[rachiebach]

I'll start this post off by saying that while I have low self-confidence I hide it well and come across as being a confident person. But truthfully, I'm really self-concious about my appearance.

I'm just sick and tired of being the friend. Like the girl that guys think is cool to hang out with, but not a girl they want to date. I'm the girl who will go out with them and then get reports about all of the "hot" girls they see. It makes me feel like crap.

To top it off I have this guy friend (of course) who I've developed a thing for (of course). Well, naturally we went to a party and this girl was like all over him. Like she was blatently flirting with him. And it made me kind of angry because 1) I walked in with just him so how did she know we weren't together? I'm obviously so non-threatening that she knew i couldn't be dating him. And 2) she was able to put herself and her feelings for him out there in a way I just can't. Like I WISH I could be so bold to go up to a guy I think is hot and just start flirting with him-blantantly obvious flirting. But I can't because I'm terrified of the rejection.

Anyone else know what I'm talking about? How do I get myself out of the friend box I'm permanently stuck in?

[spikedpunch]

I sort of know what you're talking about, but unfortunately I can't offer advice; I'm just tagging along hoping someone else gives us some suggestions. I haven't even figured out how to make it into the friend box. I'm just the girl who is a friend of a friend and I don't even get noticed.

I always hear people say you should fake the confidence until you actually get it, but I can't work up the nerve to fake it. I've never had anyone interested in dating me, and I don't see why things would suddenly change now, so I don't want to force rejection upon myself. Even if the guy did humor me, I have noooo idea how to flirt properly. And at 24 (or almost 24) it's sort of embarrassing to think that I still have to learn how to flirt. So I definitely understand where you're coming from (even though you look super pretty and I can't imagine why you're worried about rejection. :P), but I can't offer any decent advice.

Hopefully someone will be along with much better advice than the non-answer I just spewed out.

[junebug41]

I hate hate hate hate hate the "friend zone". It's like relationship purgatory.

I would become best friends with every guy I ever liked, negating any possibility for a romantic relationship and when a guy ACTUALLY liked me I was so stunned and in disbelief that I immediately brushed him off as "something must be wrong with him" or I just wasn't attracted to him.

How I ever got married is beyond me. I think I just found THE guy, decided he was nice, funny, and charming and I wasn't going to let him get a way. Thank God he let me snatch him up!

[rosiem]

Hmm, i just got back from a club and i hear ya, sister. My friend wasn't in there 10 minutes before some guy was hitting on her... it cannot possibly be all about confidence, she didn't DO anything, and many people also tell me i appear confident, although i am certainly not in terms of body image or guys.
Anyway, as someone else who is chronically in the friend zone i have no idea what to tell you. I am also probably not that good at flirting (and I am 26!). I think the thing about confidence is once you have it for real, you might not care so much about whether guys are into you because you will know it is their loss! Which i'm sure it is! Actually i'm pretty sure they are missing out not getting to date me either :-) But it actually doesn't make you feel any less sad sometimes. Oh well.
This is a depressing post, sorry!!! I think all you can do is try and remain optimistic and realize the universe must be saving someone special for later, so you won't be tied up with some loser when this fabulous dude comes along and recognizes what a catch you are!
In any case, I really relate! So you are not alone anyway. Stay strong! Do your thing!!

[starfishkitty]

Originally Posted by junebug41

How I ever got married is beyond me. I think I just found THE guy, decided he was nice, funny, and charming and I wasn't going to let him get a way. Thank God he let me snatch him up!

Indeed!

No but really... along the lines of this... I think as long as you're open to someone you're attracted to and think you could possibly like.. when the right one comes along, it'll happen for you. Not all of us are meant to be chronic daters, etc.... some people go along alone until the right one comes along and that's it... they're taken and happy with it for life. Nothing wrong with that either. For someone who is a chronic dater/friends with benefits type... or at least I used to be... let me tell you.... it's NOT THAT GREAT. Rather exhausting and emotionally wearing. Until I took a time out, a breather, from all the guy junk and stepped away from it for about a year... I didn't really have time to stop and reevaluate myself, my life, and the (bad) relationships/whatevers I'd been in. Stayed single after that until Mr. Awesome stepped into (well, kinda, we'd been friends for about 2 1/2 years before that!) my life and somehow managed to pick up the reins, to both of our surprises.

Good luck... and quit stressing about it so much. Seriously... your Mr. Awesome will eventually realize you're not just Miss Friend one day!