i feel even more miserable now that ive lost some weight than before ( dont ask me how idk either )
i feel farther away from where i want to be. i feel people are laughing at me now more than ever because ive stalled so long
i still feel like im the biggest girl in the world
and i DONT like to discuss it with anyone i know because i hate the pity speech .... i made myself fat i know how it happned and im ashamed enough i really dont deserve/want/need the pity at all .....
idk what i need ... maybe a pep talk ... some tough love a kick in the *** ... advice ....
I feel you...Ive been pretty much stalled for about 3 months now. I too feel like I still have soooo far to go. I want to lose about 70 more lbs. Theres that little voice in the back of my mind that is saying "you'll never get there, and although you look way smaller, you will never be thin". Although I keep fighting through it and will manage to lose about 5 or 6 lbs, then it comes right back on during the weekends.
Then the feelings of disgust.....thats what I feel. Because I know for a fact I CAN lose the weight, but I choose to let my "addiction" win.......and that makes me sick. Its like I am trying to get to the top of a really steep hill, and when I finally get inches from the top, I slide right on back down the darn thing.
I hope we can grasp whatever it is that is causing us to stall, mental, physical, or whatever it may be. Because we only have one life, and who knows how long?
omg your last line made me tear up .... thats exactly how i feel
its somewhat comforting to know that im not the only one who feels this way i was starting to wonder if something was wrong with me ....
your ticker's satistics are really impressive though ... you came a FAR way. your doing it !!!!!
im thinking our end goals are similar..... i too would like to loose about 70 more pounds .... 150 would make me a happy camper .... i would feel ... normal .... right now i feel like a giant. seeing as how your about my height have the same goal in mind AND your vegetarian .... im going to keep you in mind for when i have vegetarian related questions. <3 !
I know where you are coming from, especially the "I've lost so much, but I still have so much more to lose" feeling. I promise, there will be a point where you don't feel that way anymore. You are very close to an important milestone in weightloss, and if you pick yourself up now, dust yourself off and get motivated you are going to feel so much better about yourself. Stalling happens and usually its a matter of recommitment to the goal, and keeping your eye on the prize that can make or break it. I know you have it in you to make it.
Yep. Before I started this, I didn't even think about my appearance anymore, I was just fat. Now that I'm starting to see results and even getting some compliments, I feel really great. Then my new Driver's license came in the mail and I see the same round face...
I know it's happening and I wouldn't want to go back to where I was 6 months ago so I just concentrate on that feeling and look forward to what I will feel like (and hopefully look like) 6 months from now.
Losing weight does not always bring the nirvana we think it is going to. Yes, we look more normal and we feel so much better. But, we have based our whole lives on being fat; how we relate to people, and all the emotional defenses we have carefully honed to protect ourselves. In our mind's eye we have a picture of outselves that is fat. That's who we are. So, changing how we see ourselves can be difficult. It's kind of like moving to a foreign country where you don't speak the language and don't know the customs. It can be an adventure, but some people just don't approach life that way; no fault, but it is harder for them. You probably need to talk to someone that can help you see that this is a positive change and that it's okay to be happy about it. You are losing the old self and haven't achieved the new one yet and are wondering "who am I?"
Sometimes I feel like I look fatter than I did 45 pounds ago, or like I'm going to wake up one morning and be 330 pounds again, or that if I eat something historically loaded for me even if it fits perfectly into my calories (like today I had bubble tea for the first time in two weeks, it was my dessert of the week and it fit just fine) I will wake up 330 pounds again.
I occasionally regret telling anyone I was losing weight because I fear that I am not doing it as quickly or as well as they expect me to and once again they will view me as a stupid lazy embarrassing failure.
It's strange because I'm this major champion of self love and self esteem and 99% of the time I think I'm pretty much the most awesome person ever. It's just that 1% that screws me up sometimes.
The worst lies we can tell are the ones we tell ourselves - and not just the one's that make us feel better. The ones that make us feel worse than reality warrants are are even more damaging.
Learning to recognize the truth and replace the lies isn't always easy. You don't need pity, and you don't need (in my opinion) a kick from yourself or any of us - but you do need sympathy - and not from any of us - but from yourself. You don't need or deserve to treat yourself like crap.
We're taught that being hard on ourselves is a virtue, but personally I think that's a load of bull. When don't give ourselves the compassion we would give to any other human being on the planet, we're telling ourselves (and the world) that we're not respect-worthy.
What would you say to your best friend if she were telling herself these things? Would you say, "you're right, everyone IS laughing at you. You're the fattest most disgusting thing on the planet, and you're not worth ayone's love or compassion because you did this to yourself?
Is that really how you would treat a friend (or your worst enemy for that matter)?
You need to stop telling yourself that garbage. When you do that to yourself, imagine that you're sticking up for your best friend. Tell the bully (yourself) to cut your best friend (you) some slack, because she (you) are a smart, wonderful person who has the strength and courage to accomplish great things if she (you) set your mind to it, and work hard.
Some of us have become very good at not just punishing ourselves, but torturing ourselves inhumanely. What good does that do, except make us feel wothless and unloveable. You're neither.
Is that pity? No, it's human decency. It makes no sense to treat ourselves in a way that we wouldn't consider treating anyone else.
but - and assuming you're the person I'm thinking of, your avatar used to have your picture in it, right? - kick kick kick kick kick! you are so beautiful, you look absolutely gorgeous, voluptuous - and yes, that is big but in such a good way!
I can remember looking at your pic and thinking, it's not fair! Fat or thin, I am PLAIN, with a capital homely. You are big and gorgeous. So do not ever think people are thinking you don't look good, because they so are thinking you're beautiful!.
So it comes down to your health now, physical and mental. Physically, being fat is detrimental to our health. Mentally, being unhappy with those things about our physicality that we could, just don't change, is detrimental to our health.
Do you have a death wish? (I address myself as well, I'm just tiptoeing in from a 4 month wilderness) Is there any logic to neglecting the temple of your body, the house of your soul? Nope. So, would you mind helping me out of my wilderness too, and we'll get on with the next phase together?
Last edited by Rosinante; 11-07-2009 at 05:30 AM.
Reason: missed a word out
I feel you...Ive been pretty much stalled for about 3 months now. I too feel like I still have soooo far to go. I want to lose about 70 more lbs. Theres that little voice in the back of my mind that is saying "you'll never get there, and although you look way smaller, you will never be thin". Although I keep fighting through it and will manage to lose about 5 or 6 lbs, then it comes right back on during the weekends.
Then the feelings of disgust.....thats what I feel. Because I know for a fact I CAN lose the weight, but I choose to let my "addiction" win.......and that makes me sick. Its like I am trying to get to the top of a really steep hill, and when I finally get inches from the top, I slide right on back down the darn thing.
I hope we can grasp whatever it is that is causing us to stall, mental, physical, or whatever it may be. Because we only have one life, and who knows how long?
wow, so much of this I could relate to. and I've had stalls that lasted longer than 3 months, I hate to say.
Stalling doesn't mean failure, though it can feel like it. And I can let it make me feel like a failure, esp sometimes when I post how slowly I'm losing, even with all the weight I've already lost and kept off. I get mad and frustrated at myself too. It isn't worth it to let myself get too discouraged -- that just sabotages me. I have to concentrate on keeping doing what I'm doing right, which is many things, and working on those habits and thinking patterns that aren't helping me. This is a big mind game.
CM, with your routine, you're focusing on diet and weight loss, and on your body, and you're beating yourself up about it. That's why you feel worse, even though you've lost weight. Give yourself credit for what you've done, and the NSV are nothing to sneeze at. With all the gazillion people who have weight to lose, you're not alone, and the shame game ain't helpful to where you want to get either. Chuck it out the door.
In a way, negative thinking can be a good way to let ourselves off the hook. I'm so fat and worthless and weak, I CAN'T lose this weight! = I don't have to try.
The worst lies we can tell are the ones we tell ourselves - and not just the one's that make us feel better. The ones that make us feel worse than reality warrants are are even more damaging.
Learning to recognize the truth and replace the lies isn't always easy. You don't need pity, and you don't need (in my opinion) a kick from yourself or any of us - but you do need sympathy - and not from any of us - but from yourself. You don't need or deserve to treat yourself like crap.
We're taught that being hard on ourselves is a virtue, but personally I think that's a load of bull. When don't give ourselves the compassion we would give to any other human being on the planet, we're telling ourselves (and the world) that we're not respect-worthy.
What would you say to your best friend if she were telling herself these things? Would you say, "you're right, everyone IS laughing at you. You're the fattest most disgusting thing on the planet, and you're not worth ayone's love or compassion because you did this to yourself?
Is that really how you would treat a friend (or your worst enemy for that matter)?
You need to stop telling yourself that garbage. When you do that to yourself, imagine that you're sticking up for your best friend. Tell the bully (yourself) to cut your best friend (you) some slack, because she (you) are a smart, wonderful person who has the strength and courage to accomplish great things if she (you) set your mind to it, and work hard.
Some of us have become very good at not just punishing ourselves, but torturing ourselves inhumanely. What good does that do, except make us feel wothless and unloveable. You're neither.
Is that pity? No, it's human decency. It makes no sense to treat ourselves in a way that we wouldn't consider treating anyone else.
This post is hall-of-fame worthy! You really touched me, Kaplods
And I agree, if we can't love ourselves, how can we expect others to do so? It's a long process but learning to be gentle with yourself and treat YOURSELF as you treat others is crucial to being a happy, content person. You will get there, but beating yourself up will only make you feel... well... beat up!
miserable big girl DOES NOT WANT YOUR PITY
