[NBaxter2512]

Hi everyone! My name is Nichole and I am 23. I am married to my wonderful husband Jason and we just bought our first house in Pennsylvania.
I have yo-yo dieted for a LONG time. I was active on the forum for a couple months but then I quit... like always.
I really don't know what to do. I have something wrong with me. I wake up in the morning and the first thing I think about is food. It's like an out of body experience and looking back it is extremely foggy. I take a shower and throughout my shower I am just thinking about breakfast. I actually rush to get ready just so I can eat. Now, I do overeat at breakfast but usually it's just a dog bowl full of cereal. Not really a dog bowl, but a glad Tupperware bowl.
I go to work and I think about food until lunch. I am not counting down the minutes for a break, I just can't wait to eat. I always bring a processed lean cuisine or smart ones meal and grab a 120 calorie bag of chips out of the vending machine with a diet coke. I eat that and I am not satisfied so I usually eat my afternoon snack along with my lunch and then I am starving until I get home at 4:30.
When my husband works midnights, I stop at convenient stores using my college student loan debit card so he doesn't know... and I load up on chocolate, ice cream, snacks, juice, etc... I have wasted so much money doing this, that I had to take this semester off from school because of lack of funds. It's disgusting.
When my husband is home, I cook dinner. It is usually fairly healthy, with either chicken or turkey and some type of side. (I don't eat red meat.)
Unfortunately, since "quitting" weight watchers a couple months ago, I have gained back 16 pounds. My jeans are so snug and I am embarrassed. I am disgusted with myself, I can't stop crying, I can't stop thinking about food, I am taking things out on my husband, I am isolating myself in our bedroom when I get home from work, etc...
He is nothing but supportive and when we began dating, I was around 20 pounds heavier than I am now, so I still haven't gained ALL my weight back.
I just need help. I can't stop thinking about food and it is so depressing. I have a terrible mindset and I don't know what to do.
I know I need to lose weight but I don't know how. I am in denial. I take pregnancy tests thinking maybe that's why I have gained weight. I blame it on my medicine. In reality, it is ME.
I'm sorry to rant and complain.
I have to get to work... I am just looking for support!

By the way, I am 5'1" and currently 204.4 as of this morning.

Thanks and good luck everyone!!

Nichole

[LotusMama]

Welcome back. You will have a lot support here. You can do this. Take it one day at a time.

J

[wednesdaymorning]

Welcome back! You can do this! It sounds like you need to come up with something to keep busy and eat throughout the day.

I would suggest eating breakfast, waiting three hours, having a snack, wait three hours, have lunch, wait, snack, wait, dinner. That way you're eating throughout the day but, of course, make sensible choices. During your down time when you eat the most, start a project or go for a walk or something.

Don't be disgusted, be optimistic. You can do it.

[stellarosa27]

Nichole, I'm just like you, I have to be constantly eating. I used to think it was a mental thing and there's something wrong with me, but I actually get HUNGRY that often, so I've learned to just accommodate myself, but I eat healthy things.

I just make sure I bring tons of snacks with me to work - I have cut up veggies, fruit, granola bars,pudding, etc. In the morning/night before, I plan out my points (doing ww, but calories...) for the next day and bring only what I can have. I also like to have a plan set in place for dinner so that I'm satisfied, and leave some room at the end for ice cream/cookies/whatever.

You can do this