|
|
07-28-2009, 06:35 PM
|
#1
|
Senior Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: wa state
Posts: 179
|
New to your forum & I'm a weenie
First I'd like to say hello to all of you. After lurking around the edges of this for a while it seems like this is the place I've been looking for. Having said that - this is the third time on SB lost big the other two, but never quite finished the job and gained it all back plus some.
Anyhoo - after an extremely clean P1 and about a week into P2, I go to lunch and have a salad and order oil and red wine vinegar. The girl puts on oil and FF red wine vinaigrette (loaded with sugar)- but did I say anything - nooo - I sat there and ate it like a good little (well not so little) girl. I been disgusted with myself ever since because I didnn't stand up for myself. I guess I'll have to get over the embarassment of making a scene to get what I want. Any thoughts on how to be more assertive?
|
|
|
07-28-2009, 06:42 PM
|
#2
|
Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Yukon, Canada
Posts: 1,156
S/C/G: 332/270/160
Height: 5"7'
|
I wanted to say Welcome! I have no thoughts on being assertive because I know I'm not and I don't know how to be to the general public. I'm pretty assertive with my family and friends but I'm a hider, I had conflict and shy away from it completely and it's tough. I'm sure there will be lot's of pointers but again Welcome to the board we are happy to have you.
|
|
|
07-28-2009, 07:12 PM
|
#3
|
agility-nut
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Holland, NY Just south of Buffalo, NY
Posts: 193
S/C/G: 258/see ticker/170
Height: 5'9
|
If I am eating out, I will say something. I refuse to eat something if I am not happy with it. I have turned back many steaks. I like my red meat, rare, very rare. I will not eat it if it is pink. I have no problem speaking up. Especially if your paying for it.
|
|
|
07-28-2009, 08:15 PM
|
#4
|
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: West Virginia
Posts: 337
S/C/G: 288/seeticker/140
Height: 5'4"
|
WELCOME!! Glad your here!
I've been a server in a couple of jobs. I never thought twice about bringing the customer a different dressing, side or anything else they needed. That was my job and that was what I was getting paid/tipped for so never fear asking the server for what you need, as long as you're not rude about it (ya know, avoid calling the server names or shouting) the server is generally happy to oblige. If they're snappy, or attitude-ish, remember tips are discrentionary.
With all other issues of assertiveness... its a matter of self worth. I used to do EXACTLY what you did. I never complained, never made a scene, never spoke up. After years of being treated like a door mat it finally occured to me that I had no reason to be afraid of speaking up. It wasn't like the server/sales clerk/whomever was going to grow fangs and eat me or anything. Worse case scenerio they may get upset, but oh well, they'd get over it. Just remember YOU ARE WORTH IT and there is nothing wrong with speaking up for what you need.
And quit beating yourself up over the dressing... you'll hear that a lot on here. You make a slip/error in judgement, acknowledge it, learn from it, move on. That's what I'm working on now. I did really well week 1, awful 2 and 3 and thanks to the awesome people here I'm pulling myself up and working on an awesome week 4 now!
Again, really glad to "meet" you and
Last edited by TaraLee; 07-28-2009 at 08:16 PM.
|
|
|
07-28-2009, 09:52 PM
|
#5
|
WW on-line since 1/1/2009
Join Date: Jun 2000
Location: Mississippi, USA
Posts: 2,332
S/C/G: see ticker
Height: 5'5"
|
If you were a diabetic, you would have had no problem asking for a different dressing. If you were an alcoholic, you wouldn't accept a margarita if you'd ordered a Shirley Temple. Look at your weight loss as a medical condition that you must control through diet. Maybe that will help you be more assertive.
Last edited by Jennelle; 07-28-2009 at 09:54 PM.
|
|
|
07-28-2009, 09:53 PM
|
#6
|
Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Colorado
Posts: 730
Height: 4'11"
|
No thoughts on being more assertive, but if you figure out the secret let me know
|
|
|
07-28-2009, 10:38 PM
|
#7
|
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 403
S/C/G: 288/ticker/145
Height: 5'5"
|
Welcome! Like others said, don't beat yourself up about the dressing incident. It sounds like you've learned from the experience and will do things differently next time.
On the subject of assertiveness, I was interested that you wrote:
Quote:
Originally Posted by waquilter
I guess I'll have to get over the embarassment of making a scene to get what I want. Any thoughts on how to be more assertive?
|
Being assertive doesn't mean making a scene, and I think it will help if you mentally separate the two. Most people really don't want to make a scene, and no one wants to be on the receiving end of one. It's much more effective to be calmly, politely, quietly assertive. I've always found that a genuine smile and thank you goes a long way.
Lisa
|
|
|
07-28-2009, 10:56 PM
|
#8
|
Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Sunny Southern California
Posts: 5,184
|
Just wanted to welcome you to the group and back to South Beach! Wishing you the best of luck!
|
|
|
07-29-2009, 12:56 AM
|
#9
|
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 2,088
Height: 5'11"
|
Hey, wecome! I am also a quilter from Washington.
|
|
|
07-29-2009, 01:11 AM
|
#10
|
Loving life!!
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Ponchatoula, LA
Posts: 2,349
S/C/G: 360/159/145
Height: 5' 8"
|
Welcome
As for being assertive just do it...it's hard at first but worth it. What is really the worst they could do? Get an attitude? As long as you assert yourself with tact and grace people will respect you and you will get minimal attitude from them.
|
|
|
07-29-2009, 03:04 AM
|
#11
|
Happy Plodder
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: UK
Posts: 5,006
S/C/G: 238/158.9/138
Height: 5'2"
|
Welcome! Yes, I think the Dressing Incident can be used as a spur to try to do it differently next time. I don't do assertiveness well ~ I can stand up on behalf of others but it's harder if it's about me. I think the answer is to plan strategies for it, the same as you would about your eating and your exercising - this is part of your successful weightloss scheme after all. It takes work, it takes practice, and it does mean that one time you have to take a deep breath and just do it; with civility but determination.
It's just one dmn learning curve after another, isn't it? :wink:
|
|
|
07-29-2009, 08:08 AM
|
#12
|
Mind-Mouth-Muscle-Motion
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Alberta, Canada
Posts: 1,281
S/C/G: 274/ticker/174
Height: 5'10"
|
|
|
|
07-29-2009, 09:07 AM
|
#13
|
Senior Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Kansas
Posts: 633
S/C/G: 256/251/145
Height: 5'6"
|
Welcome!!!
|
|
|
07-29-2009, 10:55 AM
|
#14
|
Never surrender
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Brooklyn, NY
Posts: 2,751
S/C/G: 251 current/237 minigoal/180
Height: 5' 9"
|
hey, welcome to the board and good luck!
I've had problems with assertiveness, and I agree it just takes practice. It's perfectly reasonable for you to ask for any dressing (or whatever) you need. And you certainly deserve to take care of yourself.
|
|
|
07-29-2009, 12:25 PM
|
#15
|
IR/PCOS/Pre-Diabetic
Join Date: Nov 1999
Posts: 1,797
S/C/G: 310/*ticker*/150
Height: 5'4"
|
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jennelle
If you were a diabetic, you would have had no problem asking for a different dressing. If you were an alcoholic, you wouldn't accept a margarita if you'd ordered a Shirley Temple. Look at your weight loss as a medical condition that you must control through diet. Maybe that will help you be more assertive.
|
That is an excellent suggestion, Jennelle. I often use the "my doctor recommends..." phrasing to turn aside the well-meaning but misdirected attempts of my MIL to get me to eat food that is unhealthy for me. I never considered using the same thinking on myself when in a restaurant situation. Thank you!
|
|
|
Posting Rules
|
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
HTML code is Off
|
|
|
All times are GMT -4. The time now is 10:20 AM.
|