleasant and yes - enjoyable.
As for the planning - 1000% agreed. Upon DECIDING to lose the weight, upon COMMITTING to lose the weight - then everything falls into place. You make it fall into place. You set yourself up for success. You devise, seek out and look for ways to make this work. You make a plan. You adhere to that plan, tweaking it as need be to make it your own. Customizing it specifically for you.
When I saw the title of this thread, I wondered, "what on earth has she done??" Killed a small animal? Neglected or harmed a child? Embezzlled thousands of dollars from her employer? Cheated on her husband? Guilt and shame are powerful, toxic emotions. You don't deserve them for, essentially, not living up to someone else's standards regarding how you should be living your life.
The way I'm reading your post, you're asking why you're not living your life the way you have been told you should. Maybe that's not the way that works for you. Maybe the reason you haven't been able to force yourself to do this is because it's not right for you.
Maybe what you need is a simple change, like getting up earlier to exercise and prepare food (Crockpots are wonderful things) instead of trying to do it when you get home after work.
Or maybe that's not a solution either, and you need to give some thought to getting some assistance at home (someone to watch your son for an hour so you can exercise, maybe, or someone to cook a meal for you three times a week, or someone to deliver your groceries so that you won't be tempted by unhealthy foods at the store, or whatever).
Or maybe that's not a solution either, and the reason you're not exercising is because it's painfully boring to you. So try a new sport, go outside and walk, borrow a neighbor's dog and go play at the park. Take your son and go play at the park.
The point is, you don't have to do this like everyone else. You want it, you just haven't figured out how is right for you to attain it.
Flogging yourself and beating yourself up and emotionally battering yourself and telling yourself you should be ashamed of yourself (really? Just for not doing something that isn't working for you? REALLY?) aren't going to work, motivation-wise. Try to step away from those abusive feelings and look at what's really going on, what isn't working. Because honestly, you'll never get there by kicking yourself.
If I may hijack the thread for just a moment - I just wanted to thank cathydoe and everyone else for the nice comments about my above post. I've had a Murphy's Law kind of week (roommate issues, boy troubles, etc) and trying to wind down today came on here to read/reply. It's so nice to think something I said can help to encourage someone else. Made my night! Thanks!
::sigh:: Guilty and ashamed
Have you gone shopping just to try things on yet? I'm only down 8 lbs so far and I've been able to fit into some of my old jeans that I haven't worn in 3 years. It definitely gives me more motivation to keep going, maybe that would work for you too?
